NOTE: The following guide is the plan I created for myself to master the art of wife seduction. You might find it helpful too… though you should use your own judgment when taking advice from strangers on the internet.
If you have any questions about the process, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Seduction is the art of reconciling man and woman.
Women want to be married to “Prince Charming” – an attractive, powerful man who can rescue her from a miserable lonely life.
Men want to be married to an insatiable sex kitten.
But rather than understanding the other’s desire, women turn to Disney and romance stories, while men turn to pornography in order to explore these desires. But neither source can truly satisfy the need. And rather than reconciling the two fantasies, we simply attack the other side as being “immature” or even “sinful.”
But seduction is the process that enables the two conflicting worlds to be reconciled.
Unfortunately, many Christians consider seduction to be inherently evil. But seduction is only evil if it is used for a sinful purpose… such as seducing another man’s wife or getting someone to do something contrary to God’s will.
But in the right context, seduction is far from evil. The seduction process requires one to develop patience and to consider the needs of the “target.” Both of these are the fundamental attributes of love (1 Cor 13:4). I would even argue that, when the intention is good, seduction and love are synonymous!
Seduction is the master skill that enables the rightful relationship of man and woman to be restored.
When applying this framework, don’t think of this as a series of steps you must take before you can have sex. Rather, think of it as a series of seductive forces to successively put in motion. Each new improvement enhances what you’re already doing.
Seduction is a lifelong game. Might as well learn to enjoy it!
(Note: The following framework is mostly derived from Robert Greene’s Art of Seduction. Though I have taken plenty of “artistic liberties” and given specific recommendations where I thought appropriate.)
Phase 0: Preparation
You’ve decided to take control of your marriage. Congratulations! Deciding not to be a victim is the first step.
But before you can perform a successful seduction, you have to be prepared. It’s not going to easy. It’s going to test your patience. You’ll have to persevere and maintain confidence until you achieve your goal.
Here’s what you need:
Get Clarity on Your Purpose
A man will have to perform at least three seductions in order to have a sexually fulfilling life.
The first seduction is leading a woman to marriage.
The second seduction is awakening her insatiable sexual appetite.
The third seduction and beyond is leading her to embrace a sexual activity or lifestyle she previously considered sinful, repulsive, or impossible.
Obviously, one should never purpose to do anything that God prohibited. But God is much less prudish about sexuality than the church, so the boundaries are much wider than you’ve been led to believe. The “sins” in her mind are more restrictive than the sins in the Bible.
Cultivate the Right Mindset
There are two reasons you might fail on your seductive quest.
One is that you give up when your early attempts don’t bring about the desired results.
The other reason for failure is that your ego blinds you from seeing the problem or the opportunity in front of you.
To prevent these problems from derailing your mission, get the two books recommended below. Read one chapter every morning (or evening) and reflect on how it applies to your marriage.
When you finish one book, read the other book. When you finish the second book, go back to the first book, and so on until you’ve achieved your goal. This stuff is that important.
Optimize Your Testosterone
Testosterone is critical to seducing a woman.
Without enough “man juice” flowing through your veins you’ll lack focus, feel depressed and tired, gain more weight, have a low sex drive and weak erections, and will lack the necessary energy needed to both seduce and satisfy a woman.
Men often beat themselves up over being weak. In reality, your limited energy is better spent figuring out how to stick with simple lifestyle changes that will increase your testosterone.
With high-testosterone, becoming the “alpha male” almost takes care of itself.
- “50 Ways to Increase Your Testosterone Naturally” by Alexander Juan Antonio Cortes
- The Testosterone Optimization Therapy Bible by Jay Campbell and Jim Brown – everything you need to know about testosterone, including clinical options
- Transform Your Habits by James Clear – the best guide on how to effectively form new habits (and break bad ones)
Eliminate Your Anti-Seductive Traits
Learning seduction skills does you no good if they are masked by your anti-seductive traits.
Make yourself “antifragile” by eliminating your odds of losing first. The first step to becoming a winner is to stop being a loser. Once you stop losing, you’ll eventually find something that works if you keep trying.
Strengthen Your Seductive Traits
Most men have a certain image in their mind of what it means to be an alpha male. But there are many different flavors of character traits that can make you sexually desirable.
Find the seductive type(s) best suited to your own personality. Don’t make it harder than you need to by trying to imitate a style that’s unnatural for you.
- The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene – the first part of the book explains the 9 seductive types in detail. You can Google for summaries.
Phase 1: Getting In Her Head
Your wife lives in her own world. She’s occupied with anxieties and daily concerns. And when she’s worried about her routine, she’s not thinking about having sex with you. The goal in this phase is to replace her daily anxious thoughts with thoughts of you. There are four keys to doing this:
The Seduction Profile
Seduction, like sex, is about filling a void.
If your wife is worried about a different void in her life, like not getting sleep, fearing for her personal safety, not having reliable income, etc. then she’s going to be less aware of her sexual needs.
Furthermore, once her basic physical and safety needs are fulfilled she’s going to seek out fulfillment to her self-esteem and “self-actualization” needs. Feminism has conditioned her to seek those needs outside of the home and marriage bed.
Now, you can complain all you want about what your wife ought to do (there’s online support groups for that) or you can take matters into your own hands. Study your wife. Take an inventory of her needs and think about how you can connect those needs to the marriage bed.
(I intend to write more on this later. For now, get to know your wife’s basic needs with the resources below.)
- Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
- How to Personality Type Your Wife with 4 Questions – after you’ve identified your wife’s personality type, the premium profile at 16Personalities has a useful section on esteem needs.
- The 12 Common Archetypes – useful archetypes for identifying what your wife wants most out of life.
The Destiny Context
Most Christian husbands attempt to get sex in a direct manner. Either they ask directly if she’s ready for some “fun time” or they exhort her from the Bible that wives are not to deprive their husbands.
But the direct approach will always be met with resistance.
You might think you’re being “authoritative” when you directly ask for her submission, but when you lead with a direct request it’s a surefire way to kill the mood for her. When I took the direct approach, my wife complained that “all you want is sex.” Those complaints were dropped when I changed to the indirect approach.
What you need is a larger context. Make her feel like you were destined to have great sex as a part of something bigger.
The ideal context for a Christian marriage is a kingdom. Once she understands the Kingdom context, it makes sense that you are the “king” of your household… ruler of your own dynasty within God’s larger kingdom. She is the honored queen that has been chosen by the king.
Soon enough, it only makes sense that she should love your royal seed, bear royal children on your behalf, and adore your royal vessel of life. But it all starts with cultivating a larger understanding of how we are co-conquerors in expanding God’s kingdom.
Sex without context is just rubbing body parts together. But a kingdom context means the king is bringing his favored queen into his inner chamber.
- The Immortal Dynasty – a Tumblr blog I started to teach my wife and family about the Kingdom of God.
The Mystery Man
Most of us, by default, settle into an obvious pattern after marriage. Once she thinks she’s got you figured out, she loses interest in you.
Cultivate paradoxes in your character. If you’re a skinny philosopher, start working out. If you’re a macho guy, take up an artistic hobby. Whatever your stereotype is do the opposite of what’s expected.
Not only will this broaden your perspective and give you new tools for solving problems, but it will get her brain spinning trying to figure you out. It’s like meeting a new man all over again.
Christian husbands are typically taught to earn their wives’ sexual interest through words of affirmation, gifts, massages, etc.
Christian husbands also don’t have much sex.
The reason is because your wife’s sexual attraction to you is not based on how nice you are to her. Her sexual interest stems from being your preferred object of attention among other women. This is why she was into you during the dating years and lost interest after marriage. No more competition.
Sexual Competition + Fear of Loss = Horny Woman.
This is often the most difficult truth for Christian husbands to accept. It goes against the grain of everything we’ve been taught. But it sounds meaner in theory than it is in practice. If you achieve everything above, you will most likely need to do nothing more than work out and upgrade your wardrobe. This is the most obvious and socially acceptable way to attract attention from other women.
- “The 12 Step Plan of Dread” by The Blue Pill Professor
- Sexual Market Value Test for Married Men– a self-assessment for estimating your sexual attractiveness to women in general
Phase 2: Stirring Her Desire
Isolate Her Need for Seed
Your wife is going to focus on her area of discontentment. There are two things that will block her desire for sexual fulfillment.
First, she may be discontented in another area, such as not getting enough sleep, worrying about money, lack of meaningful work, etc.
But once her basic needs are fulfilled, she may still be unaware of her sexual needs. For example, she may continue to focus on her career, not because it is fulfilling a need, but because it has become her habit. Here, the strategy is to disrupt her habits by showing her that she no longer needs what she’s pursuing and that it is, in fact, harming her.
The goal is to satisfy her non-sexual needs and free up mental resources so she has nothing left to do but think about sex.
- Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – a useful tool for identifying basic needs. If any need other than sex is unfulfilled, you’ll have a difficult time seducing your wife.
Master the Art of Insinuation
The more your wife thinks about sex, the more eager she’ll be when you “make your move.” Plant ideas in her mind that get her thinking about you throughout the day. Covertly hint at the “naughty” things you want to do with her.
- Pre-Suasion by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D. – how to covertly plant ideas in people’s mind so that they are prepared to accept an idea when it’s explicitly presented.
Match Her Temperament
Your wife sees the world through the lense of her current mood.
If your moods are mismatched, it will be difficult to seduce her. You want to be able to adapt to her moods (without losing control of the frame). In so doing, you will lower her defenses and make her more susceptible to your suggestions.
Rather than waiting for her to be in the right mood, you can use any of her moods to seduce her.
- Personality Plus by Florence Littauer – an introduction to the four basic temperaments. Most people have a dominant and a secondary temperament. Anyone can be any of the temperaments depending on the situation.
Tap Into Her Irrational Fantasy
A hidden, irrational fantasy is the most powerful desire a woman can have. She will quickly (and often radically) change her entire worldview and identity if she believes you can lead her towards that fantasy.
Fantasies are immune to setbacks and failures because, at their core, they are not based on logic or real experiences anyways.
Her secret fantasy is the most powerful tool you have at your disposal. Identify this fantasy and start hinting that you can lead her towards it.
- The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene – includes a chapter on the 18 “victim” types and the keys to their sexual fantasies.
Phase 3: Playing the Game
Verbalize Her Fantasies
Now you are not merely hinting at her secret fantasies, you explicitly describe them. Start leaving her naughty notes to give her something to think about that day. The more she thinks about sex, the happier and more “ready” she’ll be for you.
Use Variety to Create Suspense
New locations. New positions. New angles to think about the fantasy. Keep it fresh so she never quite knows what’s coming next.
Provide Her with Perfect Gifts
Sex and submission needs to take place in a context of trust. Just as God blesses us with perfect gifts that suit our needs, so too the husband blesses his wife. This is how she knows that you care about her and consider her specific needs.
Create Your Sexual Identity
Poetry is the art of making the mundane seem intriguing. Transcend the familiar identity of “husband” and become her “king,” her “stallion”, her “Don Juan” or whatever identities are appropriate to the fantasy.
Lose Control of Yourself
When doing the deed, lose all sense of inhibition.
Focus only on how you want to devour her body. Make her feel as though you are simply a victim of your primal passions. You don’t even realize what you are doing; her body simply brings out the animal in you.
Bring Her Fantasy to Life
Start incorporating the language from the naughty notes into the bedroom. Fantasy and reality start to merge. She is hypnotized by the surreal experience.
Remove Toxic Influences
She is now almost ready to embrace a lifestyle of sexual submission. But there are outside influences that might hold her back.
Perhaps it’s propaganda coming through social media. Perhaps it’s a friend or family member that oversteps their boundaries and pressures her to follow feminism.
You must ruthlessly cut off her toxic influences. Set boundaries. Make a confrontation. Move away if necessary. Better to be thought of as a jerk than to allow an enemy to infiltrate your home.
Phase 4: Preparing for the Plunge
Put Her Fears to Rest
Whatever you’re intending to introduce to her, she’s going to feel threatened by it.
New ideas and experiences are always scary. Instead of trying to explain all the benefits of your fantasy, think of all the reasons she might feel threatened by it. Then proactively change her beliefs about those threats before you even introduce the change. (More on this later.)
Tap into Her Primal Desires
Every woman has a hidden desire to “regress” to a more primal form of sexuality. She feels oppressed by the expectations of polite society and longs to be liberated. Start dropping hints and innuendo remarks that tap into these primal desires.
- Leviticus Made Sexy – an outline of primal sexual desires
Explore Taboo Topics; Expand Her Mental Boundaries
Embark on a joint “research” project together to discover the truth about sexuality. Bring up topics she’d be afraid to ask on her own. Expand her mental boundaries of what’s considered acceptable in God’s eyes.
Spiritualize the Experience
Conservative Bible commentators were right about one thing: the Song of Solomon is a spiritual experience.
But the part they missed is that it’s all about sex.
The sexual act is not merely “rubbing body parts together.” Everything has a meaning. She is a fertile field that needs to plowed and watered with good seed. She loves to sit in your shade and taste your “good fruit.” She offers her body to you as a sacrifice. Your semen is the anointing oil that shows your approval of her offering, etc. etc.
Condition Her Behavior
Many husbands attempt to get their wife’s submission with an outwards-in approach. In other words, they ask for submission in mundane matters and hope that, eventually, she’ll submit in the bedroom.
While it may be necessary to make such requests for pressing problems, I think this is an ineffective long-term strategy.
Sexual desire is more powerful than logical demands. The will to submit outside the bedroom is made ready when there is sexual submission in the bedroom. Once she is conditioned to please you in the bedroom, you can start conditioning her behavior outside the bedroom by giving your approval and disapproval to her behaviors.
Phase 5: Claiming the Booty
Become the Prize
Up until now, your wife has been used to you being the pursuer. But in the long-run, you want her to seduce you. This is the point when you back down. You allow yourself to be the prize that she must pursue.
Create Sexual Tension
She is sexually awakened. You no longer need to speak to get what you want. You simply create sexual tension with your physical presence and touch.
Master the Bold Move
Most Christian sex manuals teach husbands that they need to get their wife “warmed up” before sex by giving her a massage or gentle kisses first. While these things can sometimes lead to sex, the reality is that foreplay is mostly about what takes place in her imagination.
Once sexual tension has been created, a woman wants to be taken suddenly, passionately, aggressively. This is the bold move.
Phase 6: Begin the Next Round of Seduction
While young women are desired for marriage due to their fertility, a mature woman who has been under your seductive spell for years has a distinct advantage. She will be a more advanced lover: less inhibited and more eager to please you. This is an important component of the imperishable beauty that both men and women desire. While her body ages, she becomes increasingly more submissive to your will, and hence more beautiful in your eyes.
But be warned: submissiveness is not an automatic blessing. A woman will either become increasingly hardened with age or increasingly submissive. It depends on how active you are in moulding her to your liking.
After you have successfully completed a round of seduction, you must find the next challenge and begin the process again. Stagnation will kill the passion.