If you wish to build your own religious empire, the formula for success can be found right in the Bible:

For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth. (2 Tim 3:6-7)

The key to religious power is guilt manipulation. The formula is simple:

Perpetual Guilt + Long Education Program = Captive Convert

If you run out of actual sins, you can invent your own! There’s no limit to the amount of guilt that can be manufactured if you only apply your imagination.

Women are particularly susceptible to guilt manipulation and will enthusiastically join any program with a vague promise to help them find relief.

Now, as for the men, they are a bit more difficult…

You see, men have this obnoxious thing called “testosterone” and it makes them quite difficult to control.

Men, in their natural state, do not want to stay still. They will not submit easily to authority. Rather than accepting their external circumstances, they will bend reality to their will. There is virtually no limit to what a man can accomplish through sheer willpower. To make matters worse, men have an innate ability to set aside their differences and join forces when they are threatened or wish to accomplish a task.

The male naturally judges others in terms of their utility to his mission. The male has no problem severing connections with anything or anyone that hinders his pursuit. He is not susceptible to guilt manipulation like the woman. He evaluates everything in terms of his mission. He will even shun loved ones if necessary.

Hopefully you can see how this is problematic.

But, in recent times, our Social Experimentation team has discovered a way to control men. It was found that if young boys are educated in the same manner as girls, they will grow up to be, as far as our purpose is concerned, functionally like women. Namely, you can condition a young boy to think of his “maleness” as “toxic” by punishing early expressions of his male instincts.

The fruit of this operant conditioning will be in full effect by time the boy reaches young adulthood. You now have a relatively docile male who is burdened with guilt over his male instincts. The doctrine of “lust” is particularly effective towards controlling the male as he has already been trained to feel guilty over “objectifying women.”

It’s best that the male does not learn to study the Scriptures on his own, for then he would discover our sleight-of-hand maneuvers that were necessary to formulate our doctrines. Best to lead him to believe that he is “unqualified” to handle the Scriptures and that it is “dangerous” to reach conclusions on his own without the aid of an “expert.”. This is relatively easy to do as the young man’s self-confidence is all but non-existent as a result of his earlier education. He has been trained to study, memorize, and restate answers that have been taught to him rather than to think for himself.

Nevertheless the man still retains some remnants of his instincts. He does not wish to be blatantly controlled so it is best to loosen his leash a little. Let him feel like he is being a “spiritual leader” to his family. We provide a wide range of programs for that, including:

  • Sunday morning sermons
  • Wednesday night Bible studies
  • New member classes
  • Revivals
  • Seminars
  • Retreats
  • Radio programs
  • Podcasts
  • Bible colleges
  • Daily Bible reading plans
  • Bible seminaries
  • Sunday night sermons
  • Daily devotions
  • Bible conferences
  • Training programs
  • Bible Institutes

It is ideal that the male join or follow these programs at the request of his wife. By this time, he is already persuaded he is guilty of objectifying women, so appeasing his wife’s requests by stepping up to be a “spiritual leader” is an excellent way to help him feel a brief sense of relief from his guilt.

Furthermore, men also have an instinct to provide for and protect their offspring. So we offer a variety of programs to satisfy that need as well:

  • Sunday School
  • Awanas
  • Children’s churches
  • Summer Bible camps
  • Christian schools
  • Vacation Bible School

Don’t get too hung up on the format of the learning. That’s not what matters. The program will be effective so long as it meets two criteria:

  1. Provides the illusion of progress while remaining ambiguous enough to leave the student confused
  2. Engages enough of the student’s time and energy so he is sufficiently distracted from examining the Scriptures

With a group of guilt-ridden men and women, you’d be pleasantly surprised at how easy they are to control. So long as you never fully relieve the student of his or her guilt, they will always assume the problem is with themselves rather than the system.

It’s elegant self-reinforcing system: the guilt prompts them to join a program and the resulting confusion from the teaching causes them to feel more inadequate, prompting them to seek out more programs to remedy the problem.

Isn’t religion great? There’s no other industry like it.

On a serious note, if you find that you’ve been learning about the Bible for years and still get confused when you read it, you are NOT the problem. You’re operating in the wrong system.

Here’s one clue that has shed a lot of light on the Scriptures for me recently:

Start with 2 Timothy. This is the most logical place to start.

Think of it like visiting a blog.

When you visit a blog, you skim some of the articles to get an idea what it’s about. Then you check the “About” page.

On this particular “About page” you learn that the author is Paul, a messenger of good news to the Gentiles.

“Perfect!” you think to yourself. “I’m a Gentile. And I could use some good news right now.”

So you’re ready to start reading. Where do you start?

The most recent post, of course! The one on the top. That’s the one with the most relative and up-to-date information.

This most recent post is titled, “All of Asia Has Abandoned Me…”

Uh-oh. Something just went wrong. What’s going on?

Let’s start reading and find out…

(If you want a good commentary on 2 Timothy to aid your study, I recommend “The Church in Ruins” by Clyde L. Pilkington, Jr. I think he occasionally reads too much into the text, but he provides a lot of solid observations. Plus, it’s a short read.)