I found an unexpected nugget of wisdom while reading a parenting blog by Roslyn Ross.
The post is about the danger of thinking of parenting as a job rather than a relationship. But she also inadvertently hit upon the masculinity problem faced by many husbands today:
To illustrate why it’s so unhealthy to turn a relationship into a job, imagine a new husband takes on the job of being a Good Husband. He starts doing all these things he doesn’t really want to do–mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, reading to the kids, helping his wife with the dishes, he gets the highest paying job he can and works his tail off, and at first he’s patting himself on the back going, “I am such a good boy” but after a while he starts to feel like being a good husband is a huge obligation, a chore, a long list of things to do. It’s not fun anymore. And he’s starting to resent his wife and see her as this kind of slave driver.
The reason being a Good Boy is so unfulfilling is that he’s following a pre-written “script.” He’s not learning or discovering or growing and without growth there is no life.
The other reason it’s so unhealthy is who wrote the script. It wasn’t the husband.
The concept of the “Good Husband” is nothing but coercion… both to yourself (because someone else said you had to do it) and to your family (because you expect them to give you something in return.) The harder you try to do the right things, the less your wife will respect you and the more you’ll resent both her and yourself.
Instead, take the lead by deciding for yourself how you want to live. Take charge of your learning and growth. Don’t follow someone else’s script.
A woman is a follower by nature. She will follow and submit to a man who takes charge of his own life.