After many years of trying to understand women, I believe I’ve managed to distill what a woman wants down to just three simple words.

Why is a woman’s behavior so full of contradictions? For example…

  • Date an alpha male and eventually get pregnant, knowing in advance that he’ll leave her to raise the child alone
  • Become suddenly sexually aroused when other women are interested in her man, when she was repulsed by him earlier
  • Try to change her husband, then get mad at him when he does change (and even leave him for a man like he first was)

Thanks to the red pill movement, we have the observations of thousands of men’s experiences with women. We’ve seen that certain patterns emerge and that women are more predictable than they’d like us to believe.

But if I may be so bold, I’d like to suggest that there is a single unifying theme that explains everything a woman does. It’s a single, subconcious but all-consuming desire:

Loss of control.

This explains everything about women. Or at least everything that I’m aware of.

  • Fitness tests? She wants to see if you’re man enough to take control away from her.
  • Comfort tests? She wants to know that you still have control (of her) and she won’t have to take it back
  • 50 Shades of Gray? A highly dramatized tale of losing control
  • Wild and rough sex? Basically like getting drunk
  • A man with a plan? He who has the plan takes control over the clueless
  • Working hard to earn approval? Whoever needs approval the most is under control of the one who gives it out
  • Seeing other women interested in her man? She now longer has control over him… how arousing!
  • Getting pregnant? She’s no longer an independent woman.
  • etc. etc.

Drama, Pain, and Arousal

Now, I don’t think this “loss of control” observation is particularly novel. It’s just a summary of the findings of many years of PUA and red pill blogs.

But here’s where things get interesting…

Loss of control doesn’t happen instantaneously. And it doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s a process that occurs in time and space.

In other words, it’s a story.

We know that women love stories. They love drama. And we know that every woman is the star of her own movie that’s playing in her head.

When you break it down, a story is simple. It contains three elements:*

  1. A desire (or goal)
  2. A character
  3. A conflict

That’s all you need to create a story. And women crave stories. Specifically, she craves a story (either real or imagined) where she is the “victim” who experiences a loss of control.

And how does this story of her losing control happen?

Well, there’s many ways it could happen, but there is one specific way that God prescribed for it to happen:

To the woman He said, “I will greatly increase your suffering and your childbearing; in pain shall you bear children. Yet your craving shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.

-Genesis 3:16 (Tanach: The Stone Edition)

Outside of the Garden of Eden, a woman must experience pain to bring forth children. In fact, the central theme of a woman’s life is discomfort, either in bearing and raising children or in attracting a man to impregnate her.

Blackdragon wrote an excellent post detailing the many pains an ordinary woman must go through just to get through life. Here’s just a small sampling:

  • Constantly worry about her weight. Multiply by 10 if she’s even a tiny bit overweight.
  • Body image issues, oppressive religious upbringing, daddy issues, etc.
  • Throwing up and other complications after getting pregnant (not to mention the unbearable pain of actually giving birth)
  • Trying to lose baby fat after pregnancy… then it’s back to the above
  • Constant guilt over wanting sex (“anti-slut defense”)
  • Sleep deprivation due to needing 90 minutes to get ready in the morning
  • As she approaches 30 she (appropriately) fears that she will never marry… or she realizes she’s stuck with a sexually repulsive man… or she worries her husband will lose interest in her

In other words, a woman’s life is a never ending flow of physical and emotion pain.

And all of this pain is either preparation for, or a result of having sex with a man. Not to mention that the sexual act itself involves at least some pain for the woman… for obvious mechanical reasons.

To put it bluntly, it is simply not sensible for a woman to have sex with a man. It only brings her pain.

And yet her body craves more than anything to be inseminated by an alpha male. This is the climax of her story. Him losing control of himself and unleashing his animal-like passion upon her body. And her, the helpless victim at the mercy of a man who is smarter and stronger than her in every way.

And therein lies the conflict. She knows she should resist and keep herself safe from pain. And yet she craves so badly to have a man wrestle that decision away from her.

And where there is conflict, there is emotion. And for a woman, emotion = arousal.

The “Formula”

I believe the process of female arousal can be conceptualized like so (in this rather crude attempt at a table):

 Stage 1Stage 2Stage 3
Themesafety(potential) pain or shameloss of control
Responseresistance to any changearousal and confusionclimax and addiction

To illustrate, consider the following samples. If you’ve taken the red pill, you’ll intuitively know that these fantasies would arouse almost any woman:

(Warning: X-rated language follows)

Her church friends [safety] had no idea how much of a dirty slut she was [shame]. She knew it was wrong but she just couldn’t stop doing it. [loss of control/addiction.]

She tried to get her chores done [safety] but she couldn’t stay focused. She knew he would be mad when he got back from work. [shame]. When he returned home, he bent her over his knee and spanked her until she cried like a little girl [pain/loss of control]. Then he forced her to suck his cock to remind her who was in charge. [loss of control]

Her mother wanted her to pursue a career as a lawyer [safety]. But she secretly wanted nothing more than for her tight little body to get pounded and used by a dominant man. She wanted to carry his seed and get pregnant. [shame/pain]. She was so horny she could no longer focus on her studies. She spent all her free time reading impregnation fantasies online and masturbating. [loss of control]

The story can also be non-verbal and merely implied by the actions. For example…

Starting with “just the tip” [safety]. Then getting “rougher” [pain] until the bed starts violently rocking and creaking [loss of control].

Doing chores together [safety]. Then slapping her ass [pain] and pinning her against the wall and devouring her body [loss of control]

Giving her a massage [safety]. Then biting her ears [pain]. Then turning up the heat until you’re groaning like a animal in heat and she’s gasping for air [loss of control].

I believe it is through this arousal process that a woman’s pain is redeemed. It is what she craves more than anything else.

Too Long, Didn’t Read…

Here’s the big takeaway:

As Nice Guys, we’re conditioned to yield to a woman’s resistance. But we don’t realize that her resistance, and the potential pain that follows, is the key to her arousal.

Instead of backing down at resistance, that’s when the heat needs to be turned up. Tease her about how ashamed she’ll feel or how sore she’s going to be when she finally gives in to your will.

IF you, as a man, are strong enough (physically, emotionally, mentally) to take away her control…

Then she will become aroused by the thought of the potential pain she will experience as you pull her away from sensibility and safety into a complete loss of control.

(Read that last sentence a few times and ponder it. It’s weird. But, as best I can tell, it’s true.)

* Acknowledgement to Hollywood script consultant Michael Hauge for his insights into story structure. Though he should not be held responsible for my misogynistic applications of his ideas.