WARNING: The following test, when properly applied, will feel like a slap in the face. But it’s for your own good.
Robert Greene’s Art of Seduction is a well-respected manual in the seduction community. People love to talk about the different seducer types and which type fits their style.
But the most important chapter in the book is seldom discussed. It’s a short chapter titled “The Anti-Seducer.” Funny how nobody claims that type for themselves.
But the anti-seducer is the most important topic of seduction to study. It won’t matter how much “game” you learn if all your skill is masked by the odious stench of anti-seduction.
On the other hand, if you eradicate your anti-seductive qualities, even a nominal improvement in your game will likely get you laid on a regular basis. If you eliminate your chances of losing, just trying anything will eventually lead you to victory.
To make the information more useful, I’ve put it together a short self-assessment that you can review and reflect upon. Expect to find at least one, and even several or more, of these anti-seductive traits lurking in your character. I know I did.
And be honest with yourself. It’s your own sex life on the line here. Nobody else cares if you “aced” the test.
The Tell: You feel like the seduction process is too long. You get upset when your wife denies you sex.
Why It Turns Her Off: Impatience makes her feel pressured to “do the deed” without evidence that you have considered her needs. It also signifies a sensitive ego, which is a turn off. Sometimes alpha males can pull this strategy off in the dating world, but it’s ineffective for a long-term relationship.
The Remedy: Accept and embrace the long-term process of seduction. Control your response to her rejections; don’t take it personally. Refrain from jerking off every time you get a boner.
The Tell: You automatically praise your wife’s beauty, even when she has not made any effort to please you. You may also find yourself frequently affirming her opinion and rarely able to disagree with her.
Why It Turns Her Off: While she may initially appreciate the ego boost, eventually she grows to mistrust your praise. She loses motivation to improve herself and thus feels bad about herself. Meanwhile, your barrage of unwarranted praise simply comes across as neediness.
The Remedy: Withhold your praise until she has made an effort to please you. For example, don’t tell her she’s beautiful or sexy until she’s dressed up, working out, or performing a desirable activity in the bedroom.
The Tell: You find yourself constantly worrying whether you (or others) are committing sexual sins.
Why It Turns Her Off: Sex is supposed to be a fun game. Preoccupation with sexual sin indicates a restrictive view of sex, a desire to control others, and an inability to take pleasure in life.
The Remedy: Get clear once-and-for all where the hard limits are. Get precise definitions to sexual sins so you are no longer a victim of ambiguous guilt. Commit yourself to not crossing those sensible boundaries and start having fun!
The Tell: You frequently find yourself saying things are “too expensive.”
Why It Turns Her Off: Cheapness signals a constricted character. You have a hard time letting go or taking a risk. It signals a lack of generosity. This is the most anti-seductive trait of all.
The Remedy: Instead of saying “I can’t afford it” or “It’s too expensive”, ask yourself “does this expense serve a good purpose?” and “how can I afford it?” Also, try giving more freely of your money even if you don’t feel the purchase is entirely necessary.
(Reversal: Don’t give too much, as if you’re attempting to “buy” her affections.)
The Tell: You find yourself frequently missing sexual opportunities due to not acting quickly or boldly enough. Or you frequently find yourself “ruining the mood” in the heat of the act due to fumbling around.
Why It Turns Her Off: Sexual desire is all about timing. Awkward execution indicates a lack of confidence. Your self-consciousness becomes contagious and so she becomes self-conscious as well.
The Remedy: Perhaps the most difficult to remedy, but definitely possible. Simplify your approach to leave less room for error. Increase your testosterone. Read The Inner Game of Tennis (a book about eliminating performance anxiety). Continue to read pro-masculinity blogs until you find yourself acting more assertively.
The Tell: You find yourself talking during sex or foreplay and notice that your words are not enhancing the mood.
Why It Turns Her Off: While words have a place in seduction, sex is primarily physical. Too much talk breaks the spell.
The Remedy: Basically, just shut the f*** up. Practice saying less than you think necessary. Be mindful to avoid “D.E.E.R.” responses (defend, excuse, explain, rationalize.)
The Tell: You catch yourself whining or complaining. You have a hard time laughing at yourself. You get offended when someone makes a joke at your expense.
Why It Turns Her Off: Basically, you are reacting to things like a woman. You are far too sensitive. You are offering her nothing that she can’t experience with her girlfriends.
The Remedy: Make jokes about your weaknesses. Instead of complaining when something bad happens, ignore it or laugh it off.
The Tell: Your wife has recently complained about your hygiene or personal appearance. Or she has recently complained about you saying inappropriate things in public.
Why It Turns Her Off: Seduction requires attentiveness to details. Not paying attention to your personal appearance or good taste indicates you are selfish and have an inability to see yourself as others see you.
The Remedy: Pay attention! Learn proper hygiene, put some thought into your clothing, take care of any socially offensive problems.
(NOTE: This is the anti-seductive trait I’ve had to work on most. It’s common among intellectual types. And since blogs tend to attract intellectual types, I recommend giving this one a second consideration.)
Along with low testosterone, anti-seductive traits create the worst conditions for having a good sex life. Eliminating these traits should be a top priority.
Eliminating these qualities will help improve all aspects of your life. But thinking of them as a roadblock to sex might give you that extra boost of motivation you need to finally do something about it.