One of the great things about the internet is it allows a savvy user to practically read the minds of people you wish to influence.
Case in point:
There is an online forum over at Grace Centered called “Christian Women Sexual Topics.”
Here are some of the most popular questions that Christian wives are privately wondering:
- Is using birth control and condoms inside of marriage a sin?
- Is masturbation a sin?
- Is it a sin to have an erotic dream involving another man?
- Can’t enjoy sex…
- Is it a sin to have sexual thoughts about someone other than my husband?
- Is it wrong to enjoy reading erotica?
- How can I deal with lusting after hot guys?
- I feel guilty because I privately fantasize about being raped…
- Need prayer to heal from the past…
- I have issues with attraction and fantasies towards women…
Notice that most of the topics are variations of “is this a sin?” A woman cannot focus on pleasing her husband when her conscience is guilty.
It is psychologically damaging to hold in guilty secrets. If your wife has aversions to or anxiety about sex, there’s a good chance unaddressed guilty thoughts are at the root.
As her husband, you can take the initiative and get these topics out in the open. You don’t need to “solve” the problem. Just show her how God’s word is not as restrictive as she was led to believe.
Alleviate her guilty conscience by drawing a clear line between what is good and what is sin. Do not be afraid emphasize the boundaries that God clearly commanded. But also remember the most important principle of interpreting the Bible:
Do not add to His words
Or He will reprove you, and you will be proved a liar.