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The other week I wrote a post summarizing some of the common sex questions Christian wives are privately asking online.

Most of the questions centered around issues of guilt. I thought it’d be fun/useful/provocative to give my answers to each of the questions.

Q: Is using birth control and condoms inside of marriage a sin?

A: No. Do not add to the word of God. “Be fruitful and multiply” does not mean have as many children as you can as fast as humanly possible.

Exception: some forms of birth control destroy life after conception. Sometimes it is difficult to assess the effects of a birth control. Condoms are probably the safest bet in terms of conscience.

Q: Is masturbation a sin?

A: No. Do not add to the word of God.

Q: Is it a sin to have an erotic dream involving another man?

A: No. Do not add to the word of God.

Q: I can’t enjoy sex…

A: Ask her what she is thinking about while she is having sex. Get specifics.

Q: Is it a sin to have sexual thoughts about someone other than my husband?

A: No. Do not add to the word of God.

Exception: It is a sin to covet a man other than your husband. But this is different than fleeting sexual thoughts.

Q: Is it a sin to enjoy reading erotica?

A: No. Otherwise you couldn’t enjoy the Song of Songs.

Q: How can I deal with lusting after hot guys?

A: The modern concept of lust is different from the biblical concept of lust. She is probably just noticing physical features that women instinctively find attractive. But if it truly is sinful lust, the solution is simple: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

Q: I feel guilty because I privately fantasize about being raped…

A: “Rape” is modern term used to shame both men and women for natural sexual instincts. It is not wrong to have sexual fantasies about being roughly taken by a man. Do not add to the word of God.

Q: Need prayer to heal from the past…

A: Pray. But don’t allow her to continue to identify as a victim. There is (probably) nothing wrong with her physically. It’s all in her head. Help her to focus on positive aspects of sex (like the Song of Songs) rather than negative (like being a sexual abuse victim.)

Q: I have issues with attraction and fantasies towards women…

A: The Bible never condemns women for finding other women sexually attractive. The Song of Songs even encourages it (Song 6:13).