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I’m going to guess that the following two statements are true for most men:

  1. Men do not want to be porn addicts
  2. Men do not want to spend 30+ minutes “warming up” a woman every time they feel horny

The two statements are more related than I realized.

Most sex advice I’ve read emphasizes the importance of taking your time with the woman, making sure she’s comfortable, pleasuring her body to get her in the mood, etc.

This is obviously not the instinctual preference of a young man. When a young man is on, he’s like a rutting buck… ready to mount as soon as opportunity presents itself.

The Christian sex manuals I’ve read emphasize that learning to slow down and pleasure a woman is part of learning sacrificial love and patience.

There may be some truth to that.

However:

I think this advice is harmful when it’s presented as the primary sexual strategy for a married man.

I’ve noticed that there are two “schools of thought” when it comes to arousing a woman:

  1. Focus on her pleasure
  2. Focus on your pleasure

Both of these approaches can work. But the first is difficult to sustain.

It takes tremendous willpower to spend an hour “warming up” a woman night after night.

Willpower rapidly depletes over time. Maybe you can pull it off a night or two. But if it takes that much heavy lifting to get a woman ready, it’s just not a sustainable strategy.

The more a man tries to please his woman, the more frustrated he gets and the more likely he is to be driven back to porn.

Now, I’ll confess: In terms of skill, I am not very good in the bedroom (yet.) I have good frame control and can keep the desire alive, but my bedroom performance is rather dull.

Whenever I try to please her, it doesn’t go well. But I’ve noticed that whenever I focus on my pleasure–even with my lackluster skills– she ends up having a good time.

From a red pilled perspective, this makes sense. We know that women desire to be used by a man. So when a man takes raw primal pleasure in her body, it’s going to be arousing to her.

Now here’s where things get interesting:

Most pornography is a Type 1 fantasy. It’s all about her pleasure.

The camera is centered on the woman the whole time and she’s moaning and groaning. The man is in the background and contributes nothing more to the scene than a ridiculously sized plowing tool.

Based on my experience and what I’ve read in the manosphere, this is not at all how real women behave during sex.

Porn is designed to appeal to the ultimate beta male fantasy:

Pleasure a woman to ecstasy. Cut out the boring 30+ minutes of foreplay.

Contrast this to the erotica that women read:

The man takes primal pleasure in the woman. He uses her body when and how he pleases. The sexual encounters are centered on the man and his primal urges.

While men are often vilified in Christian circles for looking at pornography, the irony is that porn is just reinforcing the same message men get in the church: the pussy and her pleasure is the focal point of the sexual relationship.

Men are told to “sacrifice” their pleasure and instincts in order to please their wives.

Ironically, this leaves both parties unfulfilled and frustrated.

If we truly want to help men overcome their porn addictions, we shouldn’t shame them for wanting to look at.

We should make fun of porn. And not just porn, but all ineffective sexual strategies that place the pussy on a pedestal.

It’s only when men begin focusing on their own pleasure that we will finally have happy women.

Btw, my posting frequency on this blog may slow down for a bit. Focusing on growing an audience on Twitter. I’m at 210 followers right now. If I can get up to 500 in the next several weeks, I’ll take that as validation that I’ve got a good message-audience match. If you come here looking for updates, you can read my compressed thoughts on Twitter.