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Contrary to the script young men are indoctrinated with, learning to properly objectify a woman is a critical manhood skill.

I’m not talking about the degrading kind of objectification… like telling her she doesn’t need to use her brains or any such nonsense.

I’m referring to the skill of being able to look at a woman as an object that needs to be acted upon. 

Most men try to view their woman as a friend. And friendships are fragile. Friendships only last as long as there is shared interest.

But marriage is not a friendship.

A real marriage occurs when a man actively cultivates and protects a woman.

The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. (Gen 2:15)

Man was created to fulfill two tasks:

  1. Work the garden (abad) – in this context, to till or cultivate the garden so that it brought forth it’s fruit
  2. Keep the garden (shamar) – keep watch, preserve, protect the garden

Now, as we learn in the Song of Songs and in Ephesians 5, man’s real work is not gardening. The garden was a real life metaphor to help men understand women.

Some clarification on the cultivation process might be helpful here:

Loosening and breaking up (tilling) of the soil. The soil around existing plants is cultivated (by hand using a hoe, or by machine using a cultivator) to destroy weeds and promote growth by increasing soil aeration and water infiltration. Soil being prepared for the planting of a crop is cultivated by a harrow or plow.

A woman must be regularly “loosened” and broken in to destroy the negative effects that accumulate in her body. She must be opened up and “prepared” to be nourished with life-giving water. Deep plowing is especially necessary when planting a new “crop” or opening up new channels for “water infiltration.”

Also note that cultivation is not for the timid. The man must use the appropriate amount of force that the situation calls for. The ground gives resistance and a slack hand cannot penetrate the ground deep enough to properly plant his seed.

In short, the gardener cannot be preoccupied with whether he’s hurting the ground’s feelings. He “objectifies” the ground by seeing it as something that needs to be worked upon.

Most men lack confidence with women. Seeing a woman as a garden that needs to be “worked” is the key to confidence.