I’ve noticed one of the biggest challenges married red pill men deal with is figuring out when their wife is “shit testing” them.
I’ve struggled with this for awhile as well. After all, to the untrained eye, all emotional outbursts simply look like a distressed woman.
I would always wonder if I came down with a strong hand when comfort was needed, or vice versa.
Recognizing a woman’s manipulations is one the most essential skills a man can have. His refusal of her manipulations will lead to happiness. His failure to recognize them, to misery.
In order to get the bottom of the matter, we have to understand precisely what a “shit test” is.
To paraphrase chapter 1 in The Rational Male, a shit test is a power play. She is subtly testing to find out who needs the other more. Who is willing to compromise to “hold the peace.”
As an example, if your boss asked you to stay at work an extra few hours, you’d probably say “yes” even though you had other plans. You need the paycheck, more than he needs you (or so he assumes.)
Whoever needs the other person more has the power in the relationship.
A “shit test” is nothing more than a woman finding out if you’re willing to compromise yourself in order to appease her (i.e. keep having sex with her.)
Now, there will always be some compromise. It’s exhausting (and ineffective) for a man to attempt to “win” every conflict of interest. The crucial question is, “how important is this to me?”
If it’s a difference of opinion on the color of curtains, probably best to let it go. (Unless you’re an interior designer by trade.)
But if she asks you to compromise on your mission, your strategy on how you achieve your goal, or one of your core values, this is a definite shit test that you don’t want to fail.
Everything else is more of an art than a science. If you’re playing video games and she asks you to do a chore, should you do it? Probably not… at least not right away. You’re communicating that not offending her is more important than your present enjoyment. You just failed a shit test.
What if she had an upsetting experience and wants to vent when you get home from work?
This probably is NOT a shit test. She’s just needs to vent her feelings.
However, if it’s important to you to have a few minutes of “down time” before talking, you can ask her to wait a few minutes.
I think what qualifies as a “shit test” is somewhat relative. You have to define your boundaries for yourself beforehand. Then you have to ask yourself in the moment:
- What is she asking me to compromise?
- Can I do so without violating my boundaries?
The man who continually compromises his boundaries implicitly reveals that he needs sex from his wife more than she needs his approval.
Better to hold your ground. If necessary, rub one out in private. To borrow Bill Burr’s line, “it’s the champagne of victory.”