I recently watched an eye-opening presentation by Rollo Tomassi. I’m adding this to my “things to teach my son” list.
You may have read some of Rollo’s writing on hypergamy and female hormone cycles, but he covers it in more depth here. It’s worth watching.
As I was watching this, it became apparent to me that women are not nearly as complicated as we’re led to believe. It’s just that the truth about women is suppressed and women are very different than men.
The big takeaway is this:
Women are cyclical and they have alternating cycles.
When we think of a man, we think of him in terms of his mission. What’s he trying to accomplish? Can he help me solve my problem? Can I help him solve his?
If you understand a man’s mission, you understand what he truly wants.
But if you try to handle a woman the same way as a man, it won’t work. Because what a woman truly wants is largely determined by her hormone cycles and sexual instincts (i.e. hypergamy.)
What she wants today won’t be the same thing she wants two weeks from now.
And she’ll get mad at you if you can’t figure this out.
But she’ll also get mad at you if you try to figure it out (i.e. studying the red pill.)
Confused yet? 🙂
Well, it’s not too complicated if you understand just one simple thing:
A woman’s biology was designed for making babies.
Even if she’s not consciously trying to make a baby now, her body is still rehearsing or reenacting that process of furthering the survival of her genetics.
It’s All About Survival…
Every month a woman goes through two major hormonal cycles: the follicular phase and the luteal phase. Each phase lasts two weeks.
The follicular phase is the “I need to get bred by a strong bull of a man” phase. She instinctively starts looking for masculine dominant traits that can provide her with a strong healthy baby during her brief few days of ovulation (the end of the follicular phase.)
Immediately after ovulation is the luteal phase. This is the “I need comfort and provision” phase. She might be pregnant now so she needs a man that’s going to stick around and take care of her.
So, to simplify:
Half the time, a woman wants a strong, dominant man… a survivor.
Half the time, a woman wants an understanding, comforting man… a provider.
So how can you tell what phase she’s in?
Other than directly tracking her period, here a few clues to pick up on:
If she’s nagging you and nitpicking over little things, she’s probably horny and frustrated that you’re not being more dominant.
If you just went from having great sex to wondering why she’s so worried all the sudden, she probably just ended her ovulation phase and is need of comfort.
If you have a hard time getting her in the mood, she’s probably in the comfort phase.
If she gets mad at you for messing up in the bedroom, she’s probably in the breeding phase and is frustrated by your lack of assertiveness.
If she’s getting emotional over random little things, she’s probably in the comfort phase.
If she’s dressed a little more provocative than usual, she’s asking to be bred.
If she’s really horny all the sudden and you don’t know why. Don’t ask questions. Just seize the moment!
So What’s a Man to Do With This?
Your optimal sexual strategy will depend on the hormonal phase your wife is in.
When she’s in the follicular phase, you’ll want to display your ability to survive and conquer. Practically speaking, this is when she’s going to be most attracted to the “Dark Triad” traits. I find Ivan Throne’s definitions most useful:
- Narcissism – absolute confidence in your future achievements
- Machiavellianism – the art of revealing (and concealing) your intentions
- Psychopathy – action without hesitation
In a sexual context, “narcissism” would mean having absolute confidence in your ability to satisfy a woman. (If you doubt your ability, you can learn.)
“Machiavellianism” would be the art of seduction. It won’t do you much good to just whip out your dick and tell your wife you’re ready to go. There’s a teasing process… concealing and revealing… all in the right timing.
“Psychopathy” would mean having no hesitation to take dominant action in the bedroom. A nice guy is afraid of getting too rough with a woman; he’s afraid of hurting or offending her… so he hesitates. A natural psychopath has no fear or pity so he breeds a woman like a raging bull. A trained “psychopath” can calculate risks ahead of time, ignore his fear, and take action without hesitation. (Disclaimer: don’t move too far out of her (or your) comfort zone at once. Just boldly push the edges.)
The Dark Triad Man is the man that women want to breed with. The Dark Triad Man is a survivor. He is a ruler. He can provide the quality seed that her body craves.
When She’s Not in the Mood…
When she’s in the luteal phase, the game changes.
It’s no longer about the primal “need for seed.” Now it’s about the relational and spiritual dimensions.
The rough and dominant breeding gives way to intimacy and comfort. The sexual act itself now becomes an act of comfort for her.
She kneels in the “shade” of your comforting “apple tree” to taste your fruit. You fill her up with your essence to remind her that she is yours. You remind her that the father of her children still has more to give her.
During this phase, her instincts revolve around comfort. So the sexual man must play according to this dynamic.
If she is anxious, comfort her with soft caresses.
If she is too comfortable to be aroused, create tension. Leave the house for awhile. Go work on a project. Make her wonder. Then give her validation in the bedroom.
A woman’s body instinctively knows that she needs the “alpha seed” in the next cycle. So a very light “dread game” will be effective in this phase. She may not feel horny, but her need for validation and comfort will drive her back to the bedroom. She doesn’t want to lose her man.
The difficult part for most men today is developing the alpha or “dark triad” traits. But without the alpha, the cycle is broken. There is no dance of dominance and comfort. There is only frustration and apologies. Or worse: cheating and lying.
But one of the most loving things a man can do for a woman today is to become hardened. Be more aggressive, less apologetic, less prone to pity. Even if your wife (and all of society) say otherwise.
If you need a good place to start, I recommend this: