Re: Secret Thoughts of a Desperate Housewife

The other week I wrote a post summarizing some of the common sex questions Christian wives are privately asking online.

Most of the questions centered around issues of guilt. I thought it’d be fun/useful/provocative to give my answers to each of the questions.

Q: Is using birth control and condoms inside of marriage a sin?

A: No. Do not add to the word of God. “Be fruitful and multiply” does not mean have as many children as you can as fast as humanly possible.

Exception: some forms of birth control destroy life after conception. Sometimes it is difficult to assess the effects of a birth control. Condoms are probably the safest bet in terms of conscience.

Q: Is masturbation a sin?

A: No. Do not add to the word of God.

Q: Is it a sin to have an erotic dream involving another man?

A: No. Do not add to the word of God.

Q: I can’t enjoy sex…

A: Ask her what she is thinking about while she is having sex. Get specifics.

Q: Is it a sin to have sexual thoughts about someone other than my husband?

A: No. Do not add to the word of God.

Exception: It is a sin to covet a man other than your husband. But this is different than fleeting sexual thoughts.

Q: Is it a sin to enjoy reading erotica?

A: No. Otherwise you couldn’t enjoy the Song of Songs.

Q: How can I deal with lusting after hot guys?

A: The modern concept of lust is different from the biblical concept of lust. She is probably just noticing physical features that women instinctively find attractive. But if it truly is sinful lust, the solution is simple: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

Q: I feel guilty because I privately fantasize about being raped…

A: “Rape” is modern term used to shame both men and women for natural sexual instincts. It is not wrong to have sexual fantasies about being roughly taken by a man. Do not add to the word of God.

Q: Need prayer to heal from the past…

A: Pray. But don’t allow her to continue to identify as a victim. There is (probably) nothing wrong with her physically. It’s all in her head. Help her to focus on positive aspects of sex (like the Song of Songs) rather than negative (like being a sexual abuse victim.)

Q: I have issues with attraction and fantasies towards women…

A: The Bible never condemns women for finding other women sexually attractive. The Song of Songs even encourages it (Song 6:13).

 

And Now a Word from Disney…

Given my apparent theme lately of Satanic deception and sexual suppression, it seemed fitting to wrap the week up with a lesson from Disney.

The other week, there was some discussion in the manosphere over the Satanic nature of the song “Let It Go” from Frozen.

I would agree that the lyrics are Satanic (at least when they stand alone). But the lyrics also provide a perfect perspective on the inner thoughts of a woman as she is being deceived.

So let’s consider the following lyrics and try to become “wise as serpents” in our dealing with our wives and daughters:

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation,
and it looks like I’m the Queen
She feels like her responsibility is forcing her to be isolated from relationships with others. Like any girl, she is curious about the world and wants adventure. But she feels trapped.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in;
Heaven knows I’ve tried
Her inner (sexual?) passions are too much to contain. She feels that she can’t “keep it in.”
Don’t let them in,
don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Being “good” and her inner passions are placed at odds with each other. She now feels like she is “bad” and cannot let loved ones get too close to her. Being “good” becomes a heavy burden.
Conceal, don’t feel,
don’t let them know
It is her passions that make her “bad.” The message she perceives is that she must conceal these passions. Don’t let anyone know how bad she is.
Well now they know
Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
After having her epiphany that her passion is too much of a burden to hold in, she finds a new sense of liberation in letting it go.
Turn away and slam the door
I don’t care
what they’re going to say
Now that’s she’s made her decision to “let it go”, she reaffirms her decision by burning her bridges. They don’t understand. She doesn’t need them.
Let the storm rage on.
Her conclusive cry of “liberation.”
The cold never bothered me anyway
Sure, there’s a down side, but it’s not that bad…
It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all
She is uncertain about her decision so she needs further justification. Compared living in fear as a “good girl”, this new liberated lifestyle is clearly better for her.
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me,
I’m free!
With the shackles removed, she can finally explore the limits of her passion. No more rules! That means she’s free, right?
Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You’ll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I’ll stay
Let the storm rage on

She’s a grown up now. She’s has understanding now of things she was never allowed to previously explored. She boldly declares “here I’ll stay.”

Suppression is the necessary condition for deception. Women always want to feel like they’re being liberated from an oppressor.

Don’t allow God’s Word to become that oppressor she secretly craves to be liberated from.

Frame is everything.

6 Red Pill Questions for Serious Christians

Over at the Red Pill Christians subreddit, I came across an interesting set of questions posted by the user “Red-Curious.”

Other than my own blog and Sigma Frame, I don’t know of any other blogs that are trying to develop practical frameworks for married Christian men to use in light of red pill truths.

Dalrock and company have some good insights. But their specialty tends to be calling out feminism in the church rather than providing usable strategies for awakened men.

So the church is woefully lacking resources to help married men who have recognized and accepted the true nature of women.

But if we were to start a larger conversation, I think these questions would be a good place to start. (I’ve given my own opinions as a response.)

1. How can you reconcile the message of Christ with Red Pill Praxeology? What about Married Red Pill? Does the message of Paul and Peter change the picture?

The Red Pill is simply re-awakening us to biological truths that are suggested at the beginning of Genesis. Christ’s message was about a new kingdom, not a new biological imperative, so there is no conflict. But the marriage teachings of Peter and Paul do change the frame of red pill truths. Men are expected to take responsibility for their wives just as Christ takes responsibility for the church.

2. Why are Christians such bloop caricatures? How did we go from Warrior Knights of the Cross to this mess of de-testosteronized “men” in the church today?

My best understanding is that this is due to the cultural forces that contributed to the Nice Guy Syndrome. Men have been conditioned for several generations to seek approval from women and view traditional masculine qualities as “toxic.” This message is further reinforced in the church by the “sacrificial love” rhetoric. Nice Guys believe that if they do the right things and sacrifice more, they will get what they need. “Sacrificial love” is changed to mean doing what the wife wants… which only makes marriages worse. On top of that, most Christian men are pre-occupied with the so-called “battle of lust,” thus ensuring they will remain in perpetual state of feeling guilty over their sexual instincts and believing they are a “sinner” unfit for any significant duty in God’s kingdom.

3. Do you agree with Dalrock that feminism has invaded the churches and that more and more apostate Christians are replacing the worship of the Lord Jesus with Vagina worship?

Yes.

4. What Christian denominations have been able to hold back this feminist onslaught and why?

None that I’m aware of. Though my experience is limited to Pentecostal and Reformed denominations. Pentecostals seem to be more blatantly egalitarian. Reformed churches seem to give lip service to the abstract concepts of headship and submission. But they ignore the gritty details of the problems and fail to provide any workable advice to men dealing with the effects of feminism.

5. Can a Christian man use Dread Game with a disobedient wife?

Yes. Dread Game is about arousing a woman’s jealousy in order to reform her behavior. We learn in Romans 11 that God brought in the Gentiles in order to make the unrepentant Jews jealous. So provoking a disobedient wife to jealousy is (literally) a godly thing to do.

6. Who agrees with me that we can fix this for the next generation if we bring back the authority of a man over his family, including his wife, and children? Can we? Should we?

Agreed. First, we must attempt to do so through teaching and rhetoric. If that doesn’t work, we simply wait for our civilization to crumble so we can rebuild. Build your own household on the rock so that it does not crumble when the storm comes.

How to Personality Type Your Wife with 4 Questions

I’m a big nerd for personality psychology.

The best teacher I’ve found on applying personality psychology to the real world is Stefanie Arroyo. She teaches how many people mis-type themselves when they take the online Myers-Briggs tests. Instead, you’ve got to assess a person yourself based on their behavior.

I adapted these 4 simple questions from her teaching. Use them to discover what kind of woman you have on your hands.

Question #1:

Does she enjoy bantering with strangers? (e.g. Uber drivers, new people at church, cashiers at the store, etc.)

Extroverts (E) are naturally drawn to and energized by meeting new people. Introverts (I) only talk to new people if they have a specific reason to.

Question #2:

Is she more of a “head-in-the-clouds” person or “down-to-earth” person?

Intuitive (N) people live in a world of imagination and ideas and tend to miss practical details. Sensing (S) people are practical and detail-oriented and tend to miss the big picture. (About 3 out 4 women are “Sensing”)

Question #3:

Does she talk about what she “thinks” or what she “feels”?

Thinkers (T) are primarily concerned with truth and falsehood and justify their opinions through logic. Feelers (F) are primarily concerned with harmony and justify their opinions based on how it makes themselves and others feel. (About 2 out of 3 women are “Feelers”).

Question #4:

Does she (consistently) follow a meal plan and recipes when preparing dinner… or does she improvise and throw things together?

Judgers (J) use schedules and todo lists and think in terms of tasks – what needs to get done? Perceivers (P) improvise and think in terms of opportunities – what could I do now?

Personality types are a large part of what creates the unique pleasures and challenges in a marriage.

I’m an INTP and my wife is an ESFP. To put it in archetype terms, my marriage is like an absent-minded professor married to an in-the-moment entertainer.

So my marriage challenges may be very different then, say, a practical-minded man married to an idealist woman.

Yes, there are universal attributes shared by all women. But for the specific applications, it often comes down to individual personalities.

Once you’ve typed your wife, I recommend checking the description here:

https://www.16personalities.com/personality-types

If the description mostly fits, study the strengths and weaknesses and what makes that personality tick. It may save you a lot of trouble.

 

The Joyful Woman

The other day, I met one of the most joyful women I’ve ever met.

I went to the post office to ship out some packages. The lady behind the desk was probably in her mid-forties.

She had a big smile. Told me how much she loved Christmas. She didn’t complain that I had a pain-in-the-butt mailing job. She seemed to genuinely enjoy her work. She was simply happy to be alive.

Her pure sense of joy made her look like a genuinely beautiful woman. It’s such a rare thing to see nowadays.

Now, as a 27-year old man, it’s difficult to for me to assess the sexual attractiveness of a middle-age woman. It’s just not on my radar.

But I thought if my wife had that kind of joy when we became old, I don’t think it would matter so much that her body ages and loses some of it’s surface-level beauty. I would still be a happy man.

It reminded me of the following well-known verse:

Your adornment must not be merely external– braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.

-1 Peter 3:3-4

As husbands, we should cultivate this inner beauty in our wives. This doesn’t mean to quit being “shallow” and imagine she has inner beauty that isn’t really there. It means that you shape her inner character to your liking.

To put it another way:

Having a wife who wants to be pleasant and dress sexy for you is far more valuable than a wife who simply looks sexy.

This is how a husband loves his wife. This is how a woman finds inner peace and happiness. This is what is precious in the sight of God.