Americans have become so anxious that a new industry is emerging: “anxiety consumerism.”
Fidget spinners, weighted blankets, adult coloring books, aromatherapy, essential oils, etc.
Nothing wrong with these products per se. Entrepreneurship is all about finding what people want and giving it to them. But the fact that this even exists as a viable business opportunity is telling of our culture.
Some of the reasons the “talking heads” have come up with include:
- Donald Trump
- climate change
- the recession
- social media
- student debt
- the 24-hour news cycle
- the economy
- living farther from family
- toxins in your gut
- too many choices
- too little sleep
- too little sex
Those all may be plausible. But I think the media is unwilling/unable to admit the root cause:
The loss of masculine virtues.
We are facing a time of great change. People want to rely on institutions to direct us: school, media, church.
But these institutions are unable to provide meaningful answers in a chaotic world. The success of these institutions has largely depended on resisting change rather than embracing it.
School does not teach us how to navigate life. It teaches us how to follow orders. But what happens when the rewards for compliance disappear?
The mainstream media does not help us find meaning in life. It tells us what to be afraid of and what to buy.
Church does not answer people’s most personal questions. It tells us what questions to ask and then gives the answer.
And so it is that each individual is left to navigate a world of chaos on their own.
The ones who will survive and thrive?
Men with courage to face uncertainty and risk.
Men with strength to endure difficult times.
Men with skill who can navigate life on their own.
And the women and children who are joined with such a man.
Introverted intuition is a function that is often described as hard to explain, due to its highly inward and intangible nature. The introverted intuition type has the ability to ‘thread’ multiple sources of phenomena into a certain view or vision. This is contrary to its opposite, extraverted sensation, which sees things as they comes and in a very concrete manner. The lack of this extraverted sensation can often make the Ni type a very dogged character, ignoring what is apparent and focusing on their synthesised worldview.
My wife is primarily extroverted sensing. I’m introverted intuition.
I’m so future-focused that I typically have little concern for what I perceive to be small speed bumps on the way to a larger vision.
My wife lives in the moment. What’s happening now?
I’m rarely able to explain to her what I’m doing or why I’m doing it. My thought process synthesizes multiple ideas and is evolving on a daily basis.
On the surface, I appear like I’m constantly changing my mind or perhaps have no idea what I’m doing. But inside my head, my goals and strategies are clear.
The challenge for me is remembering to show my wife tangible resources and tools to solve immediate needs. Even if I think the problems are superfluous, taking time to alleviate her fears is important.
During my “blue pill” days, I used to apologize a lot for my lack of results, get frustrated, and even give into self-pity. That’s also about the time we started having some serious marriage problems.
Nowadays, I just repeatedly tell her that I know what I’m doing and that my work will pay off soon. I listen to her share her concerns and acknowledge that they are justifiable feelings.
Like clockwork, I get a “shit test” about finances every month. And also like clockwork, she stops hassling me after about a 30 minute test.
Understanding both the nature of women and personality psychology is a helpful tool to having a peaceful marriage.
Hello everyone. I’m still alive. And I’m still on my hiatus.
I have a final difficult push to get my “financial freedom” business off the ground. So I need total focus. This is probably the closest thing a man can experience to giving birth to a baby (thankfully.)
Anyhow, I’m taking a break this evening and I’ve had some thoughts that have been percolating through the murky recesses of my subconscious that I wanted to make note of here.
Namely, there was a problem I had been thinking about but never quite reached a conclusion:
What is the real problem with pornography?
(You can find my earlier posts on this topic somewhere in the archives. I’m too lazy to link to them right now.)
On the one hand, I think it’s clear that the church misdiagnosis the problem and uses it as a tool to guilt-manipulate sex-starved men. I’ve written about this earlier so I won’t go into details here.
But, I’m not going to come out and say “pornography is just fine and dandy. Go hog-wild boys!” Intuitively, I know there’s something wrong with it.
An idea was triggered when I read an email today from A.J.A. Cortes (who I highly recommend following… even if you don’t normally subscribe to email lists).
The title of the email was “We covet what we see, and what you covet is not Real.” It was a lengthy email, but here are a few excerpts [emphasis mine]:
I grew up in the 1990s, before social media took over. When I was growing up, the hottest girl you knew was whoever was the hottest girl in your class/grade/school was.
Maybe you lusted after a female celebrity, but your beauty norms were shaped by who you saw in person.
Obviously that has changed. We all posses the means now to view an infinite number of hot bodies on our smart phones. The commodification of beauty and the body has spawned a massive, massive industry.
Beauty has always been prized, beauty and glamor are persuasive, that is beyond question.
That said, when you are so inundated with beauty, glamor, appearance, you lose your perceptual underpinnings of what is REAL, and what is artificial.
He then addresses the incel/beta problem:
[The incel movement is] representative of a world in which a generation of damaged men have been raised indoctrinated by femininity, pushed into false vulnerability, made subservient to their feelings, and as a result they are truly beta, and helpless with women. Add in being skinny fat, being made to feel guilty for being a man, and raised to put women on a pedestal, and you’ll end up with some truly deranged individuals (its not accident that around 90% of school shooters are all raised by single mothers)
Modern femininity has cruelly and ironically created the very thing it set out to destroy; men that hate women, and don’t understand them (A woman can never raise a Man to be a Man)
I WOULD call that toxic masculinity.
And its made worse by young men scrolling through 10,000 IG skanqs. It traps their maturity into being perpetual betas looking at fake bodies, and probably pornography as well
The problem is not that men like to look at nude women. People have been depicting and looking at artful depictions naked women for a looooong time. (Yet the Scriptures are mysteriously silent on this “sin.”)
The problem is overexposure to glamour.
I define art as taking something ordinary and making it extraordinary. Art highlights the beauty or emotional power of an object or experience by re-framing it in a way that makes it seem new again.
Or, to bring it closer to home:
The first glamorous image of a naked woman you saw was thrilling. The 1,000th image you saw was “normal.”
The first time you watched sex from a third person perspective was intriguing. The 1,000th time you’re just trying to find a video with enough novelty to get excited enough to cum.
The problem with pornography is that it doesn’t offer any new perspectives on the beauty of sex or women. It only normalizes what was once (perhaps) an intriguing frame. Glamour becomes the expectation rather than the rare delight.
Even “Perfect 10s” don’t look as glamorous moment-to-moment as they do in their one-in-a-thousand perfect photographs.
As Cortes has pointed out, glamour has become a commodity. It’s no longer special.
So what’s the solution?
Well, here’s how NOT to solve the problem.
Don’t go around vilifying men for looking at porn. Let’s not be naive about this: porn exists in such abundance because it’s fulfilling an unmet need.
Men (and women) are hardwired to seek out the mystery that is sex.
I don’t think it takes a genius to figure out that if appreciation for truly artistic expressions of sex, such as the Song of Solomon, are not cultivated, then people will settle for the next best thing.
People will continue to consume tasteless porn for the same reason people continue to consume junk food: they are unaware of how sick they are; they just know they need to continue eating something. And they’re probably just too damn lazy to do anything about it on their own.
Of course, to make this analogy fitting for the present-day religious climate, you’d have to say it’s like telling people that eating is bad by pointing out the poor nutritional content of their diet. Then you ban all production of nutritious food and tell people if they don’t get over their “hunger problem” that they’ll be justly burned in hell forever. Then, as a solution, you offer a path of grace that says you’ll be forgiven for being hungry and eating such terrible food. But you really should stop eating… as evidence that you’re truly forgiven.
Peace out for now.
I’m taking a brief hiatus from my blog.
I’m going into “monk mode” for a while to knock out a mission critical project that is unrelated to this blog. Philosophizing about sex would be a distraction.
I intend to return though. Probably in 2-3 weeks or so.
My blog theme is going to expire soon. I suspect my blog will revert to some kind of generic design when it does. Or something wonky will happen, who knows? I’ll fix it when I return.
If you want to be sure you get alerted when I post again, follow me on WordPress or add my blog to your RSS reader.
Peace out (for now.)
At the end of the week, the premium WordPress theme I’ve been using is scheduled to expire and I don’t intend on renewing it.
I like the design fine, but I don’t like the back end. It was pitched as a drag-and-drop editor but the code is so bloated I have a hard time figuring out how to customize anything. Even after spending several months learning basic web development, I still haven’t figured out how to change the font sizes on the mobile layout.
Anyhow, I’ll be switching to a new theme soon.
If there’s any bloggers reading who are interested, the theme I am using now is from Elegant Themes. The theme I’ll be switching to is GeneratePress.
So expect to see some wonkiness going down if you visit my site this week.
If all goes well, I’ll remember to set up the new theme before my current one expires.
If not, expect all hell to break loose… visually at least.
Since this blog is about sex, and sex is a physical activity, I feel I owe it to my readers to at least briefly touch upon nutrition.
The best book I’ve ever read on nutrition is Deep Nutrition by Catherine Shanahan. It’s got a lot of fascinating stuff on epigenetics (i.e. modifying the expression of your genes). Sadly, most of us our not reaching our genetic potential due to the poor nutrition of the modern diet.
Or, to put it more bluntly, we’re all a lot dumber and uglier than we should be.
The problem I’ve always had with health advice is that there’s always some new thing to be worried about or some new fad to try. What I liked about Shanahan’s book is it teaches you the simple fundamentals of health so you are equipped to judge for yourself.
If you just want the “bottom line” of eating healthy, it’s this:
- AVOID vegetable oils
- MINIMIZE sugar
- Meat on the bone (gently cooked) or bone broth
- Fresh animal or plant products
- Sprouted or fermented foods
- Organ meats
That’s all you have to worry about. If you have a healthy gut you don’t need to freak out about all the toxins and food sensitivities all the hipsters are freaking out about.
Also, eating healthy doesn’t mean eating food that doesn’t taste good. Here’s the breakfast I’ve been making for myself every morning that conforms to the standards of a nutritious diet:
- 2 pieces of sprouted grain bread, lightly toasted, topped with a generous helping of grass-fed butter and
- 2 farm fresh eggs, sunny side up, topped with fresh herbs
- 3 fresh strawberries
Prep time is minimal. The longest part of the process is waiting for the stove to heat up.
And, if you need help remembering not to eat vegetable oil or sugar, just think of this:
When vegetable oil enters your body, it oxidizes and acts like an explosive inside your body, damaging your brain and other organs and (for many) winds up resulting in heart attacks or strokes.
Vegetable oil also causes a man to produce low quality sperm.
And when (excessive) sugar enters your bloodstream, it crystallizes and gets “stuck” in your veins. The resulting blockage makes it difficult for men to “get it up.”
DISCLAIMER: I’m not a doctor. I’m just an ordinary guy who read a book by a doctor. So don’t take this as medical advice. Do your own research, talk to your doctor, yadda yadda yadda
When I was a toddler, all I wanted my mother to read me was dictionaries and encyclopedias.
My poor mother tried in vain to get me to listen to stories, but I had no interest. (It wasn’t until she read me Winnie-the-Pooh that I developed any interest in fiction.)
While I can say today that I’ve since expanded my horizons and read other forms of literature, I’ve never lost interest in dictionaries.
Words have meanings and those meanings are determined by usage. Dictionaries simply tell you how a word is commonly used.
So why would this matter?
It’s because we live in an evil world. And people who want to harm you are rarely going to do so through brute force. They’re going to do it through propaganda… through words.
It really surprises me how few people understand how deceptive propaganda works. I would guess most people are cynical enough to believe that institutions are lying to them, but they don’t even realize all the lies they believe. Knowing that people are liars doesn’t make you any less susceptible for falling for a specific lie.
A skilled liar will not give you blatantly false information. Instead, he’s going to change the meaning of key word without telling you and then make a solid argument on top of the dubious meaning.
A great example is one that Vox Day talks about:
Atheists will argue that there is no “evidence” for God. But this is bullshit. There is tons of evidence for God. If you look up “evidence” in a dictionary, it simply means “an outward sign” or something like that. There was a Babylon Bee headline a while back that read “Local Atheist Demands Evidence for God, Besides Entire Universe.” That about sums it up.
What atheists won’t tell you is that they are using the term “evidence” in an uncommon way. They are referring specifically to scientific evidence. But it’s a stupid argument argument because one can’t use the scientific method on metaphysical realities.
Anyhow, this is just one example how Christians who don’t pay attention to key terms get bullied and duped by intellectual frauds. It happens all the time and the church is the worst place where it happens.
Some think it’s petty to bring up dictionary definitions in an argument. But the dictionary is very often the most powerful tool for exposing the root of the deception.
It’s perfectly fine to use words in uncommon ways, so long as one is upfront about it or the audience understands the jargon.
But charlatans are never upfront about their terms. They love to take advantage of ambiguity. They love to say one thing and let the listener think something different.
This is why I intend to continue in my dictionary obsession.
Reader Wayne offers an explanation of the watered-down truths that are now leaking into the mainstream:
I think this [watering down] is because, when addressing a general audience, the bitterness of the medicine cannot be accepted by many female readers and old school white knights, so they feel the need to tone it down.
Wayne has a good point here. In any general audience, only a small fraction of that audience will have the fortitude to acknowledge the reality of sexual dynamics. Here’s my sweeping generalization on how it breaks down:
Boomer men are too moralistic and set in their ways to change their view.
Boomer women are too drunk and delusional from the bitter fruits of feminism to give useful advice to young women.
Gen X men might accept the red pill, but are too bitter about their life choices to get much benefit from it.
Gen X women are too busy spinning their rationalization hamster about how they still have plenty of time to do _____.
Millennial men are hopelessly soyed-over and indoctrinated with “toxic masculinity” propaganda (though there are pockets of hope in the male self-improvement sphere).
Millennial women are either too overweight, unhealthy, mentally unstable, etc. to be considered suitable for mating or else they are enjoying the unlimited no-obligation attention offered to them by newfangled social media.
I see four potential groups of Christians who might be receptive to red pill truths:
- Married men who had an alpha frame before marriage but lost it
- Men who are already practicing self-improvement
- Women who are married to an alpha male
- Generation Z who gets to witness the effects of three generations of stupidity
Within any general audience of Christians, these groups will only make up a tiny percentage. The red pill is simply not designed for a mainstream audience.
On the other hand, people will read things online that they would never dare to discuss in real life. So you never know how many “unplugged” men and women are walking about on the streets of your home town.
The fact that mainstream sources are attempting to co-opt red pill truths for their own agenda is telling. It means they see it as a threat.
But, by and large, I think most Christians are too pussified to accept the red pill. Women because, well, they literally do have a pussy. And men because they’ve been trained from their childhood to think and act like women.
But we would do well to apply the Apostle Paul’s admonition to the Corinthians to this age:
Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
I found an unexpected nugget of wisdom while reading a parenting blog by Roslyn Ross.
The post is about the danger of thinking of parenting as a job rather than a relationship. But she also inadvertently hit upon the masculinity problem faced by many husbands today:
To illustrate why it’s so unhealthy to turn a relationship into a job, imagine a new husband takes on the job of being a Good Husband. He starts doing all these things he doesn’t really want to do–mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, reading to the kids, helping his wife with the dishes, he gets the highest paying job he can and works his tail off, and at first he’s patting himself on the back going, “I am such a good boy” but after a while he starts to feel like being a good husband is a huge obligation, a chore, a long list of things to do. It’s not fun anymore. And he’s starting to resent his wife and see her as this kind of slave driver.
The reason being a Good Boy is so unfulfilling is that he’s following a pre-written “script.” He’s not learning or discovering or growing and without growth there is no life.
The other reason it’s so unhealthy is who wrote the script. It wasn’t the husband.
The concept of the “Good Husband” is nothing but coercion… both to yourself (because someone else said you had to do it) and to your family (because you expect them to give you something in return.) The harder you try to do the right things, the less your wife will respect you and the more you’ll resent both her and yourself.
Instead, take the lead by deciding for yourself how you want to live. Take charge of your learning and growth. Don’t follow someone else’s script.
A woman is a follower by nature. She will follow and submit to a man who takes charge of his own life.
I recently dropped an obnoxious question over at the Red Pill Christian reddit. This is what I asked:
What is the problem with porn?
Since most Christians regard pornography as sinful, where do we draw the line?
Song of Solomon => Erotic Poetry => Erotic Stories => Nude Paintings => Paintings of Sexual Acts => Video Animation of Sexual Acts => Photos of Nude Women => Photos of Sexual Acts => Videos of Sexual Acts.
More importantly than WHERE you draw the line. WHY do you draw the line there?
Please use biblical principles and logic to justify your answer.
The post received almost 500 views and got 31 comments. If you got time to kill, it’s worth checking out.
Otherwise, I’ll summarize the responses below. And, since this is my own blog, I will gleefully exercise my sovereign right make a final judgment on every argument.
1. There is no biblical scripture against porn because it wasn’t around back then. But the bible does tell us to “flee sexual immorality” so this would apply to porn.
Actually, porn has been around for a LONG time. Just as junior boys instinctively cover every bathroom stall with crude etchings of penises and tits, so have artists been graphically depicting sex since ancient times. The only thing that has significantly changed since biblical times is the quantity of images available and the resolution.
And, by definition, “sexual immorality” does not automatically refer to porn. It refers to engaging in prostitution and promiscuous sex.
2. The Bible tells us to abstain from “the appearance of evil” (1 Thess 5:21)
This is worth further investigation. At minimum, it can apply as an exhortation to avoid any pornography that portrays unlawful sexual acts (e.g. bestiality, homosexuality, etc.). Though sex itself is not evil so I don’t find it plausible that all “appearances” of sex would be evil. But a further point worth investigating is the fact that a lot of visual porn is produced in a sexually immoral context so technically, you are viewing a picture of a sinful act. But there would be no way to know this from the image alone…
3. Arguably, using sexually explicit material in a marriage is fine if it’s building unity. But it’s best to avoid it altogether when single.
This makes sense to me. Often times, it is helpful to see a graphic depiction of a sexual act for instructional purposes. The next question is, what about inspirational purposes?
Avoiding sexually explicit material altogether when single sounds nice in theory, but is that really practical advice when one lives in a culture saturated with sexual imagery?
4. Isn’t it clear that looking at porn is lusting for a woman other than your wife?
Not when “lust” is properly understood in the Greek. The English word “lust” means to have a very strong sexual desire for someone. The problem is that the English word doesn’t convey the same precision as the Greek word epithumeo. Lust in the English sense is certainly part of epithumeo, but it’s not necessarily the same thing. In order for “lust” to qualify as epithumeo, the desire must also include (1) an intensifying focus, (2) an intense emotion that borders on rage, and (3) a longing to have sex with or possess the woman of focus. In colloquial terms, we might say that biblical lust is the same as being “madly in love” with a woman who belongs to another man.
Now imagine you were the judge of a case where a young man was accused of evil intent. The evidence? He was caught ogling over his friend’s wife’s cleavage as she bent over. You talk to the young man and find he seems to be a “normal” guy. He shows no signs of mental unstableness. He works a steady job. He’s seems to be a genuinely “nice guy.” You find no evidence that the young man is stalking the wife or is obsessed with her in any way. Turns out he’s just got a thing for big tits. Would you condemn that man for adultery? Would you ask the husband if he would like you to put him to death? No! You’d have a good chuckle, pat him on the back and say, “Look man, you got to be more discreet about that stuff. You’re gonna have a hard time getting a good woman if all you can do is stare at her tits with your mouth open.”
The man who spends his time jerking off to porn is not an adulterer. He’s just the dumbass friend who can’t get laid because he just stares at the girl’s chest instead of talking to her.
5. Song of Solomon was basically 50 Shades of Grey for women back in the day and that was considered “holy.” So why not mainstream visual porn today?
I think Song of Solomon has a lot more wisdom that 50 Shades of Gray. But I don’t have a problem with the logic of the question. I think the distinction is not so much an ethical distinction as a qualitative distinction. Once you delve into Song of Solomon and start to understand female desire, you’ll realize that the mainstream porn just makes you sexually retarded. How is watching yet another variation of “Busty Blonde Gets Pounded” really gonna help you?
Dig into the Scripture’s erotica. Study the female psyche. Learn to make up sexual fantasies.
The key to getting laid is leveraging female desire in your favor.