Biblical Counseling Falls to the Feminist Narrative

I was saddened,, though admittedly not surprised, to see the following article published on the CCEF (Christian Counseling and Education Foundation) blog:

Sexual Abuse in Marriage

The title alone should be a red flag to those with an advanced understanding of the red pill.

I was saddened because the (now deceased) founder of the institute, Jay Adams, did a lot of great work for the Church. He was the pioneering voice that helped spark a revival of biblical counseling at a time when people assumed the Bible had no relevance to people’s personal problems.

One of the key ways that Satan infiltrated the Church in modern times was to trick pastors into believing that mental and emotional problems were best handled by “qualified” secular psychiatrists. This meant that pastors could provide abstract “spiritual” guidance, but practical problems were best left to outsiders. Apparently the Enemy was fine with leaving the church to teach theology and share inspirational Bible stories… so long as he had influence over the practical matters like sex, relationships, abuse, anxiety, finances, and all the other personal problems.

But Jay Adams boldly stood against all this nonsense back in the 1960s. The Lord blessed his work and it turned into a movement.

And now feminism is ruining it.

I’ve provided a commentary below on some relevant excerpts for those who are interested. This is how today’s Biblical Counselors, who genunely want to help people change by applying God’s Word, are going to be taught to deal with marriages. [Emphasis mine.]

Though the recent #metoo movement has revealed the prevalence with which people are violated sexually, my heart remains heavy for wives who are victims of marital sexual abuse. Their stories remain untold, and I am concerned that many pastors and counselors are unaware of its occurrence. I hear many stories (too many stories) of women being abused, violated or even raped by their husbands.

“Abuse” is a vague concept. What’s going on in these “many stories”? Is he punching her in the face? Pulling a gun on her? Keeping her in a cage? Given the timidness of most Christian men today, I find this doubtful. Also, a husband cannot “violate” or “rape” his own wife. Here’s the common definition of rape:

1. unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person’s will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception — compare sexual assaultstatutory rape
2an outrageous violation
3an act or instance of robbing or despoiling or carrying away a person by force
Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure that having sex with your wife is (1) lawful, (2) doesn’t qualify as an “outrageous” violation, and (3) doesn’t involve stealing your wife away from her home.

Sexual abuse in marriage occurs when husbands make demands on their wives that are not based on love .¹ These demands for sex are not sanctioned by 1 Corinthians 7:3-5,² though the passage is often used as a goad to require a wife’s compliance. To be clear, the men who do this are troubled themselves. They usually have deep-seated problems including a weak or non-existent relationship with God and an inflated sense of entitlement. They believe that other people (including their wives) exist for them—for their comfort and to meet their needs, including sexual ones. When their wives fail to respond as desired, it often results in a pattern of coercive and punishing behaviors designed to force their compliance.³

Having sex with your wife is part of love (Ex 21:10), so this reasoning doesn’t make any sense. And wives do, in fact, exist to help her husband, including meeting his sexual needs (Gen 2). And if your wife has some repressed submissive desires, establishing “a pattern of coercive and punishing behaviors designed to force [her] compliance” might actually be the best thing you can try for your marriage.

The author then lists some examples that are indeed unloving, or at least are stupid strategies for getting sex with a woman. But judging by the dishonest start to the article, I doubt these scenarios are as common as she’d like us to believe.

Marriage does not equal consent. It does not obligate spouses to participate in any sexual act at any time. But devastatingly, many Christian women have come to believe that sex-on-demand is their “wifely duty.”

Actually, this is exactly what the Scriptures do NOT say (1 Cor 7:5).

Those suffering from these distorted, abusive demands should not be left questioning what God says about such evils. The Apostle Paul speaks clearly here. “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming” (Col. 3:5-6). Paul is calling on us to eradicate all sexual sin that stands against our identity in Christ—any sexual impurity. He is not setting a low bar here and saying “just don’t cheat on your spouses.” He is saying: Wipe out all sexual covetousness—all your greedy taking—for all sexual impurities deserve the wrath of God.

The author claims to have a “Master of Divinity” degree from Westminister Theological Seminary. But apparently they don’t cover reading comprehension in that program or how to use a Greek lexicon or concordance.

  • sexual immorality (porneia): a “selling off” of one’s body (as in prostitution and other promiscuous sex)
  • impurity (akathartos): being not pure because of a mixture; being adulterated with a “wrong mix” and hence unclean (such as keeping company with sexually immoral people)
  • passion (pathos): raw and depraved strong feelings (implicitly, feelings that are not guided by God)
  • evil desire (epithymian kakos): a passion to do evil, rotten things
  • covetousness (pleonexia): the desire for more things; a desire for beyond what is needed; implies fraud and extortion

I have a hard time believing that any of these terms could possibly apply to “demanding” sex from your wife. The worst it could be is a poor sexual strategy executed by a sex-starved beta husband.

 

The Rise of the Incels

As if the Church wasn’t in for a big enough shock already, here’s yet another sexual movement on the rise:

The above screenshot is the estimated traffic stats (from SimilarWeb.com) for Incels.me, a discussion forum for men who have taken the “black pill.” The site’s terminology page is telling of the frustrations:

Rollo Tomassi offers some insights into the movement [emphasis mine]:

So what’s different now? Well, to start, we have a generation of lost boys who’ve been acculturated to think that even asking a girl out is a form of sexual misconduct. The Village has raised boys as if they’re defective girls, devoid of any of the masculine discipline necessary to teach these young men how to cope with real rejection from a girl, how to deal with defeat or how to come back stronger as a result. As we’ve feminized these boys so to have we embedded the same feminine victimhood narrative that women rely on into their collective psyche. Except these boys are still beholden to the old social contract that women believe incumbent upon men. This puts these boy-men into a very precarious position: they are educated like defective girls and as such adopt the same frail sensibilities and are subject to the same entitlement narrative as most women are, but they are also male and therefore are expected to suck it up, take it on the chin and carry on. They are told to express their feelings and in the next moment are told to check their male privilege.

Most of the lost boys generation are not ready for the disillusionment that the Red Pill brings to them, but it’s not the manosphere that’s opening their eyes so much as they are having it thrust in front of them by a communication age steeped in the Feminine Imperative. Today, Red Pill truths are harder and harder to get away from as Open Hypergamy and all of the unflattering truths about the female nature are triumphantly lauded by women themselves. Every swipe left on Tinder is one more confirmation of exactly the harsh truths that push Incels to their limit.

Of every article I’ve read on Incels since the Toronto killings not one author has analyzed the problem correctly, but also none have any actionable idea about how to solve the problem of Incels snapping. There are no longer the same outlets that ‘losers’ had back in my day to channel that sexual frustration to more productive ends. Many a frustrated high school boy became his generation’s iconic artist or musician. I think it’s the height of irony that Mark Zuckerberg essentially created Facebook to stalk his ex girlfriend. There are no longer the creative ways to deal with the discontent that comes from sexual rejection. Some will say to me there are, it’s just these guys are too unmotivated to apply themselves. And while that may be true, there are much easier outlets that further stunt that boys development. Rather than redirecting that sexual angst to something creative, it’s much easier to lose themselves in online porn or immersive escapisms facilitated by this age’s technology.

Or they can seek out a forum of similarly disaffected young men and commiserate about the truth of a world that has no place for them. I read that Dr. Jordan Peterson suggested that a social order based on ‘enforced monogamy’ might be a cure for Incels. I get what he was trying to say, but it’s just one more flippant redirection away from the real causes of this rise in Incels. I can remember reading a post that Roissy had made about a knife wielding man in China who had gone to a day care center to specifically kill women and children. As horrifying as that is what had prompted the guy was the understanding that he’d essentially been selected out of the reproductive game because there was a huge imbalance in the ratio of men to women in China as a result of their one-child policy for so long. Roissy went on to suggest that as more and more men are disaffected by a feminine-primary social order, one that bases all its legislation and social doctrine on optimizing Hypergamy, the men disenfranchised by it will become either more violent (in their effort or angst to reproduce) or more suicidal – which we also see in men killing themselves at 5 times the rate of women.

Incels are the canary in the coal mine that is a gynocentric social order. They are what results when a society prioritizes and incentivizes Alpha Fucks (enthusiastic consent) while Beta Bucks is more or less assured by direct and indirect resource transfer to women. When 80%+ of men are evaluated as ‘unattractive’ to women fed on a steady diet of ego inflating social media, you get Incels.

I don’t know if the world has ever faced a problem of this sort at the magnitude we’re going to experience it. But there will always be plenty of work for the righteous to do.

Be as a father unto the fatherless, and instead of an husband unto their mother: so shalt thou be as the son of the most High, and he shall love thee more than thy mother doth.
Ecclesiasticus 4:10

I’m not sure how to apply the “husband unto their mother” part, but it is obvious who the fatherless are in this generation.

The Times They Are a-Changin’ (Again)

A recent Return of Kings article introduced me to a trend I was completely unaware of:

The rise of the “sugar daddy” market.

The author, George Swanson, explains the growing popularity of this once taboo arrangement:

Today, classic dating sites are slowly but surely dying while sugar baby sites are on the rise. Not only has their user base grown tremendously over the past few years but this kind of relationship has been more and more pushed as normal into the mainstream media. Even feminists found a way to support it. Owners of these sites are speaking freely on Oprah, CNN, and others, doing what they know best, marketing their websites.

Thanks to the unbalanced sexual marketplace and declining public morals, being a sugar baby is a new way to monetize your body as a woman.

(In case you’re not familiar with the term, a “sugar daddy” is an older male who pays a much younger woman a generous sum of money to keep him “company.”)

Apparently, this arrangement is rather popular and has only just recently (i.e. in the last few years) been leaking into the mainstream conversation in a positive light. Other than social proof, Swanson touches on three reasons this trend is on the rise:

  1. Why would young sexy women continue to extract tiny financial favors from their boyfriends once they realize they could earn several thousand a month for the same service?
  2. Most men are tired of the online dating game and those that can afford it will gladly switch to sugar daddy sites
  3. Two-thirds of college students/grads with student debt are women… hence the economic incentive to join the sugar daddy lifestyle

I checked the traffic estimation on SimilarWeb for the top sugar daddy site to see if this trend was legit. He wasn’t lying:

The site gets around 7.5 million visits a month.

Now, as a Christian, I don’t recommend anyone debase themselves by poking around with whores. But I see several probable cultural changes on the horizon that we should be prepared for:

First off, age-gap relationships will become socially acceptable. Expect to see 40+ year old men openly walking about with college-age women. Once the age-gap stigma is eliminated, most women will prefer to be in a relationship with older, more successful men. The young guys who haven’t got it figured out yet will be out of luck.

Unfortunately, as is always the case, most men will never achieve success. They will have no vision. They will be failures in their careers. They will become unmotivated and depressed. Their health and appearance will decline as they age. They will congregate online to gripe about what a bad hand they’ve been dealt in life.

In all likelihood, there will be more attractive young women than successful men. The sex robots will only serve to widen this gap. Many men who could have potentially been sexually successful will opt for the easier path.

The secular dating market, with it’s loose morals, will adapt to this trend seamlessly. But the Church will face an unavoidable crisis: where have all the good men gone? This question will probably trigger at least one of three responses in the Church:

  1. The Church will realize the error of her ways, embrace red pill truths, and equip more young men to be successful and masculine
  2. There will be a revival of Christian polygamy
  3. Most attractive women will leave the Church in favor of the “sugar daddy” lifestyle. The Church will (literally) become so ugly that it fails to reproduce itself.

It’ll be interesting to see what happens and how the Church responds. These are just a few ideas. Who knows how it’ll play out?

 

Uglier Women: Coming to a Church Near You

It looks as if the sexual market crisis is finally entering into mainstream conversation. From a recently published New Yorker article:

These days, in this country, sex has become a hyper-efficient and deregulated marketplace, and, like any hyper-efficient and deregulated marketplace, it often makes people feel very bad. Our newest sex technologies, such as Tinder and Grindr, are built to carefully match people by looks above all else. Sexual value continues to accrue to abled over disabled, cis over trans, thin over fat, tall over short, white over nonwhite, rich over poor.

Since the church tends to follow suit with the mainstream media, I suspect this will be topic of open conversation soon among Christians. But since Churchians tend to adapt secular conclusions rather than thinking biblically, I expect we’ll see a re-working of the same conclusion [emphasis mine]:

It is men, not women, who have shaped the contours of the incel predicament. It is male power, not female power, that has chained all of human society to the idea that women are decorative sexual objects, and that male worth is measured by how good-looking a woman they acquire. Women—and, specifically, feminists—are the architects of the body-positivity movement, the ones who have pushed for an expansive redefinition of what we consider attractive. “Feminism, far from being Rodger’s enemy,” Srinivasan wrote, “may well be the primary force resisting the very system that made him feel—as a short, clumsy, effeminate, interracial boy—inadequate.” Women, and L.G.B.T.Q. people, are the activists trying to make sex work legal and safe, to establish alternative arrangements of power and exchange in the sexual market.

We can’t redistribute women’s bodies as if they are a natural resource; they are the bodies we live in. We can redistribute the value we apportion to one another—something that the incels demand from others but refuse to do themselves. I still think about Bette telling me, in 2013, how being lonely can make your brain feel like it’s under attack. Over the past week, I have read the incel boards looking for, and occasionally finding, proof of humanity, amid detailed fantasies of rape and murder and musings about what it would be like to assault one’s sister out of desperation. In spite of everything, women are still more willing to look for humanity in the incels than they are in us.

Churchian translation:

“Men, women are not sex objects. The gospel has set her free from such oppression. I could tell you horror stories of husbands who emotionally abuse their wives by dictating what she should eat, telling her what to wear, and shaming her for her body. The Bible tells us that the Lord judges by the contents of the heart, not outward appearances. Some of you men are still basing your worth on how your wife looks. But Christ Jesus has freed you from such superficial standards.

“And some of you young men are complaining that you can’t find a wife. But what are you doing to prepare to marry one of God’s daughters? We have plenty of fine young ladies right here in this congregation waiting for a godly man to win her hand in marriage. But many of you men won’t man up and marry the girl because your standards are too high. Listen guys, we are all flawed sinners. She’s not expecting perfection in you, neither should you expect perfection in her. I think we guys could learn something from the compassion of women.”

Of course, the young men won’t want to marry any of the “fine young ladies” because they will be objectively unattractive. And since the church will eradicate any hint of alpha qualities out of their men, expect the small number of attractive women to marry outside the church as they go about “witnessing.”

And since unattractiveness generally correlates with poor health, expect to see those prayer lists growing in proportion to the sizes of the women’s waists.

We should always show mercy, regardless of one’s life choices. But I wouldn’t be surprised if, in the coming decades, being a hero for the truth will come down to something as historically obvious as refusing to marry and reproduce with unattractive sickly women.

The Church’s Ignorance is Our Opportunity

A quick glance at the top 20 sites on the web reveals there is a major mismatch between what the church is talking about and what people think about:

I’m astonished that the church still hasn’t figured out the following basic truths about modern life:

  1. People don’t call their pastor to ask about truth or get help with personal problems. They go to Google.
  2. Social media feeds inform our reality.
  3. Most people don’t like to read.
  4. People think about sex more than any other topic.
  5. People have an unlimited appetite for entertainment.

Here are the essential 21st century skills of evangelism (in addition to understanding biblical truth):

  1. Search engine marketing*
  2. Newsjacking
  3. Infotainmnent
  4. Understanding of sexual dynamics

I doubt any church will be offering training on any of these skills, so the field is wide open for anyone who wishes to scoop up the harvest.

* For examples of websites who are using search engines to evangelize check out the following two sites:

65% of Young Americans Can’t Read Good

I always suspected the public school system was trying to make us stupid, but now we have the stats straight from the horse’s mouth:

(CNSNews.com) – Sixty-five percent of the eighth graders in American public schools in 2017 were not proficient in reading and 67 percent were not proficient in mathematics, according to the results of the National Assessment of Educational Progress test results released by the U.S. Department of Education.

Of course, judging by the inability of today’s preachers to simply read and explain a biblical text, I’d estimate the illiteracy rate is at least 65% in the seminaries.

The Government Wants Your Balls

I’ve written before how I think the government wants to do to American men the same thing they did to the American Indians.

Namely, rather than fight the man directly, they want to take the fight out of the man until he becomes a passive dependent suckling at the government’s teat. A recent Rasmussen report gives a hint of what might be coming next:

Senator Bernie Sanders is looking ahead to the 2020 presidential election with a proposed federal government program that guarantees all Americans a job with health insurance. Nearly half of voters like the idea.

Step 1: “We’ll take away all uncertainty and provide a job for you. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Step 2: “Turns out there’s no longer any productive work for you to do. How about if we just give you a monthly check?”

Step 3: “Oh, you’re feeling sexually frustrated and lonely? Here, have a sex robot. It’s on us. We take care of our boys.”

Step 4: “Here’s your voting guide for the next election. We have your best interest in mind. Don’t listen to those crazy conspiracy theorists who say that we’re evil.”

 

Here’s What Happens When You Marginalize Men

While it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone with common sense, it turns out the fruit of our feminist society is that everyone is quite lonely:

The survey of more than 20,000 U.S. adults ages 18 years and older revealed some alarming findings:

Nearly half of Americans report sometimes or always feeling alone (46 percent) or left out (47 percent).

One in four Americans (27 percent) rarely or never feel as though there are people who really understand them.

Two in five Americans sometimes or always feel that their relationships are not meaningful (43 percent) and that they are isolated from others (43 percent).

One in five people report they rarely or never feel close to people (20 percent) or feel like there are people they can talk to (18 percent).

Americans who live with others are less likely to be lonely (average loneliness score of 43.5) compared to those who live alone (46.4). However, this does not apply to single parents/guardians (average loneliness score of 48.2) – even though they live with children, they are more likely to be lonely.

Only around half of Americans (53 percent) have meaningful in-person social interactions, such as having an extended conversation with a friend or spending quality time with family, on a daily basis.

Generation Z (adults ages 18-22) is the loneliest generation and claims to be in worse health than older generations.

Social media use alone is not a predictor of loneliness; respondents defined as very heavy users of social media have a loneliness score (43.5) that is not markedly different from the score of those who never use social media (41.7).

While the survey doesn’t say this, I think it’s obvious that separating children from their fathers, preventing boys from becoming men, and conditioning women to try to live without a man might have something to do with this loneliness epidemic.

 

The Sexual Revolution 2.0 is Coming…

Blackdragon paints a picture of the sexual marketplace after the rise of sex robots:

All of a sudden, all of the things men now have to do in order to have sex with a woman will no longer be required. Looking good, making lots of money, going out on dates, screwing around at bars and clubs and on dating sites, listening to women talk for hours on end, paying for expensive dates, hookers, or sugar babies, surrendering to traditional monogamous marriage or monogamous boyfriend status (in the case of beta males at least), learning game, putting up with women’s constant demands… all of that will be… gone.

Men won’t have to do any of that stuff anymore to get sex.

Again, yes, they’ll have to do that stuff to get into a serious relationship with a human woman, but that only represents a percentage of men. I don’t know what that percentage is, but it’s well under 50%, particularly when you consider that lots of men get into a relationship primarily because it’s the only way they know how to get sex (again, beta males, which represent most men). Women hate it when I say that, but it’s factually true. (I didn’t say it was the only reason these men get into relationships, I said it’s the primary reason.)

A lot of women reading this are going to assume that’s not true, and that all men want (and put up with) dating and relationships only because they want relationships. HA! Ohhhhh boy, these women are in for a fuckin’ shock in a few years when this all happens.

The pool of men available for women to marry or date in a serious relationship is going to fall by at least 75%, perhaps even more. It’s going to be a dating bloodbath for women. Women will be horrified, shocked, angry, and confused. They’re going to try to get a boyfriend or husband, and the dating sites will be barren wastelands. The typical over age 33 woman is going to make demands of a man on or before the first or second date, and even if he’s a total beta he’ll just laugh at her, leave, and go fuck his Margot Robbie robot at home, who is far hotter than her and never makes demands of him.

The church is going to be forced to face an uncomfortable reality: Christian men marry primarily for sexual access, not “companionship.” It’s a covert motivation, but a real one nonetheless.

With sexual pleasure being outsourced to machines, Christians will be forced to face the fact that women have no intrinsic value to men. It is only when a woman submits to a man and allows herself to be moulded by him that she becomes valuable.

The church seriously needs an answer to the following question:

What is the point of a man marrying a woman?

Until we return to the picture of the man as a conquering king and the woman as a submissive aid in that conquest, I doubt young men will have any motivation to marry in the future.

Sex Robot Inventor on Marriage

Sex robot builder Dr. Sergi Santos articulates the philosophy behind the creation:

“I don’t see a problem with [getting divorced]. We are not objects, and nobody belongs to anybody. If everybody in the world divorced and got a sex doll, I wouldn’t mind. I’d say, ‘if they got what they wanted, why not?’

It’s difficult to precisely predict what will happen as a result of the sex robot trend. But one thing is certain: the church is in for a “Black Swan” event.*

Monogamy, in the current climate, is a fragile institution. The majority of men and women are unhappy and sex robots will likely be seen as a welcomed escape. (Keep in mind, there will be both female and male robots.)

The church has failed to acknowledge that women want to have sex with winners and despise losers. After decades of training men to act like losers and then convincing wives that her husband is, indeed, a loser, the church has helped create a golden opportunity for the sex robot industry.

In typical fashion, I predict that the church will continue to ignore the underlying problem. They will rail against the evils of the sex robots and double down on the “marriage is holy” rhetoric. They will especially double down on anti-male rhetoric, saying how cruel it is to women to choose sex robots. They need to “man up” and better serve their wives!

Ironically, the unintended consequences of this male bashing will be the destruction of the very institution they are desperately trying to defend. Tell men that they’re failures and sinners for long enough and they’ll eventually just give up and take the easy way out.

The only marriages that have a reasonable chance of surviving are the ones where the woman feels lucky to be married to her man. Perhaps the robot competition will help spur those emotions. Who knows…

* A “black swan” is an unpredictable or unforeseen event, typically with extreme consequences. The more confident and invested one is in the correctness of his opinion, the more devastating the effects of a black swan that proves his opinion wrong. While it’s to impossible to predict precisely what will happen, one can prepare for black swan events by identifying cultural beliefs that are held as infallible and sacred without sufficient skepticism. (For more on black swans see N.T. Taleb’s The Black Swan.)