In yesterday’s post, I presented a simple “equation” for identifying if your wife is ready for a radical change in her life:
Turbulent Personality + Undesirable Situation = Ready for Radical Change
Women are typically turbulent. Meaning, rather than being satisfied with her life or taking a steady improvement approach, she is likely deeply unsatisfied with herself. She wants to improve, but not gradually.
She wants immediate and even radical change.
As a husband, this desire for change could work out to your advantage: moving to a better location, introducing a new lifestyle, introducing something new in the bedroom, etc.
Or, it could work out to your detriment: a new “health” craze, a new career outside the home, going back to school for some useless degree, or, in extreme cases, even having an affair.
It’s all about timing.
When the opportunity is right, a turbulent personality will be ready to swing in whatever direction you (or someone else) provides a vision for.
In Eric Hoffer’s perennial seller, The True Believer, he describes the various “undesirable” situations that make someone a potential convert to a new cause. I’ve selected the most relevant ones and adapted them to a marriage context below.
Once, when I was laid off from my job. I was surprised when my wife, almost immediately upon hearing the news, suggested that we pack up and move to another state with a better job market.
Normally it’s women who have the most emotional investment in a particular location with their relationships and getting used to the culture and all that. But compared against the pain of being newly poor, she was ready to throw it all away for a new opportunity.
A sudden economic change for the worse is a prime time to move to a new location, start a new career, or any other change that has any hope of improving your economic condition. This is the “grass is greener on the other side” kind of opportunity.
Note: This is a limited window opportunity. Once someone gets used to being poor, it’s no longer an urgent problem.
There’s an old saying, “you don’t know what you got until it’s gone.”
Suddenly, all kinds of desires that lay dormant become aroused when an ability is suddenly taken away (or threatened to be lost). The man who loses his legs desires to run. The one who is losing hearing suddenly craves music. The terminally ill suddenly wants to live life on the edge.
Obviously, you would never wish this to happen to anyone, and especially your wife. Nevertheless, handicaps can create a burning desire for what one supposedly “can’t have.” If you can find a way to let her experience what all the doctors, cynics, and “sensible” people say is impossible… you’ll have a devoted convert.
The unfulfilled desire for creative work is the most permanent undesirable condition.
The nice thing about creativity is it ties in well to sexuality. Currently, I’m reading The Genius Famine with my wife. It’s a well-researched manifesto about the decline of creative intelligence in Western culture. Since intelligence and the creative personality is (mostly) genetic, it makes sense that creative people should get busy breeding and create a home environment conducive to creativity. Plus, I’m sure I can dig up some studies about how sex enhances creativity and other such interesting things.
The unfulfilled creative woman desperately wants to escape the hum-drum busyness of ordinary life and pursue her dream of doing creative work. If she believes you can make that lifestyle a reality, she’ll be up for whatever it takes to get there.
The Unusually Selfish
All of us are selfish to an extent. But women often become so selfish that it becomes too much of a burden to bear.
The more selfish she is, the more severe her disappointments will be. Disappointments add up to self-loathing and losing faith in her own ability.
What a woman in this situation craves is therapy. She believes something is wrong with her and she wants help with all the problems in her head.
But rather than go to a traditional therapist, why not do “sex therapy”?
In simple terms, sex therapy means that you figure out what she needs and tell her while she’s going down on you or while you’re aggressively providing her “conjugal rights.” For example, “you like to feel sexy, don’t you?… You need a strong hand to guide you, don’t you?… I know what women need when they get depressed… You need a new focus in your life.” etc.
The Opportunity Seeker
Opportunity seekers feel burdened by the fact that they are surrounded by opportunities but have failed to take advantage of any of them.
These people are the classic targets for “get-rich-quick” schemes. Unwilling to accept the hum-drum life of the status quo, these people will passionately throw themselves into the next “big thing.”
While being an opportunity seeker is not a healthy way to live, being a disciplined entrepreneur can be a rewarding lifestyle. If you can show her that you share her abundance mentality, you can provide her with the discipline she needs… perhaps even positioning yourself as her “coach” (a dominant-submissive relationship ripe for erotic play.)
Probably the most common undesirable situation. If your wife spends all day on social media and indicates in some way that she feels her life is “meaningless”… you have a bored wife on your hands.
Many women will intentionally create drama when they’re bored. Perhaps she’ll start a fight with you. Perhaps she’ll gossip about other people’s problems. Perhaps she’ll complain about her various emotional and mental problems.
What bored women want is simple: entertainment.
Essentially, you need to become her Facebook timeline. Her mind is a blank slate longing to be filled with interesting information. Might as well make that information serve your purpose.
Is there some news story you can show her that can lead to an important discussion? An interesting documentary to watch together? Or perhaps something intriguing (and erotic) you can purchase to make her wonder what you’re up to?
As long it’s interesting and not too crazy, you can introduce her to just about anything at this time.
I’m going to tell you an unusual story about entrepreneurs… but I promise it will tie into women and sex, so bear with me.
During my professional career, I had the privilege of spending a year or so working directly for one of America’s top entrepreneur coaches. I got to sit in on several of his high end “mastermind” groups and I have personally spoken with dozens, if not hundreds, of successful entrepreneurs… some of whom owned 7-figure businesses.
Initially, I thought it would feel intimidating being surrounded by so many successful people.
But I was surprised to find that, with few exceptions, these people were riddled with self-doubt and a “still-not-good-enough” attitude.
Even my boss, who could conjure up $50K+ with a single presentation, would feel depressed if he felt he botched the pitch or didn’t reach his (arbitrary) sales goal.
My boss was a leader, not to a group of fearless business tycoons, but to a group of creative misfits and opportunity seekers with inferiority complexes. In other words, owners of successful businesses.
Witnessing this was a paradigm-shifting experience for me.
I had always assumed that the wealthiest people in society were the “alpha males.” And, to an extent, that’s true. Alpha males tend to go into sales or some kind of leadership position that allows them to leverage their confidence to earn an above-average salary.
But I’m talking about people who broke the salary barrier and made far more money than a person could spend on their own.
These people did not make money because of their confidence.
They made money because of their lack of confidence.
They had to prove to the world that they were good enough. They weren’t just a hopeless dreamer like their family and friends thought they were.
It wasn’t so much that they had a practical reason to make all that money. They were trying to escape an undesirable situation. They were misfits trying to escape condemnation.
This insecurity gave these people an insatiable appetite to “take things to the next level.” And to the next level they went… to six figures, seven figures, eight figures…
Ironically enough, it was this interaction with successful entrepreneurs that made me realize I would probably never build a multi-million dollar company. I had too much self-assurance to stay motivated.
So how does this relate to your sex life?
More than you might think.
It all comes down to understanding the turbulent personality type.
While your wife may not be an entrepreneurial type, she probably does have a turbulent personality to some degree (most women do.)
There’s a great description of the turbulent personality over at 16 Personalities:
Individuals with Turbulent (-T) identity are self-conscious and sensitive to stress. They experience a wide range of emotions and tend to be success-driven, perfectionistic and eager to improve. They are also more willing to change jobs if they feel stuck in their current one and to spend time thinking about the direction in which their life is going.
However, while the Assertive variant may seem more positive on the surface, that is not always the case – for instance, Turbulent individuals perform better in certain roles as they push themselves to achieve superior results, while Assertive ones do not care about the outcome that much. Always feeling the need to do more, to have more, and to be more, Turbulent types often forget how exhausting that can be to both themselves and the people around them – but it is entirely possible that this desire to always push themselves just a little further helps many Turbulent types to achieve what they seek to achieve.
Now, just append the phrase “in bed” to the key phrases in the above two paragraphs. Starting to see the connection?
If you have a turbulent woman on your hands, you have a woman who, under the right conditions, is ripe for a transformation.
All she needs is a vision.
Tragically, the Church has largely neglected or even condemned the utility of psychology in helping people change. Thus the door has been left wide open to feminists and other worldly-wise charlatans who have no qualms about leveraging a woman’s insecurities for a greater purpose.
It would do a man good to ponder this equation:
Turbulent Personality + Undesirable Situation = Ready for Dramatic Change
Today’s post covered the turbulent personality. Tomorrow, I’ll cover the different types of undesirable situations and how they can be leveraged.
Perhaps the most remarkable red pill phenomenon I’ve witnessed in my life was the radical transformation of my mother after she and my step-dad divorced.
I grew up in various Pentecostal churches. While some were into the “end times” craze, my family never gave it much attention. My step-dad was always a “just the basics” kind of guy: saved by grace, show grace to others.
My mother, too, had always been more concerned with practical matters.
But all that changed after the divorce.
My mother met this guy who was a former undercover cop. He said during his career he had went deep into the inner layers of the Free Mason society and discovered many of their disturbing secrets.
The man believed he had a calling of God to be a prophet and preach the truth in the latter times when the “shit hit the fan.”
My mom went crazy for the guy. Married him months after the divorce. No ceremony. Just a quick trip to a judge.
The guy had a knack for coming up with novel ideas about a wide variety of topics and tying them in to biblical prophecy.
Every day, it was something new. A news story. A new insight from the Scripture. A new health discovery. Something novel every day.
Her new husband was her primary source of information and relief from boredom. Whatever he reported framed her worldview.
He claimed he could understand the “deeper meaning” behind the Greek Septuagint… so she accepted his interpretations as the authoritative Word of God.
He boldy claimed that the modern church was apostate… so she stopped listening to the preachers she used to listen to.
He showed her research on how pharmacy and food companies were poisoning us… so she denounced what she learned in college and her 20 years of experience as a nurse and adapted his philosophy.
Unlike my step-dad, who encouraged my mom to pursue whatever she wished, this guy kept a fairly tight reign on her, only allowing her to go out for pre-approved activities or meet with pre-approved people.
I don’t know much about their sex life, but my younger siblings overheard them one time and said all they could hear was a lot of “thumping.”
The guy also kept my mom busy. He had various health problems so she was always preparing him special food, running errands for him, doing chores on the mini-homestead.
Just a year or so into the marriage, my mom quit her high-paying government job so she could be home full-time with him.
Keep in mind, they have no children to take care of.
Nowadays, they spend their time bunkered down on their mini-homestead preparing for (his) vision of the end times.
I found the transformation remarkable because my mother was always stubbornly independent… even from her childhood. So to witness such a complete transformation in such a short period of time was remarkable.
Now, my point isn’t to judge the veracity of the guy’s claims. I just find it amazing that he was able to transform a woman so quickly.
It reminds me of something I read in Eric Hoffer’s True Believer, a book on the nature of mass movements:
It is a truism that many who join a rising revolutionary movement are attracted by the prospect of sudden and spectacular change in their conditions of life.
He then goes on to describe the difference between self-improvement and a mass movement:
The practical organization offers opportunities for self-advancement, and its appeal is mainly to self-interest. On the other hand, a mass movement, particularly in its active, revivalist phase, appeals not to those intent on bolstering and advancing a cherished self, but to those who crave to be rid of an unwanted self. A mass movement attracts and holds a following not because it can satisfy the desire for self-advancement, but because it can satisfy the passion for self-renunciation.
I’ve noticed that women rarely want to improve the current version of themselves. They want sudden change that allows them to get rid of a hated self.
Thus the appeal of feminism, fad diets, mysticism, and any other thing women go for.
But after observing my mother’s recent marriage, I realized that it is possible for a man to create a “mass movement” of his own within his own household. He only needs one convert: his wife.
It’s not entirely unlike creating a cult: you must draw her away from the world, cut off distracting influences, inspire her to be completely devoted to your cause… which of course should be the same as God’s cause.
I intend to study and experiment with this further and report my findings.
For now, pay attention to your wife’s actions and words:
Does she act out of self-assurance and a desire to improve herself?
Or does she reveal a self-loathing attitude and an aversion to improvement?
If the latter, she is ripe for a radical change… either one of your own devising or one devised by another man.
After many years of trying to understand women, I believe I’ve managed to distill what a woman wants down to just three simple words.
Why is a woman’s behavior so full of contradictions? For example…
- Date an alpha male and eventually get pregnant, knowing in advance that he’ll leave her to raise the child alone
- Become suddenly sexually aroused when other women are interested in her man, when she was repulsed by him earlier
- Try to change her husband, then get mad at him when he does change (and even leave him for a man like he first was)
Thanks to the red pill movement, we have the observations of thousands of men’s experiences with women. We’ve seen that certain patterns emerge and that women are more predictable than they’d like us to believe.
But if I may be so bold, I’d like to suggest that there is a single unifying theme that explains everything a woman does. It’s a single, subconcious but all-consuming desire:
Loss of control.
This explains everything about women. Or at least everything that I’m aware of.
- Fitness tests? She wants to see if you’re man enough to take control away from her.
- Comfort tests? She wants to know that you still have control (of her) and she won’t have to take it back
- 50 Shades of Gray? A highly dramatized tale of losing control
- Wild and rough sex? Basically like getting drunk
- A man with a plan? He who has the plan takes control over the clueless
- Working hard to earn approval? Whoever needs approval the most is under control of the one who gives it out
- Seeing other women interested in her man? She now longer has control over him… how arousing!
- Getting pregnant? She’s no longer an independent woman.
- etc. etc.
Drama, Pain, and Arousal
Now, I don’t think this “loss of control” observation is particularly novel. It’s just a summary of the findings of many years of PUA and red pill blogs.
But here’s where things get interesting…
Loss of control doesn’t happen instantaneously. And it doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s a process that occurs in time and space.
In other words, it’s a story.
We know that women love stories. They love drama. And we know that every woman is the star of her own movie that’s playing in her head.
When you break it down, a story is simple. It contains three elements:*
- A desire (or goal)
- A character
- A conflict
That’s all you need to create a story. And women crave stories. Specifically, she craves a story (either real or imagined) where she is the “victim” who experiences a loss of control.
And how does this story of her losing control happen?
Well, there’s many ways it could happen, but there is one specific way that God prescribed for it to happen:
To the woman He said, “I will greatly increase your suffering and your childbearing; in pain shall you bear children. Yet your craving shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.“
-Genesis 3:16 (Tanach: The Stone Edition)
Outside of the Garden of Eden, a woman must experience pain to bring forth children. In fact, the central theme of a woman’s life is discomfort, either in bearing and raising children or in attracting a man to impregnate her.
Blackdragon wrote an excellent post detailing the many pains an ordinary woman must go through just to get through life. Here’s just a small sampling:
- Constantly worry about her weight. Multiply by 10 if she’s even a tiny bit overweight.
- Body image issues, oppressive religious upbringing, daddy issues, etc.
- Throwing up and other complications after getting pregnant (not to mention the unbearable pain of actually giving birth)
- Trying to lose baby fat after pregnancy… then it’s back to the above
- Constant guilt over wanting sex (“anti-slut defense”)
- Sleep deprivation due to needing 90 minutes to get ready in the morning
- As she approaches 30 she (appropriately) fears that she will never marry… or she realizes she’s stuck with a sexually repulsive man… or she worries her husband will lose interest in her
In other words, a woman’s life is a never ending flow of physical and emotion pain.
And all of this pain is either preparation for, or a result of having sex with a man. Not to mention that the sexual act itself involves at least some pain for the woman… for obvious mechanical reasons.
To put it bluntly, it is simply not sensible for a woman to have sex with a man. It only brings her pain.
And yet her body craves more than anything to be inseminated by an alpha male. This is the climax of her story. Him losing control of himself and unleashing his animal-like passion upon her body. And her, the helpless victim at the mercy of a man who is smarter and stronger than her in every way.
And therein lies the conflict. She knows she should resist and keep herself safe from pain. And yet she craves so badly to have a man wrestle that decision away from her.
And where there is conflict, there is emotion. And for a woman, emotion = arousal.
I believe the process of female arousal can be conceptualized like so (in this rather crude attempt at a table):
| ||Stage 1||Stage 2||Stage 3
|Theme||safety||(potential) pain or shame||loss of control
|Response||resistance to any change||arousal and confusion||climax and addiction
To illustrate, consider the following samples. If you’ve taken the red pill, you’ll intuitively know that these fantasies would arouse almost any woman:
(Warning: X-rated language follows)
Her church friends [safety] had no idea how much of a dirty slut she was [shame]. She knew it was wrong but she just couldn’t stop doing it. [loss of control/addiction.]
She tried to get her chores done [safety] but she couldn’t stay focused. She knew he would be mad when he got back from work. [shame]. When he returned home, he bent her over his knee and spanked her until she cried like a little girl [pain/loss of control]. Then he forced her to suck his cock to remind her who was in charge. [loss of control]
Her mother wanted her to pursue a career as a lawyer [safety]. But she secretly wanted nothing more than for her tight little body to get pounded and used by a dominant man. She wanted to carry his seed and get pregnant. [shame/pain]. She was so horny she could no longer focus on her studies. She spent all her free time reading impregnation fantasies online and masturbating. [loss of control]
The story can also be non-verbal and merely implied by the actions. For example…
Starting with “just the tip” [safety]. Then getting “rougher” [pain] until the bed starts violently rocking and creaking [loss of control].
Doing chores together [safety]. Then slapping her ass [pain] and pinning her against the wall and devouring her body [loss of control]
Giving her a massage [safety]. Then biting her ears [pain]. Then turning up the heat until you’re groaning like a animal in heat and she’s gasping for air [loss of control].
I believe it is through this arousal process that a woman’s pain is redeemed. It is what she craves more than anything else.
Too Long, Didn’t Read…
Here’s the big takeaway:
As Nice Guys, we’re conditioned to yield to a woman’s resistance. But we don’t realize that her resistance, and the potential pain that follows, is the key to her arousal.
Instead of backing down at resistance, that’s when the heat needs to be turned up. Tease her about how ashamed she’ll feel or how sore she’s going to be when she finally gives in to your will.
IF you, as a man, are strong enough (physically, emotionally, mentally) to take away her control…
Then she will become aroused by the thought of the potential pain she will experience as you pull her away from sensibility and safety into a complete loss of control.
(Read that last sentence a few times and ponder it. It’s weird. But, as best I can tell, it’s true.)
* Acknowledgement to Hollywood script consultant Michael Hauge for his insights into story structure. Though he should not be held responsible for my misogynistic applications of his ideas.
A married man asks how other Christian men feel about talking “dirty” with their wives.
Is it sinful? Does the Bible say anything about the issue?
I’ve always been a bit baffled why modern Christians are so sensitive about “inappropriate” topics. As best I can tell, this pious prudery comes from a sloppy exegesis of the following passage:
and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.
“filthiness” (aischrotés) means “baseness” or someone who lacks moral character.
“silly talk” (mórologia) literally means foolish (moronic) words.
“course jesting” (eutrapelia) means using wit to refer to sexual functions in a rude and irreverent way.
These concepts are contrasted with thankfulness. Does your language indicate that you have an intelligent appreciation for God’s good creation? Or do you come across as an immoral, stupid person who can only manage to crack cynical jokes about body parts?
But this is not to say “dirty” topics are off limits to Christians. It’s all about how you say it.
To illustrate, consider the following examples:
“Your mouth is a cum receptacle for me to masturbate into.”
The above statement indicates a lack of character. It shows no respect for the sexual needs of the woman. It’s supposed to be clever/funny but there’s no point to the joke. It reveals a godless worldview. The statement does nothing to praise the beauty and goodness of sex. In fact, it lowers the act to a meaningless level.
Contrast that with the following expression from Song of Solomon 4:11:
Your lips, my bride, drip honey; Honey and milk are under your tongue
Both expressions could be referring to the same act. But the latter expression is beautiful rather than base. Instead of using cleverness to lower a sexual act to nihilism, it elevates a physical act we might be tempted to think of as meaningless or gross to it’s proper place of beauty and goodness.
But it is “dirty” in the sense that it’s not something you would talk about in the presence of elderly ladies.
But in the proper context, Christians should feel free to invent and use all kinds of sexual metaphors… so long our language indicates that we have understanding and see sex as a good thing!
P.S. It’s also worth noting that the Bible never instructs us to be offended by “course jesting”… only that we are to avoid doing it ourselves.
I’m a big nerd for personality psychology.
The best teacher I’ve found on applying personality psychology to the real world is Stefanie Arroyo. She teaches how many people mis-type themselves when they take the online Myers-Briggs tests. Instead, you’ve got to assess a person yourself based on their behavior.
I adapted these 4 simple questions from her teaching. Use them to discover what kind of woman you have on your hands.
Does she enjoy bantering with strangers? (e.g. Uber drivers, new people at church, cashiers at the store, etc.)
Extroverts (E) are naturally drawn to and energized by meeting new people. Introverts (I) only talk to new people if they have a specific reason to.
Is she more of a “head-in-the-clouds” person or “down-to-earth” person?
Intuitive (N) people live in a world of imagination and ideas and tend to miss practical details. Sensing (S) people are practical and detail-oriented and tend to miss the big picture. (About 3 out 4 women are “Sensing”)
Does she talk about what she “thinks” or what she “feels”?
Thinkers (T) are primarily concerned with truth and falsehood and justify their opinions through logic. Feelers (F) are primarily concerned with harmony and justify their opinions based on how it makes themselves and others feel. (About 2 out of 3 women are “Feelers”).
Does she (consistently) follow a meal plan and recipes when preparing dinner… or does she improvise and throw things together?
Judgers (J) use schedules and todo lists and think in terms of tasks – what needs to get done? Perceivers (P) improvise and think in terms of opportunities – what could I do now?
Personality types are a large part of what creates the unique pleasures and challenges in a marriage.
I’m an INTP and my wife is an ESFP. To put it in archetype terms, my marriage is like an absent-minded professor married to an in-the-moment entertainer.
So my marriage challenges may be very different then, say, a practical-minded man married to an idealist woman.
Yes, there are universal attributes shared by all women. But for the specific applications, it often comes down to individual personalities.
Once you’ve typed your wife, I recommend checking the description here:
If the description mostly fits, study the strengths and weaknesses and what makes that personality tick. It may save you a lot of trouble.
If you’re making any of these persuasion mistakes, you probably won’t get laid very often.
In Scott Adam’s Win Bigly book, he describes 4 common but ineffective forms of persuasion. They are (from worst to less worse):
“Word-thinking” is arguing over the right definition of words. You see this played out all the time in Christian circles. Someone (often a rebellious wife) will say “submitting to your husband does not mean…” Then someone else (often a men’s rights advocate) will try to to correct her definition. This is the most degenerate form of argument and will get you nowhere. Her mind is already made up.
“Hypocrisy” involves pointing out that your accuser is using a double-standard and is committing the same “sins” she is accusing you of. Like if your wife accuses you of playing too many video games and you respond by saying she spends too much time on Facebook. It might get her to stop pestering you. But it leaves her with the impression that both of you are bad people not worthy of respect. As a woman, she probably already dislikes herself, so you are the losing party in this exchange.
“Reason” seems like it would be a good persuasive tool, but it’s not. People make decisions on an emotional level and use reason to justify the decision. You can show your wife through reason that it is God’s will that she submit her body to you sexually. But that won’t get you anything more than reluctant duty sex. Far better to develop alpha male traits that get her panties wet, then use reason to show her that God approves of such things if she has any intellectual hangups about being your “sex object.”
“Analogies” are great for explaining new ideas, but terrible for persuasion. Because analogies are so imprecise she will find plenty of ammunition to resist the idea. For example, you might think that telling her “sex is to a man what attention is to a woman” would persuade her to give you more sex. But it won’t. She can wiggle out of it by telling herself you don’t give her enough attention. Or that one dinner conversation is not worth giving a blowjob, etc.
I would venture to guess that most husbands attempt to talk their wives into sex using one of the above techniques. But they’ll never work in the long-run.
So what does work?
Four things (strongest at the top):
- Fear of missing out: her body is perishable, she has a limited window of time to experience the thrill of unbridled sexual passion
- Fear of replacement: knowing that you could get another women motivates her to work hard to keep her place in your heart
- Fear of disapproval: “I’m very disappointed in you” are probably the 5 most frightening words you can say to a woman. Anything softer than that should get the job done.
#2) Feminine Identity:
- Young vs. old
- Beautiful vs. repulsive
- Sexy vs. distasteful
- Empathetic vs. merciless
- Generous vs. selfish
- Fun vs. boring
- Stylish vs. frumpy
- What gives her a sense of worth? (e.g. fulfilling a duty, mastering a skill, making a deep connection with someone)
- What makes her like herself? (e.g. taking care of others, being flexible, standing up against evil)
- What gives her energy to move forward? (e.g. being acknowledged, a bold new challenge, finding her true self)
Whenever you _______, think about _______.
Whenever you look at yourself in the mirror, think about how I want your body.
Whenever you’re cooking me dinner, think about how sexy that is to me.
Keep this in your panty drawer and think about these ideas every time you get dressed.
Don’t waste your time with bad persuasion. Stick to the stuff that works and you might be surprised how quickly she responds.
The way I see it, a woman is always in one of three states.
The “good girl” state means she’s being pleasant, feminine, and even flirtatious. This is the “loving doe” state that every man desires of his woman.
The “bad girl” state means she is being defiant. She is not submitting to your headship and is generally making life difficult.
The “sad girl” state means she has the “bad feelz.” She is hung up on some detail that causes her to forget how good her life really is. If not handled properly, a “sad girl” can often turn into a “bad girl.”
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that sex is always the proper resolution to any state a woman is in. If a man can master each of these frames, he will master his woman.
Below, I’ve given a basic outline of each type of sex in the form of three dialogues, one for each state. For clarity, I’ve stripped out all the nuances. It’s written as if the man and woman simply spoke in logical propositions. In addition to being kinda humorous, I hope it will make the escalation process clear.
Good Girl Sex
You: “See how much better I am than other guys? You want to nurture my seed, don’t you?”
Her: “Yes I do. Let me do something sexy to win your attention.”
You: “That’s a good girl. Let’s talk about sex.”
Her: “Yes. I like this. Kiss me.”
You: “Now it is time for action. You will assume a submissive position of my choosing.”
Her: “Yes, sir.”
You: “This is what you’re going to think about while I fuck you.”
Her: “Yes, sir.”
You: “Let me check your fluids and make sure you’re ready.”
Her: “I am ready.”
You: “I’m going to use your body entirely for my pleasure like an animal. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
Her: “Yes, sir.”
You: “I’m losing control of myself now.”
Her: “Oh, yes!”
Repeat ad infinitum. Mask the obvious with clever variations. Use physical “force” when appropriate.
Bad Girl Sex
Her: “I’m being defiant and bossy for no apparent reason.”
You: “Is this the kind of person you want to be? I’m disappointed that you would treat your own husband this way. We can talk after you’ve changed your attitude.”
Her: “I’m sorry.”
You: “Show me.”
Her: “Yes, sir.”
You: “That’s a good girl. Now get on the bed. I need to teach you a lesson so you remember who’s in charge.”
Her: “Yes, sir.”
You: “This is what you needed, isn’t it? You gonna be a good girl for me now?”
Her: “Oh, yes!”
Sad Girl Sex
Her: “I’m sad for some silly reason.”
You: “I know. But you don’t need to worry because I love you. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.”
Her: “OK… Your hands feel so good.”
You: “Yes. Just focus on happy things.”
Her: “I am happy. Kiss me.”
You: “You know that I love you, don’t you?”
You: “Now let me love all of you.”
Her: “Yes. Give me more… more… more…”
You: “My inner beast is coming out now.”
Her: “Oh, yes!”
If your encounters with your wife aren’t resolving as you wish them to, hopefully these little dialogues will reveal the sticking point. Start by simply being aware of which of the three states she is in throughout the day. Then imagine how it should resolve if you knew what to do.
After awareness, you can pinpoint the skills and tactics you need to bring her closer and closer to the proper resolution on a regular basis.
Amidst his asshole philosophizing, the Chateau Heartiste drops another nugget of wisdom… or rather his reader “Hawk” did:
Betas acknowledge the girl’s charms prior to her acting to please, alphas do so afterwards.
Unless your wife is doing any of the following…
- Showing cleavage
- Wearing tight clothing or fashionable clothes with high heels
- Working out
- Wearing sexy lingerie or nothing at all
- Cheerfully performing her domestic duties
- Being happy and flirtatious
- Giving you head
…then it’s probably counter-productive to tell her she’s “beautiful” or “sexy.”
As a man, I like to think about sex.
So when I saw this harmless article about about ways to make boring topics seem new again… I naturally thought, “hey, that could be about sex.”
So here’s my take on 8 tactics a married man can use to get his wife excited about sex again.
Tactic #1: Use Nicknames
Telling your wife you’d like insert your penis into her vagina is rarely a good way to put her in the mood.
This is why we come up with a variety of suggestive synonyms like “cock” and “pussy.” A rooster is a symbol of aggressiveness and masculinity. And a pussy cat is something soft and sweet that purrs when you pet it.
But there are other terms you can use as well. You can tell her that her “stallion” is ready for her to ride. Or refer to your semen as “nectar.”
Or just lift stuff right out of the Bible. Tell her it’s been a little too long since you’ve tended to your “garden.” Or that you’re in the mood for “pomegranates” for dessert.
Just be sure the nicknames are appropriately masculine and feminine. Probably not a good idea to call your penis “Mr. Winkles” or refer to her vagina as a “man cave.”
Whenever you hear one good nickname, use a thesaurus to come up with more ideas:
Tactic #2: Play Erotic “Would You Rather?”
If you’re not familiar with the “Would You Rather?” game, it’s where someone presents you with two difficult (and often unfortunate) hypothetical choices. Like “would you rather be itchy for the rest of your life or sticky for the rest of your life?”
Even though the game can often get graphic and disgusting, it’s almost impossible to resist playing because it appeals to our sense of curiosity and choice so perfectly.
But you don’t have to use the game to psychologically torture you’re wife (unless you’re into that sort of thing). You can use it to get her thinking about sexuality in a fun way.
“Would you rather I secretly grab your butt in public or kiss you passionately at home?”
“Would you rather try the same sex position in 9 different different places or 9 different positions in the same room?”
“Would you rather take a shower together or take a bath by yourself and let me watch?”
“Would you rather dress up as a ‘cute’ girl or a ‘naughty’ girl?”
“Would you rather be pinned against the wall or against the bed while I give you my love?”
Starting the game is simple. Wait until you’re alone with her and have a conversation that goes something like this:
“Hey babe, have you ever heard of the “Would You Rather game?”
“No. What is it?”
“It’s simple. I’m going to give you two pretend scenarios and you tell me which one you’d rather have. Wanna try it?”
Read her some non-sexual questions from the internet.
“Pretty fun, huh? I’ll ask you some of my own as they come to me. Just to warn you though: they might get naughty, so be prepared.”
And the game has begun! And it never has to end.
You can start out with “soft” and non-sexual questions and then work your way up to more intense stuff. Just ask her whenever a new one pops into your head. There’s really no limit to the questions you can ask. The trick is to create a contrast where both scenarios would be sexy but she really has to think about which one she’d prefer.
And since it’s all hypothetical (for now) you can go a lot further than if you were asking a direct question with serious intent.
If you need ideas on how to word things, you can read some stuff at Kinky Quotes for inspiration.
Tactic #3: Use Humor
Humor and sex go well together. If you take it too seriously she will likely feel uneasy and have a hard time relaxing. But a bit of properly applied humor can help her relax and get the right juices flowing.
Even if you don’t have any natural talent for humor, there are a couple of techniques you can apply that are (almost) foolproof.
The first technique is the rule of threes. You say two ordinary things followed by something unexpected. The third thing is the punchline. In this case, the unexpected thing will be about sex.
Here’s a few examples:
She asks you what’s on today’s agenda. You tell her “Well, I need to go to my dentist appointment, drop a package off at the post office, then I’ll come home and play with my pussy cat.”
When you’re getting ready for bed: “Why don’t you put the kids to bed, brush your teeth, then put on something inappropriate for bedtime.”
As you’re eating dinner in the summertime: “There’s nothing I like more than a hot day, a hot meal, and a hot wife to serve it to me.”
When you use the “rule of threes” it makes your line more intriguing than if you just told her outright.
The second technique is ridiculous exaggeration. Here you want to take a simple sexual thought and exaggerate it to the extreme for comedic effect.
If you’re working on your computer, you can tell her that you “don’t allow women in the workplace because it always leads to sexual harassment.”
As you’re leaving you tell her “be sure to dress appropriately today or I’m going to spank you when I get home from work.”
Start examining your bed and tell her you might need to get a new bed. When she asks why, tell her you’re concerned that the springs won’t last more than a few weeks under the stress of your anticipated rough love-making sessions.
Because it’s so exaggerated, there’s no pressure on her. She’ll laugh or pretend to be offended. But secretly, she’ll blush and wonder, “Maybe that WOULD be kind of fun.”
Tactic #4: Share Sex Studies with Her
Even though sex has been around since the dawn of time, we’re always discovering new things about it. We’re also rediscovering things we forgot about it.
Research results give the impression of something new and exciting. They inspire a sense of awe in us. This is exactly how you want your wife to feel about sex.
The trick is to pick studies that are suggestive. For example, how women feel happier when they have semen in their body. Or how a woman’s “rape fantasies” really aren’t weird. Or how women feel hornier near their ovulation period.
You can also share erotic findings from the Bible. Here’s a good primer on the “good bits” from the Song of Solomon. Or show her how being a good seductress is pleasing to God.
This will all be interesting stuff to her. Because it’s about her. And it will give the two of you an excuse to launch into a new phase of erotic exploration.
Sharing this stuff is really easy. Just tell her you came across an interesting article and thought she might like to read it.
If you follow this blog, I’ll share stuff I find from time to time. Just follow the links. A little bit of Googling can yield some interesting discoveries as well.
Tactic #5: Practice “the Attitude”
Most men are timid about broaching sexual topics with their wives.
But those who develop “the Attitude” can talk about sex whenever they want. It’s difficult to explain in writing because it’s more about how you talk than what you say.
The best way I can describe it is to imagine that your wife is horny all the time. Act as if she’s the sex-hungry one in the marriage. Then you just talk about everything as if it’s making her horny.
“I know you get a little horny when you’re mad. I bet you’re getting wet just thinking about how mad you are, aren’t you?”
“I know why you take so long in the shower. You just like to have more time to think about your naughty fantasies, don’ you?”
“Now don’t tell me you wouldn’t at least want to try that! I know you’re thinking about it. I can see it on your face!”
The best way to learn the attitude is by listening to the Black Philip Show with Patrice O’Neil. Listen to all the episodes at least several times through. You’ll subconsciously absorb the parts of his attitude that are appealing to you.
Now, as a Christian I cannot fully endorse his show because at least a third of the time is spent explicitly describing his sexually immoral activities. (So obviously, don’t listen to it around the family.) But if you can filter out all that B.S., you can learn a lot by paying attention to the attitude he has when he talks to women.
Patrice was so good at the attitude that he could get away with constantly calling every woman a “bitch” to her face and still get her laughing and having a good time. Not that I recommend calling your wife that. But if you can absorb even a fraction of the attitude, you shouldn’t have any trouble talking about sexually explicit things with her.
Tactic #6: Talk About Mundane Things as If They Were Sexy
One of the easiest ways to make sex surprising is to talk about something rarely associated with sex as if it were sexy.
Here’s a few examples:
In your best smooth seductive voice: “Oh wow. I love the way you crack that egg and slowly drizzle it over the batter. Mmm yeah, baby. You know what’s up.”
“Nothing makes me hornier than tax time. Put on something sexy and let’s talk numbers.”
“I love the way you spread that butter over my toast. That’s a good girl.”
This tactic is great for two reasons. First, it will surprise her so it’ll make a strong impression. Second, you’ll be creating sexual associations with common activities. Before long, she won’t be able to go a single day without doing something in her routine that reminds her of sex.
And a woman who is thinking about sex is a happy woman.
Tactic #7: Predict Her Future
People love to hear predictions about the future. We are often dissatisfied or bored with the present. But the future is exciting. Anything could happen! Use this bias to your advantage.
You don’t want to put pressure on her to do anything now. That’s too scary. Instead you want to suggest that there is something erotic buried inside her that is going to come out one day.
For example, you can say “I think there’s a really wild girl that’s trapped inside of you. One day we’re going to set her free.”
Or if she’s a bit sassy: “You are a sassy one. But one day I’m going to break you in.”
Or as she’s fondling your manhood: “One day, I think you will grow quite fond of this most important part of me.”
The key is to find areas where there is a mismatch between a core feminine desire and her current attitude or behavior. It is extremely difficult to resist biology. Merely bringing her attention to her instincts is often enough to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Tactic #8: Change the Visuals
New visuals are an instant way to create novelty.
Most women buy way more clothes than they need. It’s because they want variety. But you can use this preference to your advantage.
Give her a monthly budget to buy sexy things to wear. Simply the fact that she has something new to put on is often enough to make a woman feel sexy and put her in the mood.
Sometimes just thinking about what to wear can put her in the mood. You can text her and ask her if she’s found a “suitable outfit” to greet you in. Or if her panties match her outfit today. Silly stuff like that.
You can also change what you wear. Get a new look. Start working out. You’ll seem like a new man to her.
Another way is to change the scene. Try a different room. Take a retreat. Do it outside. Do it in the shower. etc. etc.
Now Go Have Some Fun!
Hopefully this gives you some ideas to get started. There’s really no reason sex ever has to seem hum-drum. There are so many different ways to think about it.
The way I see it, a man will spend more time in his day not having sex than having it. Might as well have a bag of tricks to make the in-between times more fun.