It’s harsh realities like this that make the Christian virtue of mercy shine all the brighter:
Neither women nor society care about male weakness. As alluded to in section 6, low tier men are invisible to women as a function of hypergamy.
If you are weak, depressed, small, poor, uneducated, unconfident, or anything else that prevents you from being powerful, nobody will care about whether you live or die.
People only care about you when you’re powerful, or a woman. You have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and become self-reliant because nobody else gives a fuck. You’re given a dichotomy, sink or swim; you sink, and you end up drowning yourself in failure and self-pity. If you swim and only if you swim, people will start taking notice.
Society will always have a safety net for women, for weakness is a function of femininity rather than a bug. White knights will come to the rescue, the state will provide welfare and other women are more than happy to side with her – all of this in spite of any success or remarkable accolades! A man of equal unworth is condemned, and rightly so. Whilst women can cruise without social ostracisation, men cannot. Fair it is not, but true it is all the same.
-Illimitable Men’s Red Pill Constitution – Section 14
I know that, as a man, I will never forget those precious few times somebody took pity on my wretched state and lent a helping hand instead of passing judgment. It makes a difference.
A man would do well to ponder this chart if he wishes to have success in the bedroom:
(From the book, The ONE Thing by Gary Keller.)
Here’s a red pill interpretation:
Scenario: your wife isn’t having sex with you.
Here’s the path of accountability:
- Why doesn’t she want to have sex with me? (Seeks Reality)
- This is the way women are. (Acknowledges Reality)
- If I’m going to get laid, it’s up to me. (Owns It)
- What can I do? (Finds Solution)
- O.K. I’m going to try it and see how she responds. (Gets On With It)
Here’s the path of victimhood:
- Suffers in silence or complains without asking questions. (Avoids Reality)
- Rejects red pill truths or claims his case is different. (Fights Reality)
- “The Bible says a wife is supposed to submit to her husband! If she would quit being rebellious…” (Blames)
- “I can’t make her submit to me. That’s on her.” (Personal Excuses)
- “I’m turning it over to God. If He wants to change her heart, it’ll happen.” (Waits & Hopes)
Remember: a victim is sexually repulsive to women. But a man who takes charge of his life gets what he wants.
It’s an accepted truth in the manosphere that there is a trifecta of personality traits that result in immense personal power.
This “dark triad” gives a man access to high social status, power over men, and is the key to unlocking the legs of women. Basically, a Dark Triad man can get whatever he wants.
In case you’re not familiar with the traits, here’s a quick summary:
Narcissism – self-love and ridiculously high self-confidence. Low-self esteem people live their lives vicariously through high-self esteem people.
Machiavellianism – seeing life as a game of strategy that must be manuevered. People are seen as objects to be manipulated and used for their utilitarian value. Women love this (subconciously) because they have a craving to be the object of a man’s lust. And men without purpose want to feel useful and thus respond to a Machiavellian man.
Psychopathy – no sense of guilt or discomfort with making immoral choices. Psychopathic people do not feel guilt or fear about making ruthless decisions. This is advantageous to their quest for power, whereas more conscientious people have great difficulty doing anything manipulative.
(You can read a more in-depth summary at the Illimitable Men blog.)
At first glance, it would appear that Christian men are at a disadvantage. None of those attributes sound like appropriate behavior for a follower of Christ.
But it recently occurred to me that there is an equivalent to the Dark Triad for Christian men. Not only equivalant, but, I would content, superior to the Dark Triad.
The Kingdom Man’s “Dark Triad” consists of three attributes:
- Fear of the Lord
I will address each in turn below…
Trait #1: Diligence
The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage, But everyone who is hasty comes surely to poverty. (Proverbs 21:5)
Diligence, when properly understood, has the same effect of irrational ego-based confidence.
Many Christians mistakenly believe that diligence is synonymous with hard work. While people often avoid diligence due to laziness, hard work is typically the result of a lack of diligence.
If you look up charuwts (diligence) in a Hebrew lexicon, you’ll see that it does not mean “hard work” or “effort.” It means “decision” with the image of making a deep and permanent cut. In other words, it’s a decision made after a careful analysis of the situation. It also involves taking self-initiated action on that decision (Prov 6:7-8).
The Bible teaches that being hurried is the opposite of diligence. Or, as Tim Ferriss puts it:
“Being busy is a form of laziness – lazy thinking and indiscriminate action.”
Probably the closest modern concept we have to diligence is the 80/20 principle. Approximately 20% of your inputs generate 80% of the output. 20% of your actions will result in 80% of your success. 20% of your habits are generating 80% of your problems. etc. etc.
The key is, don’t focus on working harder. Only two types of people believe working harder is the best solution: people who are insecure and people who are stupid.
Focus on making better decisions and then do those few things that will get you the best results.
Or focus on enduring the trials that will force the majority of your competition to drop out.
My wife sometimes accuses me of being arrogant. But I have a sincere belief that I am (or can be) better than the vast majority of men in whatever I choose to focus on.
But my confidence doesn’t come from a sense of being special. I simply understand that, at every level of competition, 80% of men are losers (relatively speaking.)
For example, if you accept the red pill and decide you want to have sex with a real woman rather than settle for porn and masturbation, that puts you in the top 20% of men.
If you actually manage to establish the (few essential) daily habits that will help you reach your red pill goals, that puts you in the top 4% of men.
If you study and practice advanced seduction techniques, that puts you in the top 1% of men.
And so on and so forth.
At every level of competition, you can count on these truths:
- 80% of your competitors will be too lazy (i.e. busy) to make a better decision
- 80% of your competitors will give up at the next roadblock
- 80% of your roadblocks are coming from 20% of the inputs
Once you truly grasp the power of diligence and the 80/20 Principle, you’ll have the same level of confidence of a narcissist.
Trait #2: Shrewdness
And his master praised the unrighteous manager because he had acted shrewdly; for the sons of this age are more shrewd in relation to their own kind than the sons of light. (Luke 16:8)
Christians are notoriously dim-witted when it comes to dealing with worldly affairs. This was the case even during Christ’s ministry.
A prime example of Christian naivity was during the advent of the movie as a new entertainment medium. Rather than seizing the opportunity and sending bright young men to film school, ministers wasted their efforts derailing against the evils of the medium and warning people to stay away. So instead, we’ve opted to allow God-hating secularists to seize the medium and use it to indoctrinate our children with feminism, socialism, and all kinds of other hellish ideologies.
And we still haven’t learned. Even to this day, pastors still haven’t figured out that what people read/watch/listen to on their phones informs their worldview more than what they hear from the pulpit. Preachers are boring. Social media is exciting. Attention is influence.
But it’s not just about seizing new communication mediums. It’s about building the kingdom and letting your light shine with the same level of shrewdness as one who is pursuing ungodly power.
Do you want to be great in the kingdom of God? Jesus says to build your house on the rock and shine your light for the world to see (Matthew 5:14-16.)
It’s always a battle. Either the world will overcome and subsume your house. Or your house will shine a light so bright that the world will be drawn to it.
It’s a shameful thing for a man to lose his dynasty. If a man is not vigilant, worldly people who are more shrewd than him will snatch away his children and spoil his work.
I recommend starting by reading and frequently pondering Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power. Apply that level of thinking towards leading your wife and building your house to be a beacon of light in the world.
Trait #3: Fear of the Lord
Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. (Matthew 10:28)
A man who fears rejection from God is immune to the social pressures of his day.
Imagine yourself standing before God’s throne on the judgment day…
“But… but… but God. I was following the traditional faith. I believed everything the catechism said. Everyone else was going that way. Surely, you’d understand…”
“Liar. You have twisted my plain words and willingly followed false teachers. This man is a worthless coward. Take him away and burn him. He is unfit for the kingdom.”
Remember that God is a fair judge. He doesn’t judge on a curve. You either bear good fruit or you don’t. And God says there is no room for cowards in the kingdom of Heaven. (Revelation 21:8)
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to test the limits of how much cowardice God’s mercy overlooks on the final judgment.
Don’t put your trust in religious slogans like “grace alone” or “my intentions are good.” Rather, you should be scared shitless about violating or adding to what God has plainly communicated in His word.
If you don’t understand a passage, beg God for wisdom and read the passage (in context) over and over until it makes sense.
When you find something in the Scripture that is contrary to what you believe or do, immediately change your mind about the matter.
And above all, show mercy to others so that God will be merciful to you (James 2:13)
Don’t rely on pastors.
Don’t rely on theologians.
Don’t rely on tradition.
You have the Holy Spirit who teaches you all things. (John 14:26)
When you truly understand the fear of the Lord, you will have no qualms about blatantly denying the unbiblical B.S. that passes off as church tradition. You won’t allow your conscience to be bound to extra-biblical teachings.
In other words, you will have the power of a psychopath.
Keep in mind that the majority of men have none of these traits. So if you can tap into the synergy of having all three traits, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Your house will be immune to storms and your light will shine forth before the world. And you will be called great in the kingdom of Heaven.
These are the kind of men that are needed to build a kingdom.
A filter like this makes marriage a lot easier as a man.
I thought this blog post I read over at Doing Marriage Right might be an encouragement to some of my readers.
Sadly, sex does not always get off to a good start in a marriage. As the author writes:
As I’ve stated before sex for us began with difficulty. Physical pain and inexperience, with a side of an inability to communicate like adults about sex, led to disappointment for both of us for many years. We have moved past that and sex is now regular and pleasurable. I have chronicled our success in the past.
Orgasm for my wife first came with vibrators, primarily the Hitachi Magic Wand, for many years. She found oral and manual stimulation painful. She said during intercourse, she felt nothing, and if it went too long (like more than a minute or two) it became painful.
But after I read his full story, I was reminded of two important truths:
- Bad sex today doesn’t mean it’s going to remain that way… even if it’s been going on for years
- Couples can still have great sex even after decades of marriage
Sexual problems are almost entirely psychological at the root. And the brain can be rewired over time with effective communication of the truth.
The belief in change is the first step towards healing.
Read the full story here:
Christian guys often worry about wanting sex too frequently.
“Am I normal?”
“How much is too much?”
“Am I being selfish by wanting so much sex?”
But if we’re going to take God’s word seriously, we’d have to conclude that God promotes the very “sex addiction” that Pastors and marriage counselors seem so quick to warn against.
Consider Proverbs 5:19… the penultimate passage on married sexuality:
As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.
Two key words here:
The word translated as “exhilarated” is shagah, which means to “go astray.”
Shagah is typically used in the context of being drunk or committing a sin out of ignorance. Picture a man who is so blind or intoxicated that he is not even aware of what he’s doing. He is veering off the path of reason into blind passion.
Now that’s interesting enough, but here’s the twist:
God doesn’t advise us to simply be shagah once in awhile… he wants us to be in this state of blind passion for our wife’s body always. The word translated “always” is tamid. It literally means “going on without interruption”, “of uninterrupted continuity.”
To put it another way:
The modern Christian marriage is the exact inverse of God’s design.
Most marriages are drudgery interrupted by occasional sexual passion.
But the proper marriage is continuous blind sexual passion occasionally interrupted by the necessary duties of life.
This is the only way I can make sense of the Apostle Paul’s commandment in 1 Corinthians 7:5:
Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.*
Apparently, the Apostle Paul expected a healthy marriage to be so sexually charged that they wouldn’t have much time to pray.
But there may come a time when it would make sense to stop engaging in perpetual foreplay. Perhaps you’ll need a few days to focus on prayer and studying Scripture without being distracted by a constant bulge in your pants.
But this is only if both husband and wife agree. And it should only be for a short while.
This also explains why both Paul and Jesus encouraged celibacy for those who were able. A married men is too busy messing around with his wife to have time for any outside enterprise for God’s Kingdom.
Marriage is designed to give normal men and women what they want most.
What do men want? To have a lot of sex.
What do women want? To feel sexy and get attention.
The Proverbs 5:19 lifestyle satisfies both needs.
It’s almost as if God knew what he doing.
* “Self-control” in 1 Cor 7:5 is sometimes translated as “incontinence.” It wouldn’t necessarily have the negative association we might read into it. It can simply mean that one has sexual appetites he cannot refrain from… which is part of God’s good design. Paul refers to singleness and marriage as different gifts, with singleness being preferable if one is so inclined.
A man can approach a marriage in one of two ways.
One way is to follow the path of the “Simple Man” as sung by Lynard Skynard:
Be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
For me, being a simple man means three things:
- Having sex
- Raising kids
- Pursuing wisdom
I try not to concern myself with much else.
On the other hand…
You could follow the theme of what I would nominate to be the ultimate pussy-worshiping anthem:
I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
That sound you hear in the above video is the sweet serenade of a man who just lost his balls.
They’re both catchy songs. But only one will help you get laid.
Desiring God delivers another fine specimen of effective anti-male propaganda:
“It is unkind to pressure your spouse for oral sex when he or she finds it unpleasant. Outdo each other in kindness.”
I almost find it admirable how clever these guilt-inducing statements are. It should be rather fun to dissect it.
First off, we have to realize who this message is addressed to.
Ask yourself this question:
How many married men in your local church do you know who is a true alpha male?
Can’t think of any?
Yeah, me neither.
Despite the stereotype of the high-testosterone domineering Christian husband, you’ll rarely find one.
What you’ll find instead is a multitude of “nice guys.” Men who have been trained since youth to seek the approval of women.
If you’ve ever read No More Mr. Nice Guy, you know that “nice guys” constantly worry about not being seen as “selfish.” So framing oral sex as selfish appeals perfectly to the Nice Guy’s insecurities.
Furthermore, the last thing a Nice Guy wants to do is “pressure” anybody to do anything. There’s an entire industry of training programs designed to help nice guys sell without using “sales pressure” and get dates without having to “be a jerk.” *
Nice Guys never want to rock the boat and live for the approval of others. A Nice Guy will have no trouble believing it’s selfish to “pressure” a woman into doing a sexual act.
DG then covers their tracks by adding the “he or she” statement. Always exaggerate the exceptions to make the problem appear egalitarian.
Finally, DG once again displays a complete ignorance of female sexuality.
According to a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, over 70% of women fantasize about performing oral sex on a man.
Furthermore, a woman can be sexually aroused by almost anything. If something is acceptable to her culture and/or if an alpha male is directing her, a woman will be down with just about anything. (This is probably why so much ancient wisdom warns husbands to keep a close watch over their wives.)
But this sexual “fluidity” is also good news for husbands. Just because she won’t do something today, doesn’t mean she won’t be thrilled to do it under the right conditions.
As far as I can tell, there are four reasons a wife would not want to perform oral:
- Stinky crotch or foul-tasting semen (due to poor hygiene or bad diet)
- No emotional meaning given to the act (she sees it just as something gross they do in porn)
- She associates it with “sin” due to her religious background or past sexual experiences
- Her man has not yet successfully passed her “shit tests” and thus she is not ready to submit to him sexually
Finally, DG closes with a classic use of pseudo-Scripture. “Outdo each other in kindness” sounds like something that would come from the Bible, but it’s not. The correct text is:
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;
The Greek word translated into honor is time, which means “what has value in the eyes of the beholder.”
“Kindness” could be an acceptable word if you truly are thinking about what the other person needs and values.
But when a Nice Guy hears “kindness”, he doesn’t think “what does a woman need sexually?” Instead, he thinks “I work so hard and help out around the house. Why won’t she return the favor?!”
If you truly want to honor your wife, you’ll work on developing the masculine attributes that she needs. For most of us, that means being more dominant.
Increase your dominance, and giving you head becomes her pleasure… not something you have to “pressure” her to do.
* The alternative to “no pressure” is not “high pressure” (which is needy) but rather declaring what you want and being outcome independent.
I recently read this nifty little parable in Ryan Holiday’s The Obstacle is the Way:
There was once a king whose people had grown soft and entitled.
Hoping to teach his people a lesson, the king devised a plan. He decided to place a large boulder in the middle of the road, blocking entry into the city. The king then hid nearby to watch how his people would respond.
Would they band together to try to remove the obstacle? Or would they get discouraged, quit, and return home?
The king watched in disappointment as subject after subject came to the obstacle and turned away. A few made halfhearted attempts before giving up. Some loudly cursed the king.
But nobody did anything about the boulder.
After several days, a lone peasant came along. He did not turn away when he saw the boulder. Instead, he strained as hard as he could, trying to push the boulder out of the way. It wouldn’t budge.
Then an idea came to the peasant. He scrambled into the nearby woods to find something he could use for leverage. Finally, he returned with a large branch that he had crafted into a lever.
With his new lever, the peasant was able to dislodge the boulder.
Beneath the rock was a purse full of gold coins along with a note from the king, which read:
“The obstacle in the path becomes the path. Never forget, within every obstacle is an opportunity to improve our condition.”
Sexual frustration is an obstacle that hinders our path. We did not choose to place the obstacle in our path. Nevertheless, it becomes our problem.
But as the Scriptures say:
A garden locked is my sister, my bride, A rock garden locked, a spring sealed up.
Sometimes, that spring is dammed up so tight, you may feel like you’ll never break through.
But “the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.”
Keep searching for those levers. It will demand patience. It may demand all of your strength and creative power.
But always remember:
You are man, created in the image of God.
A man subdues. A man conquers. A man names and claims what belongs to him.
Do not turn back in the face of adversity. Persevere and bring what is rightfully yours into submission. You will be richly rewarded.
I’ve been reading a great book about turning trials into triumph.
The book is called The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday. While certainly not a “red pill” book, the principles are universal and have application to marriage.
Below, I’ve given my take on 9 ways men can use the power of perspective to thrive in a difficult marriage.
1. Contrarian Thinking
Many red pill men like to complain about women. Maybe you got a bad deal in the marriage market. You wish you had learned red pill truths earlier.
But a contrarian thinker sees opportunity where others see tragedy.
If your marriage really is shitty, you have a great opportunity on your hands. You have nothing to lose by transforming yourself into an all-out alpha male.
What can she do to you?
Nag you? (Like she hasn’t been doing that already?)
Leave you? (You can get a better woman.)
Take your money? (Rebuild a better financial foundation from scratch without the burden of providing for a family.)
Take your kids? (Yes, that would suck. But like Job, you can always start over with an even more blessed family.)
Maybe she’ll come around and realize what she’s been missing all these years.
You never know. But the worse your marriage is, the less you have to lose.
2. There’s Always a Solution
Does your wife have a low sex drive? There’s a solution for that.
Does she experience painful intercourse? There’s a solution for that.
Does she think your penis or semen is gross? There’s a solution for that.
Is she depressed? There’s a solution.
Is she a drama queen? There’s a solution.
Is she a prude in the bedroom? There’s a solution.
Is she too busy/anxious to focus on sex? There’s a solution.
Nothing you’re facing is unique. Somebody, somewhere has figured out a solution.
Even if you have to piece it together yourself, there’s always a way. Never resolve to be defeated. That’s what sissies do.
3. Choose the Best Response
You can’t control what your woman says, does, or feels. But you can control how you respond.
“Why is my wife doing this?” is a useless question.
Instead ask, “what’s the best way to respond when my wife does X?”
Build up your arsenal of responses. Before you know it, she’ll be adapting to your frame.
4. Logic over Panic
Your wife will frequently try to suck you into whatever distress she is feeling.
You may be tempted to give into her emotions. If she’s so panicked, something must be terribly wrong! Now you jump into survival mode too. The stress escalates.
But as the man, you need to stop and think.
Rarely is a situation cause for panic. Ask yourself (and her) a series of logical questions to diffuse the situation:
But isn’t this a common part of life?
Are the damages catastrophic?
So this isn’t totally unexpected is it? How could it really be that bad? Why are you getting so worked up over something that we know, at least occasionally, will happen in life?
5. Ask Yourself for Advice
We often think our situation is worse than it really is simply because we’re right in the middle of it.
But if someone else were in the same situation, you would see the problem with more objectivity. The problems suddenly don’t seem so insurmountable. The solution becomes obvious.
So why not take advantage of this bias?
Write yourself a note about your situation. Ask yourself for advice. The solution will often become obvious even as you describe the situation.
6. Context and Framing
A marriage consists of a context (i.e. what does marriage mean) and two frames: the masculine and feminine perspective.
God tells us a marriage represents Christ and the church. This gives meaning to the difficulties. You become more like Christ as you love a difficult bride… just as Christ has to deal with a difficult church.
And, contrary to popular Christian marriage advice, the man will generally understand the needs of the marriage better than the woman. This is why women become unhappy when her husband attempts to “do what she wants.”
She doesn’t know what will make her happy.
You must decide for her in light of Scripture.
The masculine frame must win.
7. The Serenity Prayer
Every married man would do well to take this famous prayer to heart:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Too often, we spend time focusing on the things outside of our control. We complain about how the legal system screws us over. We feel angry that we were lied to about women. We worry about the size of our you-know-whats.
Obsessing over what we can’t change leaves us stuck. We completely miss the abundance of things we can change (like developing alpha traits.)
As the prayer suggests, what we most often need is not a new situation, but courage to do what we know we need to do.
8. Live in the Present
Yes, America may very well be going to hell-in-a-handbasket.
But what does that mean for you and your marriage?
We spend so much time worrying about future invisible threats that we don’t realize how little the news has to do with our personal lives.
No matter what happens, the solution is always the same:
- Put your faith in God
- Make yourself antifragile (i.e. basic preparedness)
Don’t worry about the future. Focus on what’s in front of you now. You can still have a great life regardless of what’s happening around you.
9. Life can be Molded to Your Will
Yes, there are a few things we can never change. But most of life is malleable.
Don’t like your body? You can change it through exercise and diet.
Don’t have confidence? You can change it through visualizing success, meditating on Scripture, reframing your situation, etc.
Don’t like your wife? You can change her through long-term persuasion.
Don’t like your job? You can start a new career.
Not enough money? You can study the principles of wealth and get more of it.
Not enough time? You can apply the 80/20 principle to cut out unnecessary busy work.
Not enough energy? You can change your state by moving your body.
Does life seem too difficult? Maybe you’re trying to live someone else’s life instead of using your natural strengths.
Too lazy to do anything? You can increase the stakes by putting money on the line.
You get the idea. There’s really no excuse to not having a great life.
This is what it means to be made in the image of God. Use it to your benefit.