Call me a heretic if you will, but I think any Christian would do well do adopt the mindset of A.E. Knoch:
The adherents of creeds and confessions are satisfied that they have “the truth” and that all else is false. They exalt human deductions from the Bible above the Scriptures themselves and denounce all who do not bow down to their dictum. Oh, that the saints would awaken to the deceptive nature of the present day delusion!
Let us rid ourselves of the idea that we are pure, that we have no error, and that we can apostatize only by departing from our present position. Almost all of the saints are stupefied by this fond delusion. It takes no reasoning power at all to show that the conflicting camps in Christendom cannot all be right.
Let us rather take every doctrine and subject it to the rigid scrutiny of the inspired text. Let us hold it subject to such modifications as the further study of the Scriptures may impose. In other words, let us hold to God’s Word and not cling to creeds.
We are well aware that our refusal to subscribe to man-made statements of doctrine may be made the basis of serious charges against us. Nevertheless, we wish to repeat that we absolutely refuse to sign any unscriptural or extra-scriptural creed or doctrine – even if we believe it. A statement which cannot be expressed in the words of divine inspiration is inspired by the enemy of truth, and has no claim on the man of God.
Creeds which conform to the truth of the Scriptures are useless; those which do not are dangerous. If we believe a truth of Scripture, let us express it in the language of Scripture. It is almost invariably the case that any change from the inspired form of sound words indicates a deviation from the full and perfect truth itself.
We desire to believe all that God has spoken, and to reject all that man has imported into it.
Unsearchable Riches, Volume 13 (1922)
Quoted from the Bible Student’s Notebook.
It’s no secret that most people (Christians) are stressed, anxious, and generally not enjoying life.
I think I’ve identified the root cause. It’s something I call the “Modern Life” vs. the “Abundant Life.”
The Modern Life Flow goes something like this:
- Sacrifice time and energy to acquire (and manage) money and possessions
- Invest minimal to no time or money learning new skills
- Use “to do” lists to direct one’s life
- Feel perpetually behind, tired and unable to handle any more “blessing”
I like to contrast that with what I call the Abundant Life Flow:
- Use time and money to learn new skills and create energy (i.e. rest, nourishment, strong body, mindset, vision & purpose, fellowship, gratitude)
- Use excess energy to labor for (just enough) money to replenish immediate needs
- Use new skills and knowledge to create systems and find investments that make money for you
- Create life and shine your light in the world
It doesn’t matter so much what you do or how far advanced you are in the “program”. What matters is what comes first. Most people put “mammon” first. Few people put life first. They are contradicting priorities.
“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.”
I don’t know how much truth is behind this recent sensational headline found on the Drudge Report, but it fits the larger pattern:
Priests found in bed together in Rome face being expelled…
I’m astonished that we still allow such perverts to authoritatively teach us what constitutes “good” sexual expression.
And it’s not just gay priests that are the problem. Every time I’ve encountered the sexual teachings of a teacher the church venerates as a “man of God” I’ve been disappointed to say the least. Here are just a couple examples (emphasis mine):
For intercourse of marriage for the sake of begetting has not fault; but for the satisfying of lust, but yet with husband or wife, by reason of the faith of the bed, it has venial fault: but adultery or fornication has deadly fault, and, through this, continence from all intercourse is indeed better even than the intercourse of marriage itself, which takes place for the sake of begetting.
But because that Continence is of larger desert, but to pay the due of marriage is no crime, but to demand it beyond the necessity of begetting is a venial fault, but to commit fornication or adultery is a crime to be punished…
At no point is a man’s depravity more manifest than in the procreative act. We know man is a sinner by what he says. We know man is a sinner by what he does… We can see on the outside sinful deeds. But how do we know man is a sinner at the base of his character? How do we know man is a sinner at the root of his existence? The answer: by what he creates. Whatever comes from the loins of man is wicked because man is wicked.
Nowhere then, in the anatomy of a man, or in the activity of a man, is depravity more manifest than in the procreative act. Because it is precisely at that point which he demonstrates the depth of his sinfulness because he produces a sinner…
I would remind you that Jesus Christ had no human father. Because there was no human father who could produce a perfect person. The Spirit of God had to plant a perfect seed in Mary and bypass a human father. The male organ, then, is the point at which human depravity is most demonstrated. You see, not the deeds of sin, but the nature of sin passed on to the next generation.
Why we continue to tolerate such sexually retarded teachings in the church is beyond me.
Something seems fishy about the language and examples chosen for this recent Gospel Coalition piece called “A Hidden Epidemic God Hates.”
“A hidden epidemic” sounds eerily similar to the opening rhetoric of Betty Friedan’s Feminine Mystique:
The problem lay buried, unspoken, for many years in the minds of American women.
Now let’s see what the Gospel Coalition is up to…
TGC: Tom micromanages his wife Sarah’s physical appearance to fit his personal tastes. He picks out her clothes, tells her how she can do her hair, and restricts her diet so she remains thin.
God: So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
TGC: Miranda is an overprotective mother. She homeschools her 17-year-old daughter, Kate, to prevent her from being exposed to rebellious teenagers. She won’t allow her to play sports, attend dances, or get her driver’s license.
God: He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.
TGC: Bill forces his wife Angie to have sex against her will. He’s rough in bed and occasionally strikes her when they’re being intimate.
God: Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.
(I wouldn’t be surprised if many female readers suddenly started fantasizing about “Bill” after reading the article. That’s about as erotic as Christian writing gets for a woman.)
Evil rhetoric always starts by emphasizing the restriction and omitting the blessing. Rather than liberating people from their burdens, it manufactures burdens from thin air by re-framing the situation.
If it acts like a snake and talks like a snake…
- Empathize with the pain
- Show the consequences of the present path
- Show the bliss of the path of wisdom
- Provide sensible boundaries to protect the bliss
- Re-frame struggles into triumphs
- Draw attention to a restriction (manufacture pain)
- Deny the consequences of breaking the restriction
- Highlight the desirability of transgression
- Add restrictions and expand the definition of sin
- Preach the consequences of transgression
- Exhort people to try harder to do good
- Act shocked and appalled when the younger generation leaves the church and turns to evil
- Adapt the new evil into the church to be more “relevant”
Some more subtle anti-male rhetoric from Desiring God:
Most Christian guys nowadays have been so emasculated, I doubt they even possess the seduction skills or the sexual attractiveness required to even tempt an affair. But aside from that, DG gets this message wrong on two counts.
First, an “affair” is a cultural sin, not a biblical sin. The biblical sin is adultery, which occurs when one man has sex with another man’s wife. It’s a sin against the man that is analogous to property theft. An “affair”, on the other hand, is a sin against the woman. Same event, different meanings.
Secondly, men do not have affairs because they are searching for “true love.” They have affairs because they’re not getting any action at home and come across an opportunity to sleep with a younger, hotter woman.
I give Desiring God credit for waking me up to some important spiritual truths during my college years. But they have since proven themselves to be incapable of providing truthful commentary on either the Bible or sexuality. I suspect they have been converged by the Enemy. Some of the readers are noticing:
Ambiguity is the devil’s best friend.
The author at GodRules.net illustrates the heavy burden placed on Christians when precise teaching and thinking is replaced with “spiritual” ambiguity:
The Conservative Church has taken terms like “fornication” and “adultery” and made them mean everything. Everything is fornication. Seeing a nude woman is fornication. Even touching yourself is adultery. Do you see the error? Further, they neglect the precision of scripture and altogether cut out the offenses of idolatry that are connected to adultery, fornication and many of the sins mentioned in scripture…
This is not something that can be easily dismissed. It is almost like some Christians want to take the precision out of scripture. To take the power out of scripture as well. To Gnosticize the Bible into a war between your physical desire and your spirit. When, in reality, they have minimized the sins of the spirit.
This is why I’m skeptical of confessions and catechisms. They make no sense to me and lack the precision found in Scripture. The “conspiracy theorist” part of me suspects they are nothing more than an excuse to browbeat men into submission by expanding the definition of what it means to be a sinner.
I know many people use them with good intentions, and I can see the appeal of having a summary of the Scripture. But I tend to agree with Mark Twain’s assessment:
[Most Christians are] credulous people who venerate the Bible but do not examine it carefully, preferring to rely on what preachers or biblical commentators want them to believe… [M]ost Christians want little more than reinforcement for their sectarian indoctrination.
Tragically, Christians do this at the expense of both church unity and personal freedom. Living in a perpetual state of ambiguous guilt is a heavy burden to bear.
NOTE: This is an article I wrote about 8 months ago but forgot to publish. Other than a couple minor edits, I left it unaltered. I may visit this topic more in the future if I detect a need.
This article is intended to give husbands a new perspective on how they might help their wives heal from past sexual abuse.
I discovered this by accident (or by providence) one day while discussing Proverbs 5:19 with my wife. Surprisingly, I’ve never heard anything like this from any sexual abuse “specialists” (Christian or secular).
After five years of struggling to find a solution for my wife through counseling and therapy books, a spontaneous 20 minute conversation immediately flipped a switch of such powerful healing that I was baffled why it took me so long to find it. It certainly didn’t solve every practical problem at once, but it was a fundamental breakthrough unlike anything I had seen before. In retrospect, it seems obvious. But if you don’t know what to look for, it remains hidden.
In order to avoid revealing anything to personal and hopefully make the point more obvious, I’m going to explain what I discovered through an analogy that men might find more relatable.
Pretend that you’re living in an alternate world. This world is almost exactly like our own world except for one thing: Whenever men get together, a common conversation theme is how “repulsive” it is when women wear revealing clothing. But other than that one difference, everything else is the same. You still have the same biology and women still act and dress the same.
As a “sexually awakened” teenage boy in this alternate world, you begin to wonder if something is wrong with you. Based on the conversations you hear, you conclude that it is wrong to be aroused by seeing a woman’s cleavage or the curves of her body. After all, it is “disgusting.” You hear that “sex is good”… it’s just women’s body parts that are gross.
But you can’t help feeling the way you do. You get aroused by women’s body parts. What is wrong with you?
When you become a young adult you decide to marry. After all, marriage is good. It’s the only way your sexuality can be purified.
Unfortunately, your problems don’t go away. You are unable to become aroused enough to “do the deed.” It seems that the only way you can be turned on is when you see your wife’s body parts. But you know that is wrong. That’s part of your of your corrupted sexuality that needs to be put away. So you stuff it down and don’t give yourself any opportunity to act on it.
You begin to despair. Why is sex so difficult? What caused you to be this way?
After doing some research, you think you’ve found the answer. You were sexually abused. You’ve tried to repress the memory but it’s coming back to you now…
When you were a 12 years old, your aunt touched your penis. Actually, it was more than just a touch. You were confused. It awakened a thrilling sensation inside of you that you didn’t know your body was capable of. And yet, you knew it was wrong. Your brain couldn’t make sense of the experience. So you buried it.
But now you read that it’s common for boys who’ve been abused to have similar fantasies about women that you are having.
That must be it! You’re a victim. It’s not your fault.
Now if you can only heal from this past experience, you’ll be made a whole again… and all those gross fantasies you’ve been having about women’s bodies will go away.
The Hidden War on Women
I hope you can see the absurdity of this story. The boy was perfectly normal. His biology was simply functioning as it was created to. Even when his aunt inappropriately touched him, the excitement he felt was a natural response. And it certainly wasn’t this inappropriate touching that triggered his fantasies.
As absurd as the story may seem, this is exactly the sort of thing our society does to women. The only difference is women have a different sort of fantasy.
It’s well documented that “rape fantasies” are one of the most popular sexual fantasies among women. And yet our culture spends a disproportionate amount of time talking about how wrong it is for a man to “have his way” with a woman. A woman is not a “sex object” we say.
On the surface, this “anti-rape” hysteria seems to be an attack on men. But I’ve now come to believe it is primarily a subtle attack on women.
Imagine a woman growing up in such a culture while secretly having such sexual fantasies. She’s practically forced to respond in at least one of three ways:
- Accept that she’s broken beyond repair for some unknown reason
- Speak out against rape in attempt to signal to others and herself that she is “normal” (The SJW)
- Find some other person or event to blame for these “dirty” fantasies she has (The Victim)
Even when we try to help sexual abuse victims, in our naivity, we often do more harm than good. For what do we tell them? “What he did to you was wrong. You are NOT a sex object. You are a wonderful person.”
Yet the real message she receives is “Rape is bad. You’re a disgusting person for fantasizing about being a man’s sexual object. People think that you’re a good person so don’t let them know about these gross fantasies you’re having.”
But is this what the Scripture teaches?
Beastly Passion in the Bible
Consider Proverbs 5:19:
Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe;
let her breasts satisfy thee at all times;
and be thou ravished always with her love.
The scripture compares sexuality to an animal. Most modern translations hide the animal-like passion by saying a “graceful” doe… implying that the woman is to be elegant like some sort of fancy ball from a Jane Austin novel. But the Hebrew word used is chen which literally means to “find favor in the eyes of someone” (e.g. a sexually charged man.)
Dalrock described it well when he said the proverb is “exhorting husbands to approach their wives with the same kind of passion a rutting buck has for a doe.”
“Ravished” is translated from shagah. This is the same word used to describe someone who sins or strays from the right path without knowledge. The idea is that the wife is so irresistible to her husband that the husband literally loses control of himself without even realizing what he is doing, acting purely on instinct like the “rutting buck.”
“Always” is translated from tamiyd. This word is used to describe something that is constantly available. The same word is used to describe the “bread of the Presence” that the Lord commanded Israel to set before him in the tabernacle at all times. The idea is that the woman is available at anytime for her husband to ravish.
When this proverb is explained, it sounds an awful lot like a woman’s “rape fantasy.” It’s closer to a trashy erotic novel than the gentle “relationship-centered” sex found in marriage advice books.
Furthermore, it seems that the key to igniting this sexual passion is less about the man developing seduction skills and more about the woman embracing her fantasy for unbridled, almost rape-like sex.
If this is the case, the man is not responsible for getting his wife “in the mood.” Rather, he is to take responsibility for his wife’s well being by confronting her and showing her from the Scriptures that she has been deceived and needs to embrace her God-given sexuality…even if society says it’s wrong.
The Path to Healing
Yes, rape and sexual abuse is wrong. But not in the way our society tells us. It is not wrong because of the act itself. It is wrong because of the context. When it is done outside of a marriage, it is harmful.
But within the context of a marriage, there is no such thing as rape. As far as I can tell, God only gave us two rules to govern sexual passion:
- Don’t have sex with anyone who’s not your spouse
- Don’t do anything that might put your spouse in the hospital (as a general courtesy)
A woman’s “rape fantasies” are not unscriptural. In fact, they may be closer to the biblical model than anything else. A woman who’s been victimized through sexual abuse (and anti-rape propaganda) will not be healed until she recognizes and embraces her God-given sexual passion.
So if nothing else is working, try this path:
- Show your wife that it’s not demeaning to be a “sex object” (Proverbs 5:19)
- Teach her that there’s nothing wrong with having “rape fantasies”, and even to embrace them within the context of a marriage
- Teach her that what was done to her in the past was wrong, but there’s nothing wrong with her… her supposed “damaged” sexuality is a myth
- Teach her that even if she’s not a “Perfect 10”, that you are still turned on by her body. After all, you married her because you wanted to have sex with her!
- Teach her to take small steps to act out her sexuality towards you. This will drive out fear. (1 John 4:18)
- Remind her of the above truths whenever she falls into old habits and thoughts
A user over on the Red Pill Christians reddit asks the following:
So, how do i find local church community that would be in line with what yall talk about here? Are there any key indicators?
Im so new to it i dont necessarily know how to see through the BPChristian veil yet. Im very familiar with TRP concepts however. Its just coupling it with religion that i dont think i can identify well seeing as im just now reading through the bible.
Im really not a fan of the new age, contemporary mega churches with neverending songs for half the servicde but that seems to be the only thing people under 60 attend anymore, especially if theyre single. I must say i prefer traditional services but hey, supply and demand right?
My guess is that, at least at this time, one will not find a truly red pill church. The quest for the “perfect” church is a vain quest. I’d even argue that it’s divisive: each leader will have different ideas of what the perfect church should look like. This is how church splits happen.
Personally, I attend a reformed church. I disagree with almost all the theology, but I attend for several reasons:
- The preacher doesn’t bash on men from the pulpit
- Social expectation for women to remain faithful to their husbands
- Social expectation for women to focus on the home and children (diminishing, but still there)
- The preacher isn’t narrow-minded and will make an excellent point from time-to-time
- They allow me to stay
The pastor is a classic Delta male, so his marriage advice is mostly useless. But I’d rather have a Delta than a Gamma male occupying the pulpit. Gamma males (in leadership) are the bane of the church. As the Apostle Paul warned:
But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. For some men, straying from these things, have turned aside to fruitless discussion, wanting to be teachers of the Law, even though they do not understand either what they are saying or the matters about which they make confident assertions. (1 Tim 1:5-7)
I have a working hypothesis that it was the influence of a handful of persuasive Gamma males that vilified the male sexual instinct, deified the independent women and plunged the church into theological confusion… but I digress.
Point is, trying to find the “perfect” church is like trying to find the perfect family. Ain’t gonna happen.
Perhaps in the future, when the idolization of women and/or false theology comes to a head… the true believers will be forced to separate and start their own congregations. Until then, just try to find a church that at least gives lip service to biblical gender roles. You can work out the details on your own.
Focus on building your own family first.
P.S. My post the other week titled “This is Why the Church is Dead” triggered quite a discussion on the Red Pill Christian subreddit when Rollo Tomassi dropped the link there. I didn’t expect it to be such a hot button issue, but it brought out some interesting points about what the church is or is not. Check it out here.
The other week I wrote a post summarizing some of the common sex questions Christian wives are privately asking online.
Most of the questions centered around issues of guilt. I thought it’d be fun/useful/provocative to give my answers to each of the questions.
Q: Is using birth control and condoms inside of marriage a sin?
A: No. Do not add to the word of God. “Be fruitful and multiply” does not mean have as many children as you can as fast as humanly possible.
Exception: some forms of birth control destroy life after conception. Sometimes it is difficult to assess the effects of a birth control. Condoms are probably the safest bet in terms of conscience.
Q: Is masturbation a sin?
A: No. Do not add to the word of God.
Q: Is it a sin to have an erotic dream involving another man?
A: No. Do not add to the word of God.
Q: I can’t enjoy sex…
A: Ask her what she is thinking about while she is having sex. Get specifics.
Q: Is it a sin to have sexual thoughts about someone other than my husband?
A: No. Do not add to the word of God.
Exception: It is a sin to covet a man other than your husband. But this is different than fleeting sexual thoughts.
Q: Is it a sin to enjoy reading erotica?
A: No. Otherwise you couldn’t enjoy the Song of Songs.
Q: How can I deal with lusting after hot guys?
A: The modern concept of lust is different from the biblical concept of lust. She is probably just noticing physical features that women instinctively find attractive. But if it truly is sinful lust, the solution is simple: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)
Q: I feel guilty because I privately fantasize about being raped…
A: “Rape” is modern term used to shame both men and women for natural sexual instincts. It is not wrong to have sexual fantasies about being roughly taken by a man. Do not add to the word of God.
Q: Need prayer to heal from the past…
A: Pray. But don’t allow her to continue to identify as a victim. There is (probably) nothing wrong with her physically. It’s all in her head. Help her to focus on positive aspects of sex (like the Song of Songs) rather than negative (like being a sexual abuse victim.)
Q: I have issues with attraction and fantasies towards women…
A: The Bible never condemns women for finding other women sexually attractive. The Song of Songs even encourages it (Song 6:13).