The way I see it, a woman is always in one of three states.
The “good girl” state means she’s being pleasant, feminine, and even flirtatious. This is the “loving doe” state that every man desires of his woman.
The “bad girl” state means she is being defiant. She is not submitting to your headship and is generally making life difficult.
The “sad girl” state means she has the “bad feelz.” She is hung up on some detail that causes her to forget how good her life really is. If not handled properly, a “sad girl” can often turn into a “bad girl.”
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that sex is always the proper resolution to any state a woman is in. If a man can master each of these frames, he will master his woman.
Below, I’ve given a basic outline of each type of sex in the form of three dialogues, one for each state. For clarity, I’ve stripped out all the nuances. It’s written as if the man and woman simply spoke in logical propositions. In addition to being kinda humorous, I hope it will make the escalation process clear.
Good Girl Sex
You: “See how much better I am than other guys? You want to nurture my seed, don’t you?”
Her: “Yes I do. Let me do something sexy to win your attention.”
You: “That’s a good girl. Let’s talk about sex.”
Her: “Yes. I like this. Kiss me.”
You: “Now it is time for action. You will assume a submissive position of my choosing.”
Her: “Yes, sir.”
You: “This is what you’re going to think about while I fuck you.”
Her: “Yes, sir.”
You: “Let me check your fluids and make sure you’re ready.”
Her: “I am ready.”
You: “I’m going to use your body entirely for my pleasure like an animal. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
Her: “Yes, sir.”
You: “I’m losing control of myself now.”
Her: “Oh, yes!”
Repeat ad infinitum. Mask the obvious with clever variations. Use physical “force” when appropriate.
Bad Girl Sex
Her: “I’m being defiant and bossy for no apparent reason.”
You: “Is this the kind of person you want to be? I’m disappointed that you would treat your own husband this way. We can talk after you’ve changed your attitude.”
Her: “I’m sorry.”
You: “Show me.”
Her: “Yes, sir.”
You: “That’s a good girl. Now get on the bed. I need to teach you a lesson so you remember who’s in charge.”
Her: “Yes, sir.”
You: “This is what you needed, isn’t it? You gonna be a good girl for me now?”
Her: “Oh, yes!”
Sad Girl Sex
Her: “I’m sad for some silly reason.”
You: “I know. But you don’t need to worry because I love you. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.”
Her: “OK… Your hands feel so good.”
You: “Yes. Just focus on happy things.”
Her: “I am happy. Kiss me.”
You: “You know that I love you, don’t you?”
You: “Now let me love all of you.”
Her: “Yes. Give me more… more… more…”
You: “My inner beast is coming out now.”
Her: “Oh, yes!”
If your encounters with your wife aren’t resolving as you wish them to, hopefully these little dialogues will reveal the sticking point. Start by simply being aware of which of the three states she is in throughout the day. Then imagine how it should resolve if you knew what to do.
After awareness, you can pinpoint the skills and tactics you need to bring her closer and closer to the proper resolution on a regular basis.
Amidst his asshole philosophizing, the Chateau Heartiste drops another nugget of wisdom… or rather his reader “Hawk” did:
Betas acknowledge the girl’s charms prior to her acting to please, alphas do so afterwards.
Unless your wife is doing any of the following…
- Showing cleavage
- Wearing tight clothing or fashionable clothes with high heels
- Working out
- Wearing sexy lingerie or nothing at all
- Cheerfully performing her domestic duties
- Being happy and flirtatious
- Giving you head
…then it’s probably counter-productive to tell her she’s “beautiful” or “sexy.”
Saw a popular question on a Christian men’s forum where the guy asks:
How do you, as a Christian man, handle being disrespected?
Well, the standard alpha male response would be “I don’t take no shit from nobody” and you make sure you get the respect you deserve.
But biblical masculinity does not equal alpha male.
I think there’s two ways a Christian man can err when he’s disrespected… by his wife or anyone else.
The first error is the classic alpha response. You feel offended that someone isn’t acknowledging your authority so you lash back. But this behavior is really more about protecting your fragile ego than being masculine.
When I was first trying to be more alpha, I began to be more aware of ways my wife would disrespect me. Since I knew this was not good, I would tell her things like “don’t talk like that to me” or point out how she wasn’t submitting. I think a lot of freshly red pilled guys do stuff like this as an attempt to assert themselves.
But I’ve come to believe this is an ineffective strategy. It comes across as needy and, in my experience, it only made her irritated.
On the other hand, the other mistake is to not say anything at all when a subordinate is disrespecting you. We all know at least a few “pussy whipped” husbands who just let their wives walk all over them. It’s painful to watch.
So what’s the solution? How can we avoid becoming either a fragile alpha man-boy on the one hand or a pussy-whipped mangina on the other hand?
I’ve found the best solution is to administer controlled doses of ethical shaming.
You never want to get defensive. You don’t want to tell her to “stop that” in a needy way. But you do want to get her to stop and reflect upon her behavior.
There is no greater example on how to do this than God himself. Take this great example from the opening of Isaiah where God rebukes his rebellious people (i.e. his bride):
“Children have I reared and brought up, but they have rebelled against me. The ox knows its owner, and the donkey its master’s crib, but Israel does not know, my people do not understand.”
Obviously, you don’t need to use such dramatic language (unless you’re going for comedic effect.) But you can use the same strategy.
Notice how He emphasizes the relationship first and His faithfulness to that relationship. Then He contrasts that with Israel’s rebellious behavior. Finally, He acts shocked that His own people would not understand.
The next time your wife starts giving you crap, try reminding her how you give up most of your waking hours to provide her with a comfortable life and are literally sacrificing your health for her sake.
Remind her how you’ve been faithful to her and your children all these years. Then calmly tell her that you’re shocked that your own wife (who should know better) is treating you with such animosity. Tell her that maybe she just doesn’t understand how much you love her. Then tell her you’ll speak to her when she’s changed her attitude and calmly walk away.
That’ll get her thinking.
As a husband and a father you are representing God. Might as well learn to start imitating Him.
I’m actually serious. Studying Donald Trump could help your marriage.
Let me explain.
One of the primary ways a woman will attempt to control her man is by asking for details that will either make the man look bad or derail his plans.
“Wow. Isn’t this [expensive item] the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen?”
“Our daughter is slower than the other kids. I’m worried. What should we do?”
“What did you do while I was gone?”
“What are you thinking?”
“When are you going to take care of this?”
…and so on.
Don’t be fooled by the simplicity of her questions. This is a battle for frame control. Whether she realizes it or not, she is attempting to sabotage your mission by shifting attention away from the goal to a troubling or irrelevant detail.
The way to deal with these questions is by using the Trump Question Dodge. You want to bring the attention away from the facts and onto the relationship behind the facts.
Almost any interview of his is good to watch. But here’s a short one (1 min):
Notice how every time the interviewer tries to get details, Trump immediately changes the focus to the relationship. “This is an un-Republican thing to say.” “I’m going to take care of everybody.” “People are going to be able to go out and negotiate great plans…”
The reason this works so well is because humans are incapable of thinking an analytical thought and a big picture thought (like a relationship) at the same time. Focus on the relationship and the details will be forgotten.
So here’s how it applies to marriage:
Normally, when a women is in analytical mode, she will gravitate towards details that cause her to worry. Your job is to “flip her switch” from focusing on the cold hard facts to the warm and fuzzy relationship. Relationships are always more interesting to women.
Here’s a few examples of fact (F) vs. relationship (R) responses:
F: We can’t afford that.
R: We need the money for something I think you’ll like better.
F: Our daughter got a bad grade.
R: Luckily, she has a good mom who can help her. That’s more important than academic success.
F: I’ve been playing video games.
R: I’ve been unwinding so I can have energy to something fun with the family later.
F: I wasn’t thinking about anything.
R: Well, right now I’m thinking about doing something with you… but it’s not appropriate to say in front of the kids.
F: I’ll do it later.
R: Right after I finish my homework, Mom! [humorously]
Whenever you sense that she is focusing on the wrong details, follow this two-step procedure:
- Acknowledge the facts in a high-level way (i.e. don’t analyze)
- Make a comment about the relationship involved
You don’t have to make your claims as grandiose as Trump, but you can use the same strategy when dealing with your wife. Control the frame, control her happiness.
Blackdragon gives a good lesson on frame control:
When my children were little, when they were misbehaving, their mother did it the standard, Alpha Male 1.0 method of commanding. She would say something like, “Clean up your mess!”
Invariably, my kids, being kids, would not clean up their mess, or would not clean it up fast enough, resulting in a mom-on-kid argument and repeated commands.
I never did that. I don’t do drama, since I don’t do unhappiness. So I raised my kids the Alpha 2.0 way. Instead of saying “Clean up your mess!” which is telling someone what to do, I would say, in a calm tone of voice, “See the clock? Good. If this mess is not cleaned up in 20 minutes, you’re going to your room for three hours with no Nintendo. Now feel free to do whatever you want.”
Result: Within 20 minutes the mess would be cleaned up, virtually every time.
Their mom argued with my kids all the time. I almost never had to.
It works the same way with women. Instead of the Alpha 1.0 frame of “You must do what I say!” my frame is, “You can do literally whatever you want, and I’ll never tell you what to do, because you can’t ever tell me what to do. But, since my time is finite, if you do something I don’t like, I’m going to spend my time with someone else.”
Biblically, you can tell your wife to do something and she should comply. But that doesn’t mean it’s always good idea. She’ll put up a fuss and life will be difficult.
Often times it’s more effective to give her a choice and a consequence. For instance…
“You can buy that if you want but then that’s all we can afford for the next three months.”
“You can stay up and watch more Downton Abby if you want, but you’re going to feel miserable in the morning.”
“You can get a burger and fries if you want, but you know how it makes you feel afterwards.”
“You can be mad at me if you want, but I’m not going to talk to you until you calm down.”
“You can make that if you want, but you know I’m not going to eat it.”
The key is to give her a choice, but frame it in such a way where she’d feel like a loser for making the wrong choice. If she accuses you of manipulation, say “Yes it is. But it’s for your own good.” Then don’t cave in about reinforcing consequences. Soon enough she won’t want to make any decisions without seeking your blessing.
Ideally, the only time you should ever have to give your wife commands is when she is ready to receive her “conjugal rights.”
Hunter Drew over at the Family Alpha has a great tip for how to respond to the “how was your day at work?” routine:
You need to be the man with the plan, whether you’re the boss or not it makes no difference. How you carry yourself and how you present your work to your wife is all that matters. If you can make her feel as though you’ve got it going on at work, you’re golden.
If you are just a worker in a cube, be the best fucking worker in that cube. If all you do all day is surf reddit, you don’t tell your wife that. You tell her how you managed the funds of whatever, coordinated that strategic implementation of whatever, or how you had to run your team of 5 guys to accomplish what the fuck ever.
It’s worth taking a couple minutes each day to figure out how to spin your workday into a tale of personal conquest. She doesn’t want to know how difficult your day was. She wants a leader, not a whiner.
The following is better marriage advice than you’ll get from any pastor or marriage counselor:
The reality is that women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently. It’s just easier this way for everyone…
I realize I might take some heat for lumping women, children and the mentally handicapped in the same group. So I want to be perfectly clear. I’m not saying women are similar to either group. I’m saying that a man’s best strategy for dealing with each group is disturbingly similar.
This quote comes from humorist Scott Adams (of Dilbert fame). In context, Adams is entertaining his audience by poking fun at the men’s rights movement, telling them to “get over it, you bunch of pussies.”
It does a man no good to complain about a woman’s behavior or try to argue with her. It truly is more effective to treat her like a child.
While this mindset sounds offensive, the result is actually that women get what they want. For example…
You don’t try to rationally explain to a child why there’s no reason to worry. You give her a hug and say “it’s okay sweetie. Daddy will protect you.”
You don’t allow a child to speak disrespectfully towards you. You sternly rebuke her, then praise her for being a “good girl” when she changes her behavior.
You don’t bother a child with the “grown up” things that you’re worried about. You just take care of it.
You tell her how proud you are to see her working hard.
You give her an allowance to buy what she wants.
You play silly games with her.
You tease her for her silly behavior.
Last time I checked, this is what women call “happiness.”
While it sounds offensive on the outset, treating your wife like a child is the simplest way to both keep her happy and maintain the dominant frame in the relationship. Frame control is Level 1 of the marriage game.
Here’s a great tip for dealing with a distressed woman:
I picked up this handy trick while listening to the Black Philip Show (very raunchy show, but a lot of great practical psychology lessons).
Whenever your wife is working herself up into a frenzy, or if you sense an ulterior motive, or if anything just doesn’t sit right with your gut when she’s talking to you…
There’s a very simple way to stop her tracks.
Just ask her “why?”
This simple tactic can come in useful in a wide variety of situations. For example:
“You should do the lawn today.” (Why not tomorrow?)
“What are you thinking about?” (Nothing. Why?)
“Does this dress make me look fat?” (Why do you want to know? [with a smirk])
“I can’t! I have to do X, Y and Z today.” (Why do you have to that today? Or at all?)
“But this is how we always do it!” (Why does that mean we have to keep doing it that way?)
“I would NEVER do that!” (Why not?)
“Ooh… can we buy this? It’s 50% off!” (Why do we need that?)
Freaking out over a minor issue. (Why is this worrying you?)
“We should go out today.” (Why?)
You’ll have to experiment to find the right tone that works for you. Eventually, you’ll develop an intuitive sense when to use playful vs. stern, sympathetic vs. disapproving, etc.
More often than not, she will not have a good answer and will feel embarrassed (a desirable state to create sexual tension.)
But even if she does have an answer, you can often lead her to recognize the root of the problem by asking her follow up “why” questions. Just be sure to vary your wording so you don’t sound like an annoying two-year old 😉
This is a brilliant display of masculine dominance. Watch and learn.
The context is that blogger Vox Day is being slandered on social media platform Gab. Most people in his situation would either ignore the attacks or play the victim card.
Instead, Vox plays the dominant male perfectly:
Again, I will point out that it is not my intent to harm Gab. We are not requesting any damages from Gab and we do not anticipate any further legal action against them once we obtain the requested information about the parties responsible. As a number of VFM and Dread Ilk have noted, I am handling Gab with kid gloves, in part because they are young and inexperienced and they do not appear be receiving appropriate legal counsel. But I have made it very, very clear that the defamatory attacks on me are going to be removed, one way or another, and as always, I am not bluffing.
It’s subtle, but note the sub-message sent to the recipient:
- “I’m still on your side.”
- “I have control of my emotions. I’m not vengeful.”
- “You are going to submit to my request.”
- “I could hurt you if I wanted too…”
- “But I’m going to be gentle with you…”
- “Because you are naive.”
- “I have given you fair warning.”
- “You are going to stop this unacceptable behavior.”
- “I will use as much force as necessary to get your compliance.”
- “I never bluff about this sort of thing.”
Talk this way to a man and it will either anger or humiliate him. But tell a woman you’re going to “handle her with kid gloves” because of her “inexperience” and it will inspire quite a different reaction.
I don’t know how Vox Day talks to his wife. But if it’s anything like this, I imagine his wife is a happy woman.