I was saddened,, though admittedly not surprised, to see the following article published on the CCEF (Christian Counseling and Education Foundation) blog:
Sexual Abuse in Marriage
The title alone should be a red flag to those with an advanced understanding of the red pill.
I was saddened because the (now deceased) founder of the institute, Jay Adams, did a lot of great work for the Church. He was the pioneering voice that helped spark a revival of biblical counseling at a time when people assumed the Bible had no relevance to people’s personal problems.
One of the key ways that Satan infiltrated the Church in modern times was to trick pastors into believing that mental and emotional problems were best handled by “qualified” secular psychiatrists. This meant that pastors could provide abstract “spiritual” guidance, but practical problems were best left to outsiders. Apparently the Enemy was fine with leaving the church to teach theology and share inspirational Bible stories… so long as he had influence over the practical matters like sex, relationships, abuse, anxiety, finances, and all the other personal problems.
But Jay Adams boldly stood against all this nonsense back in the 1960s. The Lord blessed his work and it turned into a movement.
And now feminism is ruining it.
I’ve provided a commentary below on some relevant excerpts for those who are interested. This is how today’s Biblical Counselors, who genunely want to help people change by applying God’s Word, are going to be taught to deal with marriages. [Emphasis mine.]
Though the recent #metoo movement has revealed the prevalence with which people are violated sexually, my heart remains heavy for wives who are victims of marital sexual abuse. Their stories remain untold, and I am concerned that many pastors and counselors are unaware of its occurrence. I hear many stories (too many stories) of women being abused, violated or even raped by their husbands.
“Abuse” is a vague concept. What’s going on in these “many stories”? Is he punching her in the face? Pulling a gun on her? Keeping her in a cage? Given the timidness of most Christian men today, I find this doubtful. Also, a husband cannot “violate” or “rape” his own wife. Here’s the common definition of rape:
Sexual abuse in marriage occurs when husbands make demands on their wives that are not based on love .¹ These demands for sex are not sanctioned by 1 Corinthians 7:3-5,² though the passage is often used as a goad to require a wife’s compliance. To be clear, the men who do this are troubled themselves. They usually have deep-seated problems including a weak or non-existent relationship with God and an inflated sense of entitlement. They believe that other people (including their wives) exist for them—for their comfort and to meet their needs, including sexual ones. When their wives fail to respond as desired, it often results in a pattern of coercive and punishing behaviors designed to force their compliance.³
Having sex with your wife is part of love (Ex 21:10), so this reasoning doesn’t make any sense. And wives do, in fact, exist to help her husband, including meeting his sexual needs (Gen 2). And if your wife has some repressed submissive desires, establishing “a pattern of coercive and punishing behaviors designed to force [her] compliance” might actually be the best thing you can try for your marriage.
The author then lists some examples that are indeed unloving, or at least are stupid strategies for getting sex with a woman. But judging by the dishonest start to the article, I doubt these scenarios are as common as she’d like us to believe.
Marriage does not equal consent. It does not obligate spouses to participate in any sexual act at any time. But devastatingly, many Christian women have come to believe that sex-on-demand is their “wifely duty.”
Actually, this is exactly what the Scriptures do NOT say (1 Cor 7:5).
Those suffering from these distorted, abusive demands should not be left questioning what God says about such evils. The Apostle Paul speaks clearly here. “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming” (Col. 3:5-6). Paul is calling on us to eradicate all sexual sin that stands against our identity in Christ—any sexual impurity. He is not setting a low bar here and saying “just don’t cheat on your spouses.” He is saying: Wipe out all sexual covetousness—all your greedy taking—for all sexual impurities deserve the wrath of God.
The author claims to have a “Master of Divinity” degree from Westminister Theological Seminary. But apparently they don’t cover reading comprehension in that program or how to use a Greek lexicon or concordance.
- sexual immorality (porneia): a “selling off” of one’s body (as in prostitution and other promiscuous sex)
- impurity (akathartos): being not pure because of a mixture; being adulterated with a “wrong mix” and hence unclean (such as keeping company with sexually immoral people)
- passion (pathos): raw and depraved strong feelings (implicitly, feelings that are not guided by God)
- evil desire (epithymian kakos): a passion to do evil, rotten things
- covetousness (pleonexia): the desire for more things; a desire for beyond what is needed; implies fraud and extortion
I have a hard time believing that any of these terms could possibly apply to “demanding” sex from your wife. The worst it could be is a poor sexual strategy executed by a sex-starved beta husband.