The Yearnings of the Heart

Logic and propositions, a happy woman doth not make.

The most direct way to a woman’s heart is through emotions. This is why, if you pay attention, you’ll learn more about influencing a woman through song lyrics than anything you’ll read online.

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I’ll ever ask of you
You’ve got to promise not to stop when I say when

-Foo Fighters, “Everlong”

There’s a reason that chicks dig singer-songwriters. They get it.

Keep it vague. Speak of good feelings that were lost that she longs to recover again. The less facts and thinking involved, the better.

 

A 3-Step Scheme for Success in Any Endeavor

While reading Napoleon Hill’s classic success manual, The Law of Success, I was able to tease out a simple and intuitive scheme for personal success.

  1. Use your imagination to decide what you want
  2. Correct your weaknesses that might prevent from obtaining what you desire
  3. Skillfully and tactfully induce others to cooperate

Or, in short:

  1. Decide
  2. Correct
  3. Induce

Here’s an example how it applies to the topic of this blog:

First, you must tap into your inner fantasy. What do you want your marriage and sex life to look like? Become resolute in your conscience that what you want is both allowable by God and good to pursue. Then decide (rather than wish) that you will pursue it.

Second, correct your character deficiencies that will prevent you from achieving your aim. Eliminate your anti-seductive qualities and increase your testosterone.

Third, skillfully induce your wife to embrace your fantasy in such a way where your desires and her desires merge in perfect harmony. In other words, learn the art of seduction.

Most men sort of half-ass their time on Step 1 by watching pornography. But there’s a big difference between wishing you had something and truly desiring it. A wish focuses on what you’re missing and tends to lead to self-pity. A desire focuses on what you want to obtain and leads to action.

Once you know what you want and prepare yourself to get it, the majority of your life will be spent inducing cooperation from others.

Risk-Taking as Love

I had an epiphany while reading the introduction of Nassim Nicholas Taleb’s latest book, Skin in the Game.

Taleb defines three categories of risk:

No Skin in the Game – keeps the upside, transfers downside to others, owns a hidden option at someone else’s expense (e.g. bureaucrats, policy wonks)

Skin in the Game – keeps his own downside, takes his or her own risk (e.g. citizens)

Skin in the Game of Others, or Soul in the Game – takes the downside on behalf of others, or for universal values (e.g. saints, knights, warriors, soldiers)

To have “skin in the game of others” is to love someone sacrificially. You are taking a risk and absorbing the consequence on another’s behalf. Sound familiar?

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her

Churchians have twisted this passage to mean that husbands are called to be a servant to his wife. After all, if you’re working hard doing things for someone else, you must be sacrificing, right?

But a servant cannot love his master like Christ loved the church. The master bears the consequences of his own risks. I think the passage can be better paraphrased as follows:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and took a risk for her, taking the downside on himself while sharing the upside with her.

Common examples of this include:

Enduring constant rejection, failure, and criticism while attempting to start a business or move into a better career. The man bears the downside. The woman shares the spoils if he is victorious.

Making the decision to make a lifestyle change that breaks from the status quo and better conforms to what the family wants. He’s seen as the irresponsible jerk dragging his poor wife into misery. She enjoys the benefits of a lifestyle she’d be too afraid to start on her own.

Being the “jerk” that sets necessary boundaries with intrusive friends or family. He risks his reputation so that she can be protected.

Standing up for truth when it is unpopular. The man bears the brunt of the attacks. The woman is still treated kindly in most cases.

Allowing his reputation to be maligned when others assume her unhappiness is his fault. In reality, he has stuck with her because he cares enough about her ultimate happiness to endure years of man-hating rhetoric just for the chance to see her smile.

Being a loving husband is NOT about doing chores or being chivalrous. Being a loving husband is about taking the necessary risks that she is too afraid or unable to take herself. And you protect her from the downside of those risks by taking it upon yourself.

I Eat My Own Turtles

A cautionary tale about taking advice:

It was said that a group of fishermen caught a large number of turtles. After cooking them, they found out at the communal meal that these sea animals were much less edible that they thought: not many members of the group were willing to eat them. But Mercury happened to be passing by –Mercury was the most multitasking, sort of put-together god, as he was the boss of commerce, abundance, messengers, the underworld, as well as the patron of thieves and brigands and, not surprisingly, luck. The group invited him to join them and offered him the turtles to eat. Detecting that he was only invited to relieve them of the unwanted food, he forced them all to eat the turtles, thus establishing the principle that you need to eat what you feed others.

-Nicholas Nassim Taleb (“Why Each One Should Eat His Own Turtles“)

In terms of sex advice: if something doesn’t work for you, don’t try to pawn it off on unsuspecting young men.

Or the inverse: don’t take sex advice from someone who has an overweight or nagging wife. He’s probably getting less sex than you and is just trying to pass off an ineffective strategy to justify his own ego investment.

One of the big problems with sex advice is that, if the advice is bad, there is no harm to the advice-giver while the receiver of the advice gets screwed (figuratively, that is.)

If somebody, say a pastor, espouses bad sex advice from the pulpit or in a private counseling session, what can a man do? I’m still waiting to see the following headline:

Local Man Sues Pastor for Misleading Sex Advice After Receiving Only 1 Handjob a Month for 2 Years Straight

Yeah, probably not going to happen. No man wants to admit how little sex he’s having. And, even if he did, there’s no way to definitively prove that following a specific bit of advice was the cause.

Hence the reason that pastors can get away with virtue signaling about “servant leadership” from the pulpit without fear of consequence for bad advice. Meanwhile, well-intentioned husbands bear the full burden of bad advice in private.

Or let’s say an anonymous writer gives sex advice on his blog. What are the consequences to him if he espouses bad advice?

Again, nothing.

I have no “skin in the game” of your sex life. (That would be weird.)

If you fail to get laid, the burden falls on you and you alone.

All I can do for you is shine the light on what the Scripture says about sex, try to provide some perspective on married life, and point you to the resources and methods that I’m currently using.

The burden falls upon you to figure out what works.

But rest assured, I eat my own turtles.

 

The Fundamental Flaw of the Christian Red Pill Movement

Dalrock has done the church a great service by exposing the feminist narrative that has infiltrated the church.

Unfortunately, intentionally or not, he has also facilitated an equally demotivating paradigm. This tends to happen in reactionary movements.

Here’s a comparison:

The Churchian Story

  1. She is unhappy.
  2. She is sacrificing for the family. He is not helping out enough around the home.
  3. She feels neglected. She doesn’t want sex because she doesn’t feel loved.
  4. She discovers he is looking at pornography.
  5. He realizes he has been a bad husband.
  6. He agrees to “man up” and become a better “servant leader.”
  7. She’s still unhappy. He gives up on the program.
  8. He goes back to looking at porn. She has an affair.
  9. She files for divorce.
  10. She concludes her ex-husband broke the marriage bond first by committing adultery (lust / pornography).
  11. He concludes that his “sexual sin” drove away a good woman and tore apart his family.
  12. He passes this story on to other men. He warns them: “Don’t be a failure like I was.”

Core Worldview:

  • Women understand the relationship needs better than men.
  • All men struggle with lust, but they must fight against it.

The Dalrock Fanboy Story

  1. You are unhappy.
  2. She is cold and frigid.
  3. You face a heavy burden of leadership.
  4. You realize that she is sinning by not submitting to you.
  5. You tell her the Bible says she needs to submit.
  6. She does not submit.
  7. You conclude she is, by fundamental nature, opposed to your will.
  8. You learn a few “game” techniques to cope with her unpleasantness.
  9. You take comfort knowing other men face the same struggles. You privately feed off the undercurrent of bitter cynicism towards the sins of women.

Core Worldview:

  • Man is called to lead; women are called to submit.
  • Woman’s sinful nature prevents her from submitting.

This story is closer to the truth, but it cannot lead to victory. There is a third paradigm…

The Kingdom Story

  1. You are both unhappy.
  2. You have constant conflicts.
  3. She is rebellious. You feel like a failure.
  4. The sex dries up.
  5. You realize that the serpent has deceived your woman.
  6. You use your skill and strength to destroy the serpent’s work.
  7. You reclaim your kingdom.
  8. You become a king fit to rule in God’s kingdom.
  9. She becomes radiant and obtains imperishable beauty as she devotes herself to her savior-king.
  10. You live happily ever after (in bed).

Core Worldview:

  • Women are malleable and submit to the one who conquers.
  • Satan is crafty and has dethroned us and captured our women.

Think carefully on which paradigm you’re operating under. Where does the story end?

Are you choosing the story that leads to victory? Or are you protecting your own ego?

The prize belongs to the one who conquers.

The King’s Sex Kitten

Probably won’t hear this one in a Sunday morning sermon.

As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love.

-Proverbs 5:19

The “loving deer” and “graceful doe” is probably synonymous with the gazelle referenced in the Song of Solomon. If so, it’d be referring to the dorcas gazelle. As Pastor Ted Vinatieri explains:

The reference is to the dorcus gazelle, an animal about two feet high at the shoulders, and a marvel of lightness, beauty, and grace. The gentle beauty of its eyes was proverbial. The attractiveness of the gazelle invited petting and affectionate touching. One of the most common associations with the gazelle was that it was a delicacy served at Solomon’s table (1 Kings 4:23). They are delicious to eat. As gazelles were warm and affectionate, so was the beloved as a sexual partner.

In other words: cute, petite, and good to eat.

Dorcas gazelle.

Dorcas gazelle. Image source: Wikipedia.

Probably the closest reference we have in our culture is a “sex kitten” or a “bunny.”

Now combine that image with the phrase “always be enraptured” and you get quite a provocative fantasy.

“Be enraptured” (shagah) means to go astray or err; to lose control of oneself as if drunk.

“Always” (tamid) means an unbroken continuity. The word was frequently used to describe offerings that were to be burned or placed continually before the Lord. For example, the showbread that was to be placed on the table before the Lord always (Exodus 25:30), or the lamp that was to continually burn olive oil in the court of the tabernacle (Exodus 27:20).

So the man has a cute little “sex kitten” who’s body is available at any time for him to feast upon in a drunken passion of ecstasy.

Most Christians would believe a fantasy like that would only happen in pornography. In fact, they’d say the core problem of pornography is that it portrays this very fantasy. But there it is in the Holy Word of God.

Of course, one can’t simply expect this fantasy to occur on instant demand. It takes work to get there. That’s why I put together a plan.

 

Men vs. Women: A Reminder

Unfortunately, we need to be reminded…

Women wait and hope to be delivered from an undesirable situation.
Men change their situation through willpower.

Women make themselves attractive and hope to get noticed.
Men use aggression and ability to outperform other men.

Women wait for permission to act on sexual instincts.
Men unashamedly pursue their sexual instincts.

Women need security and safety.
Men need victory and challenge.

Women plunder and enjoy the spoils of a man’s conquest.
Men take risks to enlarge their dominion.

Women talk about how they feel.
Men make decisions and take decisive action.

Whether it is shameful for a woman to act masculine depends on the context. But it is always shameful for a man to act like a woman. Don’t take advice from anyone who shames your masculine instincts.

Don’t apologize for being a man.

Why Can’t We Trust Women?

I’ve written this before, but it’s worth clarifying:

Women are easily deceived. A man should not trust a woman for advice.

On the surface, this might sound like asshole posturing, but I mean it as a simple statement of fact.

Women are malleable and submit to authority. What they advise is not a result of strategic thinking or careful analysis. Rather, they are restating what an authority told her. Women are valuable as communicators and connectors. But they will spread whatever narrative they perceive to be most authoritative. But, as a man ought to know, authority can be faked and women can be tricked.

man should not trust a woman for advice. But a woman can advise other women or children just fine.

A man should not trust a woman for advice. He shouldn’t accept her advice simply on the basis of who she is. He can consider it on it’s own merit and, if necessary, ignore it.

A man should not trust a woman for advice. A woman’s perspective can be valuable. But advice has to do with navigating through life and making strategic decisions about how to advance one’s dominion. Women value safety and security over risk and victory. Her advice will lead to poverty and defeat if followed through to it’s full course.

New Feature: Ask Me Anything (Anonymously)

Due to the sensitive nature of this blog’s topic, I thought it would be useful to have an anonymous “ask me anything” form.

If you any of you are facing a frustrating problem but don’t wish to reveal your identity, this is the place to ask. Your question will be posted anonymously below after I answer it. Not even I will know your identity.

Your question is saved and will appear when it is answered.

Answers So Far..

  • Someone asked:
    test question
    • JT replied:
      Test answer.
AMA by Million Clues!