If you’re a married man, and would like to experience the joys of marriage and sex as God intended …by igniting your wife’s inner desire to please you as her man… then this blog will show you how.
I started this blog out of necessity. I needed a creative outlet to help work out my thoughts on a sexual strategy for married Christian men. I knew this was an area of wisdom woefully lacking in the modern church.
As I delved deeper into understanding biblical sexuality and the female psyche, I was pleasantly surprised to learn how compatible the innermost desires of men and women were. As Scripture puts it, “the woman was created for the man.”
There is nothing wrong with our biology.
The trouble comes from the cultural pressure on both men and women to act against our instincts. This pressure can be so great, that we can even go as far as calling our sexual instincts “sin.”
When I tried to share my findings with family and friends via Facebook, I soon learned I would bring on a lifetime of harassment for myself and great anxiety for my wife if I were to continue to write about such things.
Nowadays, if anything is written or spoken in a masculine tone or male-centered perspective, the author or speaker and his family (not the argument itself) are attacked.
Rather than choose between remaining silent or bringing about unnecessary persecution for my family, I have decided to assume a pen name. Until we can discuss these matters openly in the church, I’m afraid that’s how it has to be.
Unfortunately, nearly every institution today pressures men to remain silent and suppress his true masculine instincts.
This is why it’s nearly impossible for
sexually frustrated men to find godly help today.
Consider the typical sexual lifespan of the modern Christian man:
First, he dates a young woman for an extended period of time. He wants to have sex with her, but he is told he must wait and “get to know her first.” Over the next 6 months or even several years, he pours all his effort into proving to her that he is a worthy man and “not like other guys.”
Meanwhile, the frequent physical proximity to the woman sends his sexual desire into overdrive. If he has not done so already, he will likely begin watching porn and/or masturbating to “take off the edge.”
But he is taught that viewing pornography is the equivalent of adultery… a sin punishable by eternity in hell. Perhaps he is even taught that masturbation or even having sexual thoughts about a woman he is not married to is a sin.
It seems to him that he was destined to be a sinner by instinct. His only hope is to get married so he can finally release his “out of control” passions in a way that is not sinful.
Or perhaps he decides, if he’s unable to overcome his sin anyways, he might as well go all the way and have pre-marital sex. Either way, he feels he desperately needs to get married.
Finally, she says “yes.” After delaying yet another year, the finally marriage comes. At last, he will be able to have biblically-condoned sex! He can hardly wait for the honeymoon. Perhaps for the first time in many years, he feels joy.
The honeymoon comes and hallelujah! sweet release at last. Perhaps the sex is a little awkward at first, but he’s getting used to it. She is sexually eager and willing to try things.
But soon after, the marital bliss begins to fade.
She gradually stops doing the things she was willing to do in the newlywed phase. She no longer seems interested in sex. She worries about money and begins to criticize all his decisions. Suddenly, the things she thought was so “cool” about him become the very targets of her criticism.
She complains that he doesn’t take her on dates anymore. She complains that he’s not making enough money. She complains that he doesn’t help around the house enough. She complains that he plays too many video games. In fact, it seems that no matter what he does, it’s never right.
Meanwhile, his sexual life has dried up. As a man, he feels horny almost every day. But she only wants sex once in a while when she’s “in the mood.”
If he’s lucky, perhaps he gets routine sex on a weekly basis. She passively lies there while he gingerly pumps away… not wanting to overstay his welcome. He tries to be grateful that she is “letting him” find release.
She figures this is sufficient to keep him from sexual sin.
He can’t help but feel somewhat dissatisfied with his sex life. Perhaps even a little cheated. He thought marriage would finally be the time he could finally let loose his sexual passion.
Instead, he still has to dam up his energy
while he continues to struggle with “lust.”
Oh, and now he’s got an unhappy wife to deal with in addition to all the problems he had as a single man.
But he concludes that these frustrations must be a result of his own selfishness.
The impression he gets from the pulpit is that he should be “content” with whatever his wife is willing to give him. He shouldn’t be selfish by putting any pressure on her.
Women, he is told, understand relationships better than men. He needs to step up to the plate and win back his wife’s heart. He needs to sacrifice more, just like Christ did for the church, he is told.
So he grits his teeth and tries to “man up.” He goes to men’s retreats, reads marriage books, signs up for marriage counseling, tries to get help with his lust problem, joins an accountability group… whatever it takes.
He’s going to become a better husband and a better man. He’s going to put in the work needed to have a healthy marriage and a happy wife.
And maybe, if he’s earned it, he’ll get a little more action in the bedroom.
But there’s just one problem with this story:
It doesn’t work!
No matter how hard you try to obey the Sunday marriage sermons, no matter how many marriage books you read or counseling sessions you sit through…
She will still be unhappy…
I experienced this in my own marriage for several years before I discovered the strategies I share on this blog.
Many men suffer in silence for years or even decades with an unhappy, sexually cold wife.
But where can you turn to for help?
Your pastor? Your parents? Your professor? A counselor?
You already know what they’d say if you spoke bluntly about your frustrations.
With the traditional institutions being devoid of any help for today’s frustrated married man, many men have been forced to turn to the internet for answers to this most fundamental problem.
Through a loose alliance of blogs, collectively known as the “red pill philosophy,” “game,” or the “manosphere”, the truth has been reaching thousands of men (and women) that, at the least, our current female-centered worldview is making both men and women miserable.
While I appreciated the insights I learned from these blogs, I felt that there was still nothing to show the married Christian man what he could actually do about the problem on a day-to-day basis.
In other words…
How does a man actually “win” at the game of marriage…
and enjoy playing the game?
This blog is for married Christian men who are dissatisfied with the impotent marriage advice dished out from the modern pulpit.
This blog is about how to subdue your wife… and have fun doing it… for your sanity and her happiness.
It’s not just about “getting laid” (though that is a fun part of the process). It’s about learning to enjoy all of marriage.. inside and outside the bedroom.
It’s about helping your wife explore and embrace her sensuality. It’s about molding her into your crown of glory… the crown of your conquest… the most excellent of all women in your eyes.
In other words, it’s about living out God’s design for marriage:
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
Unlike typical marriage advice which teaches men to bend over backwards to earn the affection of his wife…
I have the opposite strategy:
You are going to tap into her God-given desire to please and be desirable… and channel that desire onto your “manhood” and wherever else you see fit to direct her attention to.
Sex is no longer her reward to you,
it’s your reward to her.
Submission is no longer something she has to struggle to rationalize in her head… she feels it in her loins first, then you help justify it in her head.
I think this is a much more sensible approach to marriage. It’s better aligned with nature and Scripture.
This blog is a work in progress. I certainly don’t have all the answers. And even if I did, the tactics that work for me won’t necessarily work for you. Every woman is a unique challenge. Every man has different strengths.
But I can help you understand and enjoy the game you’re playing. I can show you how to apply proven principles to analyze your own wife and help channel her natural desires onto good things.
I hope this blog will help both you and your wife find happiness.