As a man, I like to think about sex.
So when I saw this harmless article about about ways to make boring topics seem new again… I naturally thought, “hey, that could be about sex.”
So here’s my take on 8 tactics a married man can use to get his wife excited about sex again.
Tactic #1: Use Nicknames
Telling your wife you’d like insert your penis into her vagina is rarely a good way to put her in the mood.
This is why we come up with a variety of suggestive synonyms like “cock” and “pussy.” A rooster is a symbol of aggressiveness and masculinity. And a pussy cat is something soft and sweet that purrs when you pet it.
But there are other terms you can use as well. You can tell her that her “stallion” is ready for her to ride. Or refer to your semen as “nectar.”
Or just lift stuff right out of the Bible. Tell her it’s been a little too long since you’ve tended to your “garden.” Or that you’re in the mood for “pomegranates” for dessert.
Just be sure the nicknames are appropriately masculine and feminine. Probably not a good idea to call your penis “Mr. Winkles” or refer to her vagina as a “man cave.”
Whenever you hear one good nickname, use a thesaurus to come up with more ideas:
Tactic #2: Play Erotic “Would You Rather?”
If you’re not familiar with the “Would You Rather?” game, it’s where someone presents you with two difficult (and often unfortunate) hypothetical choices. Like “would you rather be itchy for the rest of your life or sticky for the rest of your life?”
Even though the game can often get graphic and disgusting, it’s almost impossible to resist playing because it appeals to our sense of curiosity and choice so perfectly.
But you don’t have to use the game to psychologically torture you’re wife (unless you’re into that sort of thing). You can use it to get her thinking about sexuality in a fun way.
“Would you rather I secretly grab your butt in public or kiss you passionately at home?”
“Would you rather try the same sex position in 9 different different places or 9 different positions in the same room?”
“Would you rather take a shower together or take a bath by yourself and let me watch?”
“Would you rather dress up as a ‘cute’ girl or a ‘naughty’ girl?”
“Would you rather be pinned against the wall or against the bed while I give you my love?”
Starting the game is simple. Wait until you’re alone with her and have a conversation that goes something like this:
“Hey babe, have you ever heard of the “Would You Rather game?”
“No. What is it?”
“It’s simple. I’m going to give you two pretend scenarios and you tell me which one you’d rather have. Wanna try it?”
Read her some non-sexual questions from the internet.
“Pretty fun, huh? I’ll ask you some of my own as they come to me. Just to warn you though: they might get naughty, so be prepared.”
And the game has begun! And it never has to end.
You can start out with “soft” and non-sexual questions and then work your way up to more intense stuff. Just ask her whenever a new one pops into your head. There’s really no limit to the questions you can ask. The trick is to create a contrast where both scenarios would be sexy but she really has to think about which one she’d prefer.
And since it’s all hypothetical (for now) you can go a lot further than if you were asking a direct question with serious intent.
If you need ideas on how to word things, you can read some stuff at Kinky Quotes for inspiration.
Tactic #3: Use Humor
Humor and sex go well together. If you take it too seriously she will likely feel uneasy and have a hard time relaxing. But a bit of properly applied humor can help her relax and get the right juices flowing.
Even if you don’t have any natural talent for humor, there are a couple of techniques you can apply that are (almost) foolproof.
The first technique is the rule of threes. You say two ordinary things followed by something unexpected. The third thing is the punchline. In this case, the unexpected thing will be about sex.
Here’s a few examples:
She asks you what’s on today’s agenda. You tell her “Well, I need to go to my dentist appointment, drop a package off at the post office, then I’ll come home and play with my pussy cat.”
When you’re getting ready for bed: “Why don’t you put the kids to bed, brush your teeth, then put on something inappropriate for bedtime.”
As you’re eating dinner in the summertime: “There’s nothing I like more than a hot day, a hot meal, and a hot wife to serve it to me.”
When you use the “rule of threes” it makes your line more intriguing than if you just told her outright.
The second technique is ridiculous exaggeration. Here you want to take a simple sexual thought and exaggerate it to the extreme for comedic effect.
If you’re working on your computer, you can tell her that you “don’t allow women in the workplace because it always leads to sexual harassment.”
As you’re leaving you tell her “be sure to dress appropriately today or I’m going to spank you when I get home from work.”
Start examining your bed and tell her you might need to get a new bed. When she asks why, tell her you’re concerned that the springs won’t last more than a few weeks under the stress of your anticipated rough love-making sessions.
Because it’s so exaggerated, there’s no pressure on her. She’ll laugh or pretend to be offended. But secretly, she’ll blush and wonder, “Maybe that WOULD be kind of fun.”
Tactic #4: Share Sex Studies with Her
Even though sex has been around since the dawn of time, we’re always discovering new things about it. We’re also rediscovering things we forgot about it.
Research results give the impression of something new and exciting. They inspire a sense of awe in us. This is exactly how you want your wife to feel about sex.
The trick is to pick studies that are suggestive. For example, how women feel happier when they have semen in their body. Or how a woman’s “rape fantasies” really aren’t weird. Or how women feel hornier near their ovulation period.
This will all be interesting stuff to her. Because it’s about her. And it will give the two of you an excuse to launch into a new phase of erotic exploration.
Sharing this stuff is really easy. Just tell her you came across an interesting article and thought she might like to read it.
If you follow this blog, I’ll share stuff I find from time to time. Just follow the links. A little bit of Googling can yield some interesting discoveries as well.
Tactic #5: Practice “the Attitude”
Most men are timid about broaching sexual topics with their wives.
But those who develop “the Attitude” can talk about sex whenever they want. It’s difficult to explain in writing because it’s more about how you talk than what you say.
The best way I can describe it is to imagine that your wife is horny all the time. Act as if she’s the sex-hungry one in the marriage. Then you just talk about everything as if it’s making her horny.
“I know you get a little horny when you’re mad. I bet you’re getting wet just thinking about how mad you are, aren’t you?”
“I know why you take so long in the shower. You just like to have more time to think about your naughty fantasies, don’ you?”
“Now don’t tell me you wouldn’t at least want to try that! I know you’re thinking about it. I can see it on your face!”
The best way to learn the attitude is by listening to the Black Philip Show with Patrice O’Neil. Listen to all the episodes at least several times through. You’ll subconsciously absorb the parts of his attitude that are appealing to you.
Now, as a Christian I cannot fully endorse his show because at least a third of the time is spent explicitly describing his sexually immoral activities. (So obviously, don’t listen to it around the family.) But if you can filter out all that B.S., you can learn a lot by paying attention to the attitude he has when he talks to women.
Patrice was so good at the attitude that he could get away with constantly calling every woman a “bitch” to her face and still get her laughing and having a good time. Not that I recommend calling your wife that. But if you can absorb even a fraction of the attitude, you shouldn’t have any trouble talking about sexually explicit things with her.
Tactic #6: Talk About Mundane Things as If They Were Sexy
One of the easiest ways to make sex surprising is to talk about something rarely associated with sex as if it were sexy.
Here’s a few examples:
In your best smooth seductive voice: “Oh wow. I love the way you crack that egg and slowly drizzle it over the batter. Mmm yeah, baby. You know what’s up.”
“Nothing makes me hornier than tax time. Put on something sexy and let’s talk numbers.”
“I love the way you spread that butter over my toast. That’s a good girl.”
This tactic is great for two reasons. First, it will surprise her so it’ll make a strong impression. Second, you’ll be creating sexual associations with common activities. Before long, she won’t be able to go a single day without doing something in her routine that reminds her of sex.
And a woman who is thinking about sex is a happy woman.
Tactic #7: Predict Her Future
People love to hear predictions about the future. We are often dissatisfied or bored with the present. But the future is exciting. Anything could happen! Use this bias to your advantage.
You don’t want to put pressure on her to do anything now. That’s too scary. Instead you want to suggest that there is something erotic buried inside her that is going to come out one day.
For example, you can say “I think there’s a really wild girl that’s trapped inside of you. One day we’re going to set her free.”
Or if she’s a bit sassy: “You are a sassy one. But one day I’m going to break you in.”
Or as she’s fondling your manhood: “One day, I think you will grow quite fond of this most important part of me.”
The key is to find areas where there is a mismatch between a core feminine desire and her current attitude or behavior. It is extremely difficult to resist biology. Merely bringing her attention to her instincts is often enough to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Tactic #8: Change the Visuals
New visuals are an instant way to create novelty.
Most women buy way more clothes than they need. It’s because they want variety. But you can use this preference to your advantage.
Give her a monthly budget to buy sexy things to wear. Simply the fact that she has something new to put on is often enough to make a woman feel sexy and put her in the mood.
Sometimes just thinking about what to wear can put her in the mood. You can text her and ask her if she’s found a “suitable outfit” to greet you in. Or if her panties match her outfit today. Silly stuff like that.
You can also change what you wear. Get a new look. Start working out. You’ll seem like a new man to her.
Another way is to change the scene. Try a different room. Take a retreat. Do it outside. Do it in the shower. etc. etc.
Now Go Have Some Fun!
Hopefully this gives you some ideas to get started. There’s really no reason sex ever has to seem hum-drum. There are so many different ways to think about it.
The way I see it, a man will spend more time in his day not having sex than having it. Might as well have a bag of tricks to make the in-between times more fun.